PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA OR HOW I FOUND GODDESS AND WHAT I DID TO HER WHEN I FOUND HER THE MAGN

PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA OR HOW I FOUND GODDESS AND WHAT I DID TO HER WHEN I FOUND HER THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER WHEREIN IS EXPLAINED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WORTH KNOWING ABOUT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING INTRODUCTION You hold in your hands one of the Great Books of our century fnord. Some Great Books are recognized at once with a fusilade of critical huzzahs and gonfolons, like Joyce's "Ulysses". Others appear almost furtively and are only discovered 50 years later, like "Moby Dick" or Mendel's great essay on genetics. The "Principia Discordia"entered our space-time continuum almost as unobstrusively as a cat-burgler creeping over a windowsill. In 1968, virtually nobody had heard of this wonderful book. In 1970, hundreds of people from coast to coast were talking about it and asking the identity of the mysterious author, Malaclypse the Younger. Rumors swept across the continent, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle to St. Joe. Malaclypse was actually Alan Watts, one heard. No, said another legend-- the Principia was actually a work of the Sufi Order. A third, very intriguing myth held that Malaclypse was a pen name for Richard M. Nixon, who had allegedly composed the "Pricipia" during a few moments of lucidity. I enjoyed each of these yarns and did my part to help spread them. I was also careful never to contradict the occasional rumors that I had actually written the whole thing myself during an acid trip. The legendary, the mystery, the cult grew slowly. By the mid-1970's, thousands of people, some as far off as Hong Kong and Australia, were talking about the "Principia", and since the original was out of print by then, xerox copies were beginning to circulate here and there. When the "Illuminatus" trilogy appeared in 1975, my co-author, Bob Shea, and I both received hundreds of letters from people intrigued by the quotes from the Principia with which we had decorated the heads of several chapters. Many, who who had already heard of the "Principia" or seen copies, asked if Shea and I had written it, or if we had copies available. Others wrote to ask if it were real, or just something we had invented the way H.P.Lovecraft invented the "Necronomican". We answered according to our moods, sometimes telling the truth, sometimes spreading the most Godawful lies and myths we could devise fnord. Why not? We feel that this book was a true Classic (literatus immortalis) and, since the alleged intelligentsia had not yet discovered it, the best way to keep its legend alive was to encourage the mythology and the controversy about it. Increasingly, people wrote to ask me if Timothy Leary had written it, and I almost always told them he had, except on Fridays when I am more whimsical, in which case I told them it had been transmitted by a canine intelligence -- vast, cool and unsympathetic -- from the Dog star, Sirius. Now, at last, the truth can be told. Actually, the "Principia" is the work of a time-traveling anthropoligist from the 23rd Century. He is currently passing among us as a computer specialist, bon vivant and philosopher named Greg Hill. He has also translated several volumes of Etruscan erotic poetry, under another pen-name, and in the 18th Century was the mysterious Man in Black who gave Jefferson the design for the Great Seal of the United States. I have it on good authority that he is one of the most accomplished time-travellers in the galaxy and has visited Earth many times in the past, using such cover-identities as Zeno of Elias, Emperor Norton, Count Cagliostro, Guilliame of Aquataine, etc. Whenever I question him about this , he grows very evasive and attempts to persuade me that he is actually just another 20th Century Earthman and that all my ideas about his extraterrestrial and extratemporal origin are delusions. Hah! I am not that easily deceived . After all, a time-travelling anthropologist would say just that, so that he could observe us without his presense causing culture-shock. I understand that he has consented to write an Afterword to this edition. He'll probably contradict everything I've told you, but don't believe a word he says fnord. He is a master of the deadpan put-on, the plausible satire, the philosophical leg-pull and all branches of guerilla ontology. For full benefit to the Head, this book should be read in conjunction with "The Illuminoids" by Neal Wilgus( Sun Press, Albuquerque,New Mexico) and "Zen without Zen Masters" by Camden Benares(And/Or Press, Berkeley, California). "We are operating on many levels here", as Ken Kesey used to say. In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things will go on as they always have, getting weirder all the time. Hail Eris. All hail Discordia. Fnord? Robert Anton Wilson International Arms and Hashish Inc. Darra Bazar, Kohat THE MAGNUM OPIATE OF MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER NOT JUNK MAIL PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA OR HOW I FOUND GODDESS AND WHAT I DID TO HER WHEN I FOUND HER WHEREIN IS EXPLAINED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING WORTH KNOWING ABOUT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING A jug of wine, A leg of lamb And thou! Beside me, Whistling in the darkness. Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts Of Order. . . THE BOOK OF UTERUS 1:5 ___________________________________________________________ Some excerpts from an Interview with Malaclypse the Younger by THE GREATER METROPOLITAN YORBA LINDA HERALD-NEWS-SUN-TRIBUNE-JOURNAL-DISPATCH-POST AND SAN FRANCISCO DISCORDIAN SOCIETY CABAL BULLETIN AND INTERGALACTIC REPORT & POPE POOP GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what? MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness humorously. Either way it is irrelevent. GP: Maybe you are just crazy. M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teachings as false because I am crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true. GP: Is Eris true? M2: Everything is true. GP: Even false things? M2: Even false things are true. GP: How can that be? M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it. GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives? M2: To dissolve them. GP: Will you develop that point? M2: No. GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE M2: There is a Zen story about a student who asked a master to explain the meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax." GP: Is that your answer to my question? M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your question is FIVE TONS OF FLAX! SUSPENDED ANNIHILATION ____________________________________________________________ FOURTH EDITION ODD# II/2,xii;68Chs3136 PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA OR HOW I FOUND GODDESS & WHAT I DID TO HER WHEN I FOUND HER being a Beginning Introduction to The Erisian Mysterees WHICH IS MOST INTERESTING as Divinely Revealed to My High Reverence MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold and HIGH PRIEST of PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC (POEE) HAIL ERIS --kallisti -- ALL HAIL DISCORDIA! Dedicated to the Prettiest One The uproar of one hand clapping. _____________________________________________________________ JOSHUA NORTON CABAL Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and Zonked Artists Melee POEE is one manifestation of THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY about which you will learn more and understand less We are a tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacs who are intrigued with ERIS GODDESS OF CONFUSION and with Her Doings 00001 ________________________________________________________ 3 The Sacred Chao(illustration) 4 Five Commandments(The Pentabarf) 5 Zen Story 6 Telegram to Jehova 7 Birth of The Erisian Movement 11 Battle Hymn of The Eristocracy 12 On Prayer 13 Heaven is down. . . . 14 Norton's Money 15 Eris - Greek Geneology 16 Law of Fives 17 Myth of The Apple of DIscord 19 Erisian Hymn 20 POEE Chart 21 POEE Symbol 22 POEE 23 Application Form 24 POEE Priests 26 Erisian Affirmation 27 Legionnaire Certificate 27 St. Gulik 28 How To Start A POEE Cabal Without Messing Around With The Polyfather 29 Baptismal Rite 31 Mysteree Oath 32 The Discordian Society 33 The Golden Apple Corps 33 Numeral V Sign 34 Calendar 35 Holy Names 36 POPE Cards 37 Parable of The Bitter Tea 38 Sermon on Ethics and Love 39 Apostles of Eris 41 How The Honest Book of Truth Was Revealed 42 Curse of Greyface 43 Mandala 44 Cosmology (Book of Uterus) 46 Orders of Discordia 47 Entropy (Norman Weiner) 48 Zarathud's Enlightenment 49 The Sacred Chao (text) 52 Hodge/Podge Transformer 53 Brunswick Shrine 54 Starbuck's Pebbles 55 Eris during I TELL YOU : ONE MUST STILL HAVE CHAOS IN ONE TO GIVE BIRTH TO A DANCING STAR ! - Nietzsche [picture of The Sacred Chao] ________________________________________________________ THE FIVE COMMANDENTS (THE PENTABARF) The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of the Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave, but their im- port was lost for they were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 wks & 11 hrs of intensive scrutity he discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside down. KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH! I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Mo- vement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm. II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System. III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Cere- mony to Remonstrate against the popular Pagan- isms of the Day : of Catholic Christiandom ( no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of beef), of Bud- dhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns). IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub. V. - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he Reads. IT IS SO WRITTEN ! SO BE IT, HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED. TEST QUESTION from TopangaCabal THE TWELVE FAMOUS BUDDHA MINDS SCHOOL : If they are our brothers, how come we can't eat then? 0004 __________________________________________________________ A ZEN STORY by Camden Benares, The Count of Five Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabal A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled. One night in a coffee house, a self- ordained Zen Master said to him, "Go to the dilapidated mansion you will find at this address which I have written down for you. Do not speak to those who live there; you must remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night. Go to the large room on the right of the main hall- way, sit in the lotus position on top of the rubble in the northeast corner, face the corner, and med- itate." He did as the Zen Master instructed. His meditation was frequently interrupted by worries. He worried whether or not the rest of the plumbing fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom to join the pipes and other trash he was sitting on. He worried how would he know when the moon rose on the next night. He worried about what the people who walked through the room said about him. His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At that time two people walked into the room. The first asked the second who the man sitting there was. The second replied "Some say he is a holy man. Others say he is a shithead." Hearing this, the man was enlightened. for deposit only[stamped on at bottom left of page] 00005 _______________________________________________________ [The following is printed on a WU telegram form with the form at an angle of 80-85 degrees.] TO: JEHOVA JAHWEH CARE: CELESTIAL HOTEL (SUITE #666) PRESIDENTIAL TIER, PARADISE DEAR GOD; THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR CURRENT POSITION AS DIETY IS HEREWITH TERMINATED DUE TO GROSS INCOMPETENCE STOP YOUR CHECK WILL BR MAILED STOP PLEASE DO NOT USE ME FOR A REFERENCE RESPECTFULLY, MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER/ OMNIBENEVOLENT POLYFATHER POEE HIGH PRIEST [In the upper center of the page is a sketch of the Apostle Zarathud with the following message written upsidedown] "YOUR RIGHT SON!...IT WOULD BE A WASTE OF YOUR KIND OF TALENT TO GO INTO THE INSURANCE BUSINESS" ________________________________________________________ THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT [TOP OF PAGE IN SMALL PRINT] 10.The Earth quakes and the Heavens rattle; the beasts of nature flock together and the nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up heat while elsewhere water becomes ice and melts; and then on other days it just rains. 11. Indeed do many things come to pass. HBT; The Book of Predications,Chap.19 THE REVELATION Just prior to the decadew of the nineteen-sixties. when Sputnik was alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid trip as a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Vietnam, and talk of a second American Revolution; in the com- parative quiet of the late nineteen-fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant.... Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at an allnight bowl- ing alley and generally solving the world's problems. this particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and they were complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt in their respec- tive lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one, "and all other problems will vanish." "Indeed,"said the other, "chaos and strife are the root af all confusion." FIRST I MUST SPRINKLE YOU WITH FAIRY DUST Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence enveloped them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding flash of intense light, as though their very psyches had gone nova. Then vision returned. The two were dazed and neither moved or spoke for several minutes. They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like statues in a variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was stead- fastly anchored to the floor only inches from the pins that it had been sent to scatter. The two look- ed at each other, totally unable to account for the phenomenon. The condition was one of suspension, and one noticed that the clock had stopped. [IN VERY LARGE LETTERS AT BOTTOM OF PAGE] New Story of Chaos 00007 ________________________________________________________ [IN UPPER RIGHT HAND CORNER OF PAGE] no girdle ever cured a pregnancy -2- There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle, yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He car- ried a scroll and walked to the young men. "Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nip- ples on your chests; do you give milk? And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?" He paused. "SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!" And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin-yang with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness. ERIS - GODDESS OF CHAOS, DISCORD & CONFUSION They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the bowlers engaged in their game and the wait- ress busy with making coffee. It was apparant that their experience had been private. They discussed their strange encounter and recon- structed from memory the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they searched libraries to find the significance of it, but were disappointed to uncover only references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Tech- nocracy. It was not until they traced the Greek writ- ing on the apple that they discovered the ancient God- dess known to the Greeks as ERIS and to the Romans as DISCORDIA.This was on the fifth night, and when they slept that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternity itself, and whose body was the spectacular dance of atoms and universes. Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and gentle voice: I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might 00008 __________________________________________________________ - 3 - develop himself. I return to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding. You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun. I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. Iam the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy.I am chaos.I am alive, and I tell you that you are free. During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies, and learned that ERIS or DISCORDIA was primarily feared by the ancients as being disrup- tive. Indeed, the concept of chaos was still considered equivilent to strife and treated as a neg- ative. "No wonder things are all screwed up," they concluded, "they have got it all backwards." They found that the principle of disorder was every much as significant as the principle of order. With this in mind, they studied the strange yin- yang. During a meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them: It is called THE SACRED CHAO. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you will find anything you like. Speak of Me as DISCORD, to show contrast to the pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they choose to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in the State of Confusion. For further in- formation, consult your pineal gland. [bottom of page,oriented from side to side] "There are trivial truths & there are great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true." -Neils Bohr. 00009-I HEAR MUSIC! _________________________________________________________ NO HURRY -4- "What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A religion based on The Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!" And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe. Omar began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began jumping up and down. Mal was hoot- ing and hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals of mirth and with tears on their cheeks, each appoint- ed the other to be high priest of his own madness, and together they declared themselves to be a society of Discordia, for what ever that may turn out to be. [following on bot�om half of page,every which way] All Things are Perfect To every last flaw And bound in accord With Eris's Law (HBT; The Book of Advice I:7) Monomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose "Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next door?" "But there is no house next door." "No? Then let's go build one!" -Marx 00010 ___________________________________________ St. Trinian's SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE Sewing Circle THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY by Lord Omar VERSE Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of the Chao; It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb; Her Apple Corps is strong! CHORUS Grand (and gory) Old Discordja! Grand (and gory) Old Discordja! Grand (and gory) Old Discordja! Her Apple Corps is strong! VERSE She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak;* So she threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek! O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak; Her Apple Corps is strong! * "Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, commonly called by the Greeks "Ol' Limb' Peak." 00011 "The tide is turning. . . the enemy is suffering Terrible losses. . . . " - Gen. Geo. A. Custer [Along right side of page] If a quixotic socrates studied Zen under Zorba. . . ? ___________________________________________________ Persons in a Position to Know, Inc. On Prayer Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris. He replied with these words: No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with , say, a drought, and then praying fervently--and then getting the entire village wiped out in a torrential flood. [Picture] [Picture] 00012 "OF COURSE I'M CRAZY, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M WRONG. I'M MAD BUT NOT ILL" Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wilson _________________________________________ 14.Wipe thine ass with What Is Written and grin like a ninny at What Is Spoken. Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind Everything, as you hurry along the Path. THE PURPLE SAGE HBT; The Book of Predications, Chap.19 Heaven is down. Hell is up. This is proven by the fact that the planets and stars are orderly in their movements, while down on earth we come close to the primal chaos. There are four other proofs, but I forget them. --Josh the Dill KING KONG KABEL IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS* *The meaning of this is Unknown [Along right edge of page] IT IS MY FIRM BELIEF THAT IS A MISTAKE TO HOLD FIRM BELIEFS 00013[Picture of eagle scratching its head] ________________________________________________ [This page is a picture of a banknote put out by The Imperial Government of Norton I in the 19th century in San Francisco. Read more about Emperor Norton later on.] The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks [Upper right hand corner of page in box DO NOT CIRCULATE] WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT ERIS (not much) The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity-- She was shown as a grotesque woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire, Her garmant ripped and torn, and as concealing a dagger in Her Bosom. Actually, most women look pale and ghastly when concealing a chilly dagger in their bosoms. Her geneology as from the Greeks and is utterly con- fused. Either She was the twin of Ares and the daugh- ter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the daughter of Nyx, goddess of night(who was either the daughter or wife of Chaos, or both), and Nyx's brother,Erebus, and whose brothers and sisters include Death,Doom,Mock- ery, Misery, and Friendship. and that She begat For- getfullness, Quarrels, Lies, and a bunch of gods and goddesses like that. One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked Eris if She really created all of those terrible things. She told him that She had always liked the Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic matters. "They were," she added, " victims of indigestion, you know." Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But She is mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times. *THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris. If you have trouble activating your Pineal, then try the appendix which does almost as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METEPHYSICS #3, "The Indoctrine of the Pineal Gland." 00015 DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT QUADRATA ROTUNDAS - Horace _____________________________________________ 00016 THE LAW OF FIVES The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. IT was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from The Hidden Temple of the Happy Jesus. POEE subscribes to the law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also recognizes the Holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordicai Malignatius, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria. The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY 0R INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5. The Law of Fives is never wrong. In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look." [Secret Service badge] PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS DOCUMENT AS TOILET TISSUE The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun shines by day, because being a woman, it is afraid to venture out at night. 00017 "YOU WILL FIND THAT THE STATE is the kind of ORGANIZATION which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly too." --John Kenneth Galbraith THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.* *This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold** and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog bun. **There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of metalic gold or acapulco. Now, three of the invited goddesses, *** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and everything. ***Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know of the Law of Fives. Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a sheperd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris. Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him The Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed. As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen (THE Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed whwn Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be the first War among men. And so we suffer because of The Original Snub. And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns. Do you believe that? Remember: KING KONG Died FOr Your Sins HO CHI ZEN IS KING CONG 5. An Age of Confusion, or an Ancient Age, is one in which History As We Know It begins to unfold, in which Whatever Is Coming emerges in Corporal Form, more or less, and such times are Ages of Balanced Unbalance, or Unbalanced Balance. 6. An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in which Things Mature, in which Confusion becomes entrenched and during which Balanced Balance, or Stagnation, is attained. 7. An Age of Disorder or an an Aftermath is an Apocalyptic Period of Transition back to Chaos through the Screen of Oblivion into which the Age passeth, finally. These are ages of Unbalanced Unbalance. HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap. 3 00018 DO YOU REMEMBER? Polite children will remember that a church is the ________ of _________. 00019 An Erisian Hymn by Rev. Dr. Munjojerry Grindlebone, KOB Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS Onward Christian Soldiers, Onward Buddhists Priests. Onward, Fruits of Islam, Fight till youre deceased. Fight your little battles, Join in thickest fray; For the Greater Glory, of Dis-cord-i-a. Yah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah, Blfffffffffft! Mr. Monomoto, famous Japanese who can swallow his nose, has been exposed! It was recently revealed that it was Mr. Monomoto's brother who has been doing all of this nose swallowing. HEUTE DIE WELT MORGENS DAS SONNENSYSTEM! Abbey of the Barbarous Relic ___________________________________________ OFFICIAL PROCLAMATION--ODD# III(b)/4,i;18Aft3135 POEE DISORGANIZATIONAL MATRIX V) THE HOUSE OF THE APOSTLES OF ERIS For the Eristocracy and the Cabalablia A. The Five Apostles of Eris B. The Golden Apple Corps (KSC) C. Episkopos of the Discordian Society D. POEE Cabal Priests E. Saints, Avatars, and Like Personages IV) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE For the Disciples of Discordia A. Office of my high Reverence, the Polyfather B. Council of POEE Priests C. THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD D. Eristic Avatars E. Aneristic Avatars NOTE: A, B, and C are POEE PROPER; while D and E are POEE IMPROPER III) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING HODGE For the Bureaucracy A. The Bureau of Erisian Archives B. The Bureau of The POEE Epistolary, and The Division of Dogmas C. The Bureau of Symbols, Emblems, Certificates and Such D. The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and The Administry for The Unenlightened Eristic Horde E. The Bureau of Aneristic Affairs, and The Administry for The Orders of Discordia II) THE HOUSE OF THE RISING COLLAPSE For the Encouragement of Liberation of Freedom, and/or the Discouragement of the Immanentizing of the Eschaton A. The Breeze of Wisdom and/or The Wind of Insanity B. The Breeze of Integrity and/or The Wind of Arrogance C. The Breeze of Beauty and/or The Wind of Outrages D. The Breeze of Love and/or The Wind of Bombast E. The Breeze of Laughter and/or The Wind of B**ls**t [Original is not censored] I) THE OUT HOUSE For what is left over A. Miscellaneous Avatars B. The Fifth Column C. POEE =POPES= everywhere D. Drawer "O" for OUT OF FILE E. Lost Documents and Forgotten Truths OFFICIAL - POEE Head Temple, San Francisco HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE Bureau of The POEE Epistolary ________________________________________ EXCLUSIVE *THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS* The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated [picture]. It may be this, or any similar device to represent TWO OPPOSING ARROWS CONVERGING INTO A COMMOM POINT. It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may be elaborated or simplified as desired. The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS, commonly shortened to THE HAND. NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the [picture of upturned horns] is taken to symbolize horns, especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties. The Five Fingered Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to be taken as satanic, for the "horns" are supported by another set, of inverted "horns." Or maybe it is walrus tusks. I don't know what it is, to tell the truth. 00021 "Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind and all that resembles it." Breton ___________________________________ 00022 POEE POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent diety, reversing beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric, it's just that nobody pays much attention to us. MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC, is the High Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic revelations of The Goddess. He is called THE OMNIBENEVOLENT POLYFATHER OF VIGINITY IN GOLD. The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian Society, which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by temporaly and spacialy locating the rest of Mal-2. POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2's pineal gland, and has only one scruple -- which Mal-2 keeps on his key chain. POEE has not registered, incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the State, and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations, which is only fair, because POEE does not recognize the State. POEE has 5 DEGREES: There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE. The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on. An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLAIN. The HIGH PRIEST, the POLYFATHER. And POEE =POPE=. POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The POLYFATHER ordains priests. I don't know about the =POPES=. "THIS BOOK IS A MIRROR, WHEN A MONKEY LOOKS IN, NO APOSTLE LOOKS OUT." - LICHTENBERG Application For Membership In the Erisian Movement of the DISCORDIAN SOCIETY 1. Today's date Yesterday's date 2. Purpose of this application: --membership in: a. Legion of Dynamic Discord b. POEE c. Bavarian Illuminati d. All of the Above e. None of the above f. Other--be specific! 3.Name___________________________Holy Name_______________________________ Address__________________________________________________________________ if temporary, also give an address from which mail can be forwarded 4. Description: Born:[ ]yes [ ]no Eyes[ ]2 [ ]other Height: ....fl. oz. Last time you had a haircut: Reason: Race:[ ]horse [ ]human I.Q.:150-200 200-250 250-300 over 300 5. History: Education - highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th Professional: On another ream of paper list every job since 1937 from which you have been fired. Medical: On a seperate sheet labeled "confidential," list all major psychotic episodes experienced within the last 24 hours 6. Sneaky questions to establish personality traits I would rather a. live in an outhouse b. play in a rock group c. eat caterpillers. I wear obscene tattoos because . . . . . . . I have ceased raping little children [ ]yes [ ]no--reason . . . 7. SELF PORTRAIT [upside down] SENDER WAITING Answer by wire Rev. Mungo For Office Use Only- acc. rej. burned [in box with dot in center] LICK HERE! (You may be one of the lucky 25) 00023 POEE & IT'S PRIESTS If you like Erisianism as it is presented according to Mal-2, then you may wish to form your own POEE CABAL as a POEE PRIEST and you can go do a bunch of POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE Cabal" is exactly what you think it is. The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does rather expect good will of them. The Office of The Polyfather is to point, not to teach. Once in a while, he even listens. Should you find that your own revelations of The Goddess become substantially different than the revelations of Mal-2, then perhaps The Goddess has plans for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider creating your own sect from scratch, unhindered. Episkoposes are not competing with each other, and they are all POEE Priests anyway (as soon as I locate them). The point is that Episkoposes are developing separate paths to the Erisian mountain top. See the section "Discordian Society." ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you want to be a POEE priest then you must undoubtedly qualify. Who could possibly know better than you whether or not you should be Ordained? An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an Ordination Certificate from The Office of the Polyfather." [in small print] Seek into the Chao if thou wouldst be wise And find ye delight in her Great Surprise! Look into the Chao if thou wantest to know What's in a Chao and why it ain't so! (HBT; The Book of Advice, 1:1) 00024 ____________________________________________ World Council of Churches Boutique NOTE TO POEE PRIESTS: The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians the POEE was conceived not as a commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to keep your cool when seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading the POEE Word via the market place. [picture of man with Mickey Mouse ears looking through torn newspaper] HEY! WHERE'S DA PIXS? MUMBLE,MUMBLE PISSONDIS! @*%^$# 00025 _______________________________________________ The hidden stone ripens fast, Then laid bare like a turnip Can easily be cut out at last But even then the danger isn't past. That man lives lest who's fain To live half mad, half sane. -Flemish Poet Jan van Stijevoort, 1524. THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holy name), do herewith declare myself a POEE BROTHER of THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ALL HAIL DISCORDIA! The presiding POEE Official (if any) responds: ALL HAIL DISCORDIA! [IN CORNER] To diverse gods Do mortals bow, Holy Cow, and Wholly Chao. -Rev. Dr. Grindlebone Monroe Cabal [in other corner] "COMMON SENSE IS WHAT TELLS YOU THAT THE WORLD IS FLAT." [IN BALLOON] 00026 FIND THE GODDESS ERIS WITHIN YOUR PINEAL GLAND POEE [Top of Page-picture of your favorite insect] This is ST. GULIK. He is the Messenger of the Goddess. A different age from ours called him Hermas. Many people called him by many names. He is a Roach. [the rest of the page is a legionnaire certificate] 00027 ________________________________________________________ GENERAL LICENSE HOW TO START A POEE CABAL WITHOUT MESSING AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER If you cannot find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want anything to do with him, you are still authorized to form your own POEE CABAL an ddo Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide. Your Official Rank will be POEE CHAPLAIN for the LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly the same as a POEE PRIEST except that you don't have an Ordination Certificate. The words you are now reading are your ordination. HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLAIN 1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies. 2. Sign and nose-print each copy 3. Send one to the President of the United States. 4. Send one to The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding 1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814 5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other. Then consult your pineal gland. GENERAL LICENSE WAS SGT. PEPPER'S COMMANDER OLD POEE SLOGAN: [ censored version] When in doubt, ###k it, When not in doubt ... get in doubt! 00028 TRIP 5 =THE POEE BAPTISIMAL RITE= This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by many POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony. 1) The Priest and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the Initiate in the center facing the Priest. If possible, the Brothers on the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human being and not something else in disguise like a cabbage or something. 2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest, assume a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we Erisians. 3) The Priest begins: I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designations, offices, etc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested in me by the High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye: 1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING? The Initiate answers YES. 2) THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF? The Initiate answers YES. 3) HOW STUPID. ARE YOU WILLING TO BECOME PHILO- SOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED? He answers YES. 4) VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLY ERISIAN MOVEMENT? The Initiate answers PROBABLY. [ON BOTTOM OF PAGE, NOT PART OF RITE] RETURN TO RESTRICTED ROOM DO NOT PASS "GO". DO NOT COLLECT $200 00029 _______________________________________________ -2- 5) THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME: (The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.) The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name), LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS! HAIL ERIS! HAIL YES! 4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and offers it to all who are present. 5) The Ceremony generally degenerates. MORD SAYS THAT OMAR SAYS THAT WE ARE ALL UNICORNS ANYWAY DO NOT PULL ON YELLOW TIP 00030 3. And though Omar did bid of the Collector of Garbage, in words that were both sweet and bit- ter, to surrender back the cigar box containing the cards designated by the Angel as The Honest Book of Truth, the Collector was to him as one who might be smitten deaf, saying only: 'Gainst the rules, y' know. HBT; The Book of Explanations, Chap. 2 ANSWERS: 1. Harry Houdini 2. Swing music 3. Pretzels 4. 8 months 5. Testy Culbert 6. It protudes 7. No vocal cords. THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH The Initiate swears the following: FLYING BABY S**T!!!!! [ORIGINAL NOT CENSORED] G3400 50 DMTS 19 (Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to substitute the German: FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEI**E! or perhaps WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!!!!! which is Ewige Blumencraft in Polish.) "FOREIGN" THE RECENT EXPOSE THAT MR. MOMOMOTO, FAMOUS JAPANESE WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE, CANNOT SWALLOW HIS NOSE BUT HIS BROTHER CAN, HAS BEEN EXPOSED! IT IS MR. MOMOMOTO WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE. HE SWALLOWED HIS BROTHER IN THE SUMMER OF '44. Corrections to last week's copy: Johnny Sample is offensive cornerback for the New York Jets, not fullback as stated. Bobby Tolan's name is not Randy, but mud. All power to the people, and ban the %%%king bomb.[ORIGINAL NOT CENSORED] 00031 "This statement is False" (courtesy of POEE) __________________________________________ NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME! THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY The Discordian Society has no definition. I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It has been called a guerrilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of Purges of Our People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont, prefers "The World's Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is- that-we-are." Lady Mal thinks of it as a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed, WKC, won't say. You can think of it any way you like. AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect as the Goddess directs him. He speaks for himself and for those that say that they like what he says. THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not to create his own sect. If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you wish do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don't. There are no rules anywhere. The Goddess Prevails. Some Episkopos have a one-man cabal Some work together. Some never do explain. When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride, then I get to the bottom and I see you again! Helter skelter! -John Lennon "EVERYBODY I KNOW WHO IS RIGHT ALWAYS AGREES WITH ME" - REV. Lady Mal THE GOLDEN APPLE CORPS The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for The Keepers of The Sacred Chao, so that thay can put "KSC" after their names. It says little, does less, means nothing. *Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd. of those four singers. We thought of it first. [picture of Zig-Zag Man giving the "numeral V sign" and wearing "five fingered hand of Eris"] THE NUMERAL V SIGN Used by Old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill, and innocent Hippies everywhere. 00033 _______________ PERPETUAL DATE CONVERTER FROM GREGORIAN TO POEE CALENDAR SEASONS 1) Chaos - Patron Apostle Hung Mung 2) Discord - Patron Apostle Dr. VAn Van Mojo 3) Confusion - Patron Apostle Sri Syadasti 4) Bureaucracy - Patron Apostle Zarathud 5) The Aftermath - Patron Apostle The Elder Malaclypse DAYS OF THE WEEK* 1) Sweetmorn 2) Boomtime 3) Pungenday 4) Prickle-Prickle 5) Setting Orange *The DAYS OF THE WEEK are named from the five Basic Elements: SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE and ORANGE. HOLYDAYS A) APOSTLE HOLYDAYS 1) Mungday 2) Mojoday 3) Syaday 4) Zaraday 5) Maladay Each occurs on the 5th day of the Season. B) SEASON HOLYDAYS 1) Chaoflux 2) Discoflux 3) Confuflux 4) Bureflux 5) Afflux Each occurs on the 50th day of the Season. C) ST. TIB'S DAY - occurs once every 4 years (1+4=5) and is inserted between the 59th and 60th days of the Season of Chaos. (1970 = 3136) [1988 = 3154] SACRED DOCUMENT OF THE FROGS (old Erisian poem): 73 days hath Chaos, Discord, Confusion, Bureaucracy and Aftermath. [the rest of the page is a chart for converting Gregorian Dates to Discordian Dates. Today's date is the day of Chaos, 3136] ____________________ HOLY NAMES Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is not unique with Erisianism, of course. I suppose that Pope Paul is the son of Mr. & Mrs. VI? And also TITLES OF MYSTICAL IMPORT. [picture of a monk saying "SO??"] Will whoever stole Brother Reverand Magoun's pornography please return it. 00035 _______________ [A collage occupies 2/3 of the page; then there is the famous Pope card, text following] THE BEARER OF THIS CARD IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED POPE So please Treat Him Right GOOD FOREVER Genuine and authorized by The HOUSE of APOSTLES of ERIS Every man, woman, and child on this Earth is a genuine and authorized Pope Reproduce and distribute these cards freely P.O.E.E. Head Temple, San Francisco A POPE IS SOMEONE WHO IS NOT UNDER THE AUTHORITY OF THE AUTHORITIES THOU ART WHOLE 00036 FOR YOUR ENLIGHTENMENT THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA by Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magown, P.P. POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there into the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in his endeavor, he found that there was some old tea in a pan left standing from the night before, when he had in his weakness forgot about its making and had let it sit steeping for 24 hours. It was dark and murky and it was Hypoc's intention to use this old tea by diluting it with water. And again in his weakness, chose without further consideration and plunged into the physical labor of the preparations. It was then when deeply immersed in the pleasure of that trip, he had a sudden loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitter tea that involves you so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the struggle inside intensified, and the pattern, previously established with the physical laboring and the muscle messages coordinated and unified or per- haps coded, continued to exert there influence and Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied the voice. And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the task, and Lo as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter. 00037 "The Five Laws have root in awareness." --Che Fung (Ezra Pound, Canto 85) The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclus- ively for them that believe in it. Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them that believe in it on the suggestion that they'll go there if they don't. HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1 [Is the above serious or not?!!] A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVE One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess aand request her pres- ence for some desperate advice. Shorthly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said YES? "O! Eris ! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos ! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!" WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL "I am filled with fear and tormented with ter- rible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe." WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO? "But nobody wants it! Everybody hates it." OH. WELL THEN STOP. At which moment She turned Herself into an asp- irin commercial and left the Polyfather stranded alone with his species. SINISTER DEXTER HAS A BROKEN SPIROMETER 00038 CHAPTER 5: THE PIONEERS THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE 1. Hung Mung A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the Heathen Chinee. He who originally revised THE SACRED CHAO. Patron of the Season of Chaos. Holyday: Jan 5. 2. Dr. Van Van Mojo A Head Doctor of Deep Africa aand Maker of Fine Dolls. D.H.V., Doctor of Hoodoo and Vexes, from The Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus Will Save Your Bod Home Stude Bible School; F.I.H.G.W.P., Fellow of the Intergalactic Haitian Guerrillas for World Peace. Patron of the Season of Discord. Holyday: Mar 19. NOTE: Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly contention that Dr. Mojo is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA is the True Second Apostle. Lord Omar claims that Dr. Omar heaps hatred and curses upon Pantamunzo, who sends only Love Vibrations in return. But we of the POEE sect know that Patamunzo is the Real Imposter, and that those vibrations of his are actually an attempt to subvert Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic authority by shaking him out of his wits. 3. SRI SYADASTI SYADAVAKTAVYA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADASTI CAVAKTAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVA- TAVYASCA SYADASTI SYANNASTI SYADAVAKTAVYASCA commonly called SRI SYADASTI His name is Sanskrit, and means: All affirmations are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense. He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe, son of Gentle Chief Sun Flower Seed and the Squaw Merry Jane. Patron to the psychedelic type Discordians. Patron of the Season of Confusion. Holyday: May 31. Note: Sri Syadasti should not be confused with BLESSED ST, GULIK THE STONED, who is not the same person but is the same Apostle. 4. ZARATHUD THE INCORRIGIBLE, sometimes called ZARATHUD THE STAUNCH A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger. Dubbed "Offender of The Faith." Dis- covered the Five Commandments. Patron of the Season of Bureaucracy. Holyday: Aug 12. 5. THE ELDER MALACLYPSE A wandering Wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania ("Med- Terra" or middle earth), who followed a 5-pointed Star through the alleys of Rome, Damascus, Baghdad, Jerusalem, Mecca and Cairo, bearing a sign that seemed to read "DOOM". (This is a mis- understanding. The sign actually read "DUMB". Mal-1 is a Non- Prophet.) Patron and namesake of Mal-2. Patron on The Season of the Aftermath. Holyday: Oct 24. 00040 All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense. A public service clarification by the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual Wisdom, Wilmette. The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual Wisdom are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense. Patamunzo Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual Wisdom, Skokie. HEY MAN...GREAT! I FEEL GOOFY, THE WAY MY OLD MAN LOOKS WHEN HE'S DRUNK! THE HONEST BOOK OF TRUTH being a BIBLE of the Erisian Movement and How it was Revealed to Episkopos LORD OMAR KHAYYAM RAVENHURST, KSC; Bull Goose of Limbo; and Master Pastor of the Church Invisible of the Laughing Christ, Hidden Temple of the Happy Jesus, Laughing Buddha Jesus [LBJ] Ranch From the Honest Book of Truth THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter 1 1. There came one day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a Messenger of Our Lady who told him of a sacred Mound wherein was buried an Honest Book. 2. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and dig the Truth, that ye may come to know it and, knowing it, spread it and, spreading it, wallow in it and, wallowing in it, lie in it and, lying in the Truth, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings--an Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods. 3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred mound, which was to the East of Mullah, and thereupon he worked digging in the sand for five days and five nights, but found no Book. 4. At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came to pass that Omar was exhausted. So he put his shovel to one side and bedded himself down on the sand, using as a pillow a Golden Chest he had uncovered on the first day of his labors. 5. Omar slept. 6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar fell into a Trance, and there came to him in the Trance a Dream, and there came to him in the Dream a Messenger of the Lady who told him of a Sacred Grove wherein was hidden a Golden Chest. 7. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and lift the Stash, that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it and, sharing it, love in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and, dwelling in the Stash,become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings--an Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods. 8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel: What is this s**t, man? What care I for the Word and Sayings? What I care for the Inspiration of all men? Wherein does it profit a man to be the Scribe to the Gods when the Scribes of Governments do nothing, and are paid better wages? 9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to the Ground by an Invisible Hand and did not rise for five days and five nights. 10. And it came to pass that on the fifht night he drempt, and in his Dream he had a vision, and in this Vision there came unto him a Messenger of Our Lady who entrusted to him a Rigoletto cigar box containing many filing cards, some of them in packs with rubber bands around, and upon these cards were sometimes written verses, while upon others nothing was written. 11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded the Lord: Take ye This Honest Book of Truth to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth into The Land and Lay it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage. Preach from it unto the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and repent. 00042 CONVENTIONAL CHAOS DO NOT BEND GREYFACE In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order about you," he said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it. It is not presently understood why men were so gul- lible at that particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway, Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took like itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own. The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been suffering from a psychological and spirit- ual imbalance. Imbalance causes frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes a bad trip. Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now. It is called THE CURSE OF GREY FACE Bulls**t makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful. _______________________________________ Climb into the Chao with a friend or two And follow the Way it carries you, Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew Over the Waves in whatever you do. (HBT, The Book of Advice, 1:3) MANDALA [picture of five sides mandala] NO TWO ELEMENTS INTERLOCK BUT ALL FIVE DO INTERLOCK MEANWHILE, at the Chinese laundromat... [picture of Apostle Hung Mung] DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY"* THE BOOK OF UTERUS from The Honest Book of Truth revealed to Lord Omar -I- 1. Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao, balanced in Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpushpull of the Hodge and the Podge. 2. Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge began gradually to overpower the Podge -- and the Primal Chaos thereby came to be. 3. So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced on the Edge of Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpull- push of the Podge and the Hodge. 4. Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal,** the Podge swiftly underpowered the Hodge and Everything broke loose. 5. And therein emerged the Active Force of Discord, the Subtle Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao, to guide Everything along the Path back to Oblivion - that it might not be lost among Precepts of Order in the Region of Thud. 6. Forasmuch as it was Active, the Force of Discord entered the State of Confusion, wherein it copulated with the Queen and begat ERIS, Our Lady of Discord and Gross Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao. 7. And under Eris Confusion became established, and was hence called Bureaucracy; while over Bureaucracy Eris became established, and was hence called Discordia. 8. By the by it came to pass that the Establishment of Bureaucracy perished in a paper shortage. 9. Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws. 00044 ________________________________ -2- 10. During and after the Fall of the Establishment of Bureaucracy was the Aftermath, an Age of Disorder in which calculation, computations, and reckonings were put away by the Chidren of Eris in Acceptance and Preparation for Return to Oblivion to be followed by a Repetition of the Universal Absurdity. Moreover, of Itself the Coming of Aftermath waseth a Resurrec- tion of the Freedom-flowing Chaos. HAIL ERIS! 11. Herein was set into motion the Eristic Pattern, which would Repeat Itself Five Times Over Seventy- three Times, after which nothing would happen. _______________________________________ * This doctrine should not be confused with DOGMA III - HISTORY #6, "HISTORIC CYCLES," which states that social progress occurs in five cycles, the first three ("The Tricycle") of which are THESIS, ANTITHESIS, and PARANTHESIS; and the last two ("The Bicycle") of which are CONSTERNATION and MORAL WARPITUDE. ** The LAW OF NEGATIVE REVERSAL states that if something does not happen then the exact opposite will happen, only in exactly the opposite manner from that in which it did not happen. NOTE: It is from this text from The Book of Uterus, that POEE has based its Erisian Calendar with the year divided ^nto 5 Seasons of 73 days each. Each of the Five Apostles of Eris has patronage over one Season. A chart of the Seasons, Patrons, Days of the Week, Holydays, and a perputual Gregorian con- verter is included in this edition of Principia. Dull but Sincere Filler 00045 "And, behold, thusly was the Law formulated: IMPOSITION of Order = escalation of Disorder!" [H.B.T.; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6] THE FIVE ORDERS OF DISCORDIA ("THEM") Gen. Pandaemonium, Commanding The seeds of the ORDERS OF DISCORDIA were planted by Greyface into his early disciples. They form the skeleton of the Aneristic Movement, which over emph- asizes the Principle of Order and is antagonistic to the necessary compliment, the Principle of Disorder. The Orders are composed of persons all hung up on authority, security and control; i.e., they are blind- ed by the Aneristic Illusion. They do not know that they belong to the Orders of Discordia. But we know. 1. The Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE SIDED TEMPLE. This is for all of the soldiers and bureaucrats of the world. 2. The Political Order of THE PARTY FOR WAR ON EVIL. This is reserved for lawmakers, censors, and like ilk. 3. The Academic Order of THE HEMLOCK FELLOWSHIP. They commonly inhabit schools and universities, and dominate many of them. 4. The Social Order of THE CITIZENS COMMITTEE FOR CONCERNED CITIZENS. This is mostly a grass-roots version of the more professional military, political, academic and sacred Orders. 5. The Sacred Order of THE DEFAMATION LEAGUE. Not much is known about the D.L., but they are very ancient and quite possibly were founded by Greyface himself. It is known that they now have absolute dom- ination over all organized churches in the world. It is also believed �hat they have been costuming cabbages and passing them off as human beings. Don't let THEM immanentize the Eschaton. A person belonging to one or more Order is just as likely to carry a flag of the counter-establishment as the flag of the establishment--just as long as it is a flag. HIP-2-3-4, HIP-2-3-4 GO TO YOUR LEFT-RIGHT... 00046 _______________________