All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat,
        All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot;
Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp that stings,
        He made their brutish venom, He made their horrid wings.
All things sick and cancerous, All evil great and small,
        All things foul and dangerous, The Lord God made them all.
Each nasty little hornet, Each beastly little squid.
        Who made the spikey urchin? Who made the sharks?  He did.
All things scabbed and ulcerous, All pox both great and small.
        Putrid, foul and gangrenous, The Lord God made them all.
                -- Monty Python's Flying Circus

     "God built a compelling sex drive into every creature, no
matter what style of fucking it practiced. He made sex irresistibly
pleasurable, wildly joyous, free from fears. He made it innocent
merriment.
     "Needless to say, fucking was an immediate smash hit. Everyone
agreed, from aardvarks to zebras. All the jolly animals -- lions and
lambs, rhinoceroses and gazelles, skylarks and lobsters, even insects,
though most of them fuck only once in a lifetime -- fucked along
innocently and merrily for hundreds of millions of years. Maybe they
were dumb animals, but they knew a good thing when they had one."
                -- Alan Sherman, "The Rape of the A*P*E*"

I don't believe in god because I don't believe in Mother Goose.
                -- Clarence Darrow

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians
called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka"
and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People
passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy
Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"
              -- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"

"To YOU I'm an atheist; to god, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
              -- Woody Allen

An atheist is but a mad, ridiculous derider of piety, but a hypocrite
makes a sober jest of god and religion; he finds it easier to be upon
his knees than to rise to a good action. -- Alexander Pope

No atheist, as such, can be a true friend, an affectionate relation,
or a loyal subject.  -- Dr. Bentley [Jesse Jones & George Bush]

Infidelity does not consists in believing or disbelieving; it
consists in professing to believe what one does not believe.
                                -- Thomas Paine

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethern, and to do good
is my religion. -- Thomas Paine

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men,
undergo the fatigue of supporting it. -- Thomas Paine

And how can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught
in the roller of an electric typewriter. -- Woody Allen

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person to
reconcile himself to the idea that after all God will not
help him. --- H L Mencken

Is man one of God's blunders or is god one of Man's blunders?
 -- Frederich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"Heaven and Earth were created all together in the same instant,
October 23rd, 4004 BC, at nine o'clock in the morning".
      - Dr. John Lightfoot.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
 - Mark Twain