Sentences which actually appeared in church bulletins

1.  This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North
   ends of the Church.  Children will be baptized on both ends.

2.  Tueday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies
   giving milk, please come early.

3.  Wednesday, the Ladies Literary Society will meet.  Mrs. Johnson
   will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed," accompanied by the Pastor.

4.  Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little
   Mother's Club. All those wishing to become Little Mothers please
   meet the Minister in his study.

5.  This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come
   forward and lay an egg on the altar.

6.  The service will close with "Little Drops of Water."  One of the
   ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will
   join in.

7.  On Sunday, there will be a special collection taken for defraying
   the expense of the new carpet.  All those wishing to do something
   on the carpet will please come forward and get a piece of paper.

8.  The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind
   and may be seen in the church basement on Friday.

This is a reprint from "Pasta," an underground newspaper from The
University of North Texas.