Msg # 454   
Date: 19 Jul 91 22:35:00
From: Jim Mooney
  To: All
Subj: bible - last page
____________________________________________________________________________

   I have received a number of queries about my mention that the last page
of the Bible -  which states that it was all a joke -  is routinely torn out
at the bible factory.  Here is  a copy of the full text, which I happen to
possess, having done some janitorial work at a local bible complex.

   TO:   Whom it May Concern
   FROM: God
   SUBJ: Bible

       The preceding was, of course, all a joke.  No sane or rational person
   is expected to live by the incoherent principles embodied herein.  Do not
   try them at home (or anywhere else, for that matter).  They are expressly
   for the use of professional Masochists and Fools.

       The only advice I can give is  --  Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, For
   Tomorrow You Shall Die.

       Oh, and stop whining.  I have no control over these things.  This
   silly Omnipotence business was started by Priests seeking to empty Your
   pockets by promising My favors.

       You don't think I Planned on reality being this screwed up, did you?

       Things just got out of hand.

       I mean, Dogs weren't supposed to shit in the house; everyone was
   supposed to get laid at least twice a week after Puberty; and I Never,
   Ever planned on Republicans.

   Well, I've got to go now.  Be back in about four billion years.
   Try to straighten thing out by then, will you?
   We'll have a good sit-down and you can tell me all about it.

   I'll bring the Beer.

                                           Yours Truly,

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                                        The One and Only

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