THEM SMARTALECKY SCIENCERS



Goldang it, them sciencer folks are goin two far and we ain't 
goin to put with no more of it! They's bin at it two long now 
and us what knows better are goin to make kids hear what we 
knows to be true. It ain't goin to make them public teachers 
smite em with it at school too, along with whatever smartalecky 
kids are there whose smartalecky folks thinks they knows 
somethin better.

Them sciencer fellers is always tryin too tell us some bull 
what don't square with common cents and what we's always ben 
told. Now, you just stand on your feet and look up. Is that 
there sun goin around us or not? And then them uppity sciencers 
was carryin on about the earth pullin down as fast on a feather 
as it does on a brick, when any danged fool can see it don't.

What's about this here folderol about solid stuff is almost all 
just empty space? just a few of them atom things whizzin around 
in there. You can't even see them atoms and them sciencers get 
all worked up about what they reckon is even little bittier 
whatchamacallits whizzin around inside them atoms! I tell you 
true, if them fancy fellers would just hit thier heads against 
thier blackboards they'd find out quick where that empty space 
is. It's in thier heads instead of the blackboards, that's 
where it is!

But the corker is this evolution stuff. Now all centsible folks 
knows what we was told at granpappy's knee and on momma's lap 
(just like they was told, and all folks befour them) is the 
true story. why else would a bunch of smart old men have 
written down them stories way back yonder befour anybody even 
knowed what science was? Besides, I heard that all kinds of 
folks has forever had stories like that so they must be 
somethin to em.

Why, ther's even some really smart folks who got into this 
science stuff enough to get some of them degree things after 
their names, and they's so a'taken with them old stories that 
they spend all thier time showin how wrong all them big 
sciencers who get the prizes and awards and honors really is. 
They even figered a way to call them old stories science too. 
(Like pa used to say, if you can't beet em any other way, just 
join em and then whack em from inside their own fence.) I just 
read some of them old story scienctist's stuff-what they calls 
proof and it sure is a whole lot easier to understand and it's 
kinda comfortin to, don't ya know.

Well, I just want to tell them Stanwood, WA (see March/April 
issue of Mother Jones magazine) folks to keep givin them fancy 
sciencer folks all the trouble you can and keep them old 
stories right up there with all the fancy stuff them teachers 
is a teachin them younguns of yours, and everyone else's. We 
sure do need all the help we can get to make the kids and 
everyone keep liking them old stories. Besides, what did them 
fancy sciencer folks ever learn or prove, and what did they 
ever do for us ordinary, decent, salt-of-the-earth folks? Even 
if they didn't start out to, they're messiin up our stories and 
we's just gotta outdo em!


                            By Jim bullion