Walk Away

Recovery from religious abuse
By Eric Merrill Budd

What happens to individuals who have been psychologically abused and 
morally betrayed by fundamentalist cultic religious groups? how can 
they recover from the damage done? Physically leaving such a group 
is relatively easy, but the emotional and psychological departure 
can take months or even years. This is why many people do not understand 
how any person can stay within a situation of religious abuse - much 
the same way that people fail to see how battered women stay with 
their abusers.

Such dysfunctional and destructive groups often use manipulation, 
fear, and deception to maintain a hold on members. They also shower 
their prey with unbelievable amounts of affection and approval for 
staying in the group and meeting their expectations ("love-bombing"). 
Groups also control and distort information from the outside. Thus 
it becomes a sin to read any "worldly" publications or "spiritual 
pornography." The group makes an extremely sharp distinction between 
right and wrong, good and evil; everything in the group is positive 
(godly), everything outside is negative (satanic). Ambiguity, doubts, 
and serious questions are not tolerated. The authority of the group's 
leadership is virtually absolute. All problems are oversimplified 
and deflected either away from the group or back towards the individual 
(this is a methodology that I have come to call conflict isolation).

It is no wonder, therefore, that the religiously abused frequently 
suffer from emotional and psychological problems. I believe that it 
is high time that our society recognizes and deals with religious 
abuse as a social-psychological disorder in itself. 

Generally, a person who breaks involvement with a dysfunctional group 
will encounter the following problems:_

Depression - the product of group-induced self-doubt and self-blame.

Isolation and loneliness - the shock of crossing the barrier from 
one social environemnt to another.

Impairment of decision-making and other intellectual skills.

Floating - occasional lapses into the group's imposed mindset, often 
triggered by certain stimuli (music, symbols, key words or phrases, 
etc.).

Difficulty in talking about group involvement - often related to strong 
feelings of guilt, fear, and bitterness.

Interpersonal difficulties - communication, expression, making new 
friends, organized activities, dating, emotional and physical intimacy, 
etc. Recent walk aways are frequently mistrustful and suspicious of 
other people and groups._

So, how does one recover? How does a person heal the wounds of religious 
abuse? Hopefully, within a caring and understanding new social setting. 
This can be a family, a support or therapy group, or an organized 
community such as a mainstream church, religious group, or humanist 
society. It should also be done with patience and the consideration 
that recovery will take time and effort. The following are some ideas 
for persons who have walked away from religious abuse and who are 
on the road to reclaiming their lives._

Work towards trusting yourself and relying on your own abilities.

Put your experience down in writing. This will help you to evaluate, 
understand, and cope with your past involvement in the abusive group.

Get in touch with other people who have gone through similar experiences, 
either one-on-one or in a support group.

Find a hobby or pastime to reinforce a positive sense of accomplishment.

When floating occurs, firmly remind yourself that the episode was 
triggered by some stimulus. Remember also that it will pass. Identify 
the trigger, learn to make a new association, and repeat the new association 
until it overrides the old one. Talking it over with someone who undersands 
can really help, too. 

Handle decisions, tasks, and relearning of interpersonal skills one 
setp at a time. Don't rush yourself, talk and think things over, and 
don't be afraid if you make mistakes - we all do!

Be more willing to help people as you go along. This builds up self-esteems 
and exercises your problem-solving skills.

Take a breather from organized religion for about three to nine months, 
at least. Deal with your questions about religion, ethics, and philosophy 
in an honest and challenging manner._

Remember, you are no longer a victim but a survivor!

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