The Institute for Advanced Study in Human Sexuality

28 Jul 02
Don Martin
Fun and Games at Work

Hi Gang,

I have been dragooned into participating in job interviews for an office computer geek, despite that fact that my work here has more to do with copy than with code. Our first guy comes Monday, and by way of preparation, I asked for a copy of his materials.

It turns out that he is not just an ordinary computer geek: he is C. Geek, PhD. I went through what he has done hither and yon in computing--all pretty standard government performance reviews (vague generalities in leaden prose), and got to his CV. Being an old academic, I tend to pay attention to stuff like degrees. C. Geek holds his PhD from some place called "The Institute for Advanced Study in Human Sexuality", an odd place for computer geeks, noted for their general lack of sexuality (at least with anyone else in the room at the same time). Curious, I found their website at http://www.iashs.edu/.

I went for their catalogue, as these are recognized as legal contract between institutions and their customers (students, in this case), paying particular attention to

APPROVAL AND ACCREDITATION

No school that I have attended, either as a student or as a teacher, begins this section with material addressed to foreign students. This one does:

Of particular interest to all foreign students: The Institute is authorized to issue Form M-1 to foreign, non-immigrant students. For current status, contact the Registrar's office. The Bureau for Private Postsecondary and Vocational Education requires that we indicate that transfer units must be from accredited and approved institutions. Before applying, please contact us.

In other words, the school has been given official sanction to take the pesos, yen, yuan, euros, and other such monetary trash from foreign students (note the "non-immigrant" bit) who will _not_ be staying in this country afterward.

In keeping with the FEDERAL REGISTER April 29, 1994 policy on public disclosure: The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality was granted initial accreditation on February, 1983 from the Accrediting Commission for Higher Education of the National Association of Private, Non-traditional Schools and Colleges (NAPNSC) located at 182 Thompson Road, Grand Junction, Colorado 81503. Phone: 970-243-5441 or fax 970- 242-4392.

Most schools begins this section with language like "The U of ______ is accredited by the North Central Consortium of Institutions of Higher Education;" they do not begin with an admission that they would probably have kept silent about the matter had the law permitted them to. But this place is different. It got its initial accreditation from NAPNSC nearly 20 years ago. Usually accreditations are renewed from time to time, but we get no notice of updates here: apparently the intitial one was enough for them. Perhaps it is enough for NAPNSC, if, indeed, that body is still in existence, for the next paragraph tells us:

The NAPNSC Commission has petitioned for initial recognition by the United States Secretary of Education as a nationally recognized accrediting body.

Notice, that status is what they have _applied_ for. I see no sign that they have received it yet (and, I suspect, this school would be very quick to tell the world that its accrediting agency had managed to get itself accredited).

All Institute graduates are eligible for membership in The American College of Sexologists.

I confess that I actually had some work to do today, and so did not get around to looking for material on either NAPNSC or The American College of Sexologists, though being of a nasty turn of mind, I rather expect the latter to be a wholly owned subsidiary of The Institute for Advanced Study in Human Sexuality: "Sure, Kid, we'll make you a member of our little club . . . . " I'll leave that one to others.

Information about the approval status of the Institute should be addressed to THE BUREAU FOR PRIVATE POSTSECONDARY AND VOCATIONAL EDUCATION (BPPVE), 1027 Tenth Street, Fourth Floor, Sacramento, California 95814-3517. Phone: 916-445-3427.

This paragraph goes to the fact that The Institute for Advanced Study in Human Sexuality is licensed to do business as a school in the State of California, not a state noted for its tight-fistedness in granting such licenses.

I found a list of dissertations. Our man wrote about the sexual fantasies of women of various ages: an intellectual background our office really needs in its computer specialists.

I found some copy on the library, touted as the "most comprehensive sexological library in the world". This collection consists of "75,000 books, 150,000 magazines and pamphlets, 50,000 videotapes, 200,000 films, and more than 900,000 photographs and slides." Most real libraries list the number of _subscriptions_ they maintain of serials, not the number of copies of the things they have lying about, and while 900,000 is a pretty impressive number, pictures and slides are most useful when organized into subjects ("Dildo designs: 1735 to the Present" springs to mind here) and not just left in a mound of nearly a million pieces. This number of books would be reasonable for a decent junior college in existence for 20 years: for a place granting graduate degrees it is pretty thin.

The best laughs, though, came in the FAQ:

How much time do I need to spend in San Francisco? What are the residency requirements?

Under the Institute's programs it is possible for students to continue their professional education without leaving their present employment. A minimum of two to three weeks per trimester is required to be spent at the Institute. Experience indicates that, for the majority of students, the more time spent in residence the better they progress through the program. Reading, watching video courses, writing papers, and similar work required during the trimester may be done in private study at home.

I invite y'all to check out the PhD programs at your state universities (a few cuts below Harvard, but whatthehell, they at least have _some_ standards). I suspect that you are more likely to find that they will want you on campus for a couple of years (rather than 9 weeks, tops, per year) before considering you eligible for a doctorate.

Being a kindly soul, I have saved the very best Q&A for last:

Can I receive credit for prior work which I may have done in the area of human sexuality?

The Institute takes into consideration the fact that students bring with them backgrounds widely different in experience and training. It is not the wish of the Institute for persons to duplicate work already completed. Therefore, the Institute will give a limited amount of credit for previous academic work and professional experience in the field of human sexuality. If the individual can demonstrate and document three full years of work in the field of sexuality, they may be appropriate candidates for the Honors Program.

Should you have ever managed to have gotten laid, you might score some grad credits here. Show some evidence of being a hooker for 3 years (court appearance records will do), and you may get your degree with Honors.

... Through a Jaundiced Eye Darkly--Rheum With a View
(don.martin@hq.med.va.gov)

--- Blue Wave/386 v2.20
* Origin: Nerve Center - Where the spine is misaligned! (1:261/1000)