LaVey's Nine Satanic Statements

From _The Satanic Bible_
 

I.  Satan represents Indulgence, instead of abstinence!

II. Satan represents vital existence, instead of spiritual pipe dreams!

III. Satan represents undefilied wisdom, instead of hypocritical self deceit!

IV.  Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love	wasted
     on ingrates!

V.   Satan represents vengence, instead of turing the other cheek!

VI.  Satan represents responsibility to the responsible, instead of concern
     for psychic vampyres!

VII. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better and
     sometimes worse!

VIII.  Satan represents all of the "so called" sins, as they all lead to
       physical, mental and emotional gratification!

IX.  Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept
     them in business all these years!