SNOWDROPS FROM A CURATE'S GARDEN - FRAGMENT PP 26-85

CAPITULUM VI
   I think, said Leila, as her frantic dripping-pan released my sizzling sausage, done to a turn, that we shall restore your despondent tickle-gizzard to a better condition if we look on a bit at the Archbishop, & his games. Surely he is asleep after such a night with the camel, I objected, for it was now morning, the expert melting-pot of the hot-arsed hogonanny having kept my metal at the point all night without ever giving it a chance to run over. Not he! she sneered. He is now with his Venerable Aunt, as he calls her, a lascivious old woman if ever there was one! A very gobble-prick! A brimstone hunter! But come! you shall see them.
   We strolled into the next room, where the greyhaired old foreskin-hunter was in the very act of swallowing the large & luscious semolina pudding that trickled from the recently frigged whore-pipe of her nephew.
   Two active boys were engaged in stuffing her lucky-bag with current numbers of the Daily M..., as I observed with satisfaction, guessing at last the secret of our enormous circulation.
   When the supply of these was done, they continued with the Sunday S.....d & that peculiarly foul organ, Good W...m.
   This was her chief pleasure, since she had sought this temporary retirement from the whirl of Politics.
   Licking her loose & wrinkled lips, she spat the glutinous relics of her nephew's emission into the face of her last lover, a Scotch missionary of a bloated & drunken type, & began her favourite anecdote, the story of her election as a Dame of the Grand Council of the P.....e League. To skip irrelevant details, she began, let me merely say that I was stripped & whipped by a bevy of lust-maddened wag-tails headed by a Marchioness. My unfailing sense of propriety led me to protest against this umneaning assault: but in vain.
   A string of girls & women seized my clitoris - (I saw this now for the first time. What I had supposed to be a coil of rope on which she was sitting slowly arose & unwound itself. It was a clitoris indeed! Lady's love-lump were a futile term: rather a fancy faggot's fuck-flapper, in Swinburne's faultless phrase. But all phrases are weak. It was Nature's standing miracle.) - which, as you will observe, is ninety-seven yards, two feet, & four & three quarter inches in length - it is the sorrow of my life that I have never touched the 100 yard mark! - & standing in a long row, began to frig & suck it madly. As you see, I can coil & uncoil it at pleasure: I can wind myself up in it: I could hang myself in it if the whim took me. I have dipped it in treacle, & hiven a Sunday-School treat which the children will remember for years - they all got the clap! - I have smeared it in birdslime, & caught a record of eagles: I have buggered eight pythons at one moment: I have - But why boast, she piously interrupted herself, since it is but the grace of God? Yet, for His Glory, I proceed. I have used it to climb the inaccessible rocks: the Mittleggi Grat of the Eiger, the N. Face of the Matterhorn, the E. face of the Zinal-Rothhorn, whose last 50 feet baffled the unequalled Bletzerstoch; all, all have fallen before the dauntless dexterity by which I thrown up its sensitive end, & hauled myself laboriously after it. I have used it to save the lives of gallant British tars when the lifeboat overturned, & the Rocket apparatus jammed; for I flung it aboard the distressed ship in the teeth of a fearful gale, & held it there for hours while the grateful seamen swung to land in buckets. I have also, she continued more shyly, derived some gratification of a sensual nature from its employment. But nothing to the P.....e League! They got there, & they stayed there: they stayed there till the poor old emotion-knob was nearly torn to shreds. The Conservative Female is a pretty randy proposition, you bet your life!

[Ms. identical with that in Texas, - rest omitted]