>> This brief article was written for ParaNet by Professor Paul Damon, University of Arizona geochronologist, who will be one of the first seven people in the world to know the true age of the Shroud of Turin. He has been selected by the Vatican to perform a special Carbon-14 dating process called Tandem Accelorator Mass Spectrometry. 
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                   HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE,
                           FOR EXAMPLE, SCIENTISTS

                               by Paul E. Damon

     Scientists  are  people, you know, and like other people they can be an-
noyed. But why bother to annoy, when it is just as easy to enrage.

     For  example,  choose an elderly scientist who has patiently studied the 
evolutionary  record  for, say, 40 years, and point out his errors to him. If 
he  persists in his mistaken notion, quote Genesis, Chapter 2, the 7th verse. 
If  he  mutters something about fossils, put it to him straight: "Fossils are 
an  invention of the devil to confound mankind." If he is obstinate, tell him 
that you will believe him if he can turn a frog into a man.


     There  is a curious notion current among biologists that inheritance has 
something  to  do  with  genes  an chromosomes. You can straighten him out by 
telling  him  that  it's  all by way of the blood. Incidentally, let him know 
all about the dangers of inter-racial blood transfusions.

     If  he  is an astronomer, give him a few pointers on the geocentric uni-
verse. If he argues, don't listen; he's prejudiced.

     Suppose  that  a  physicist  tries to explain certain fundamental limit-
ations  on  space  travel.  He  may  point  out that infinite energy would be 
required  to  accelerate  a space ship to the speed of light. Put this pessi-
mist  straight  -  remind  him  of what they said about traveling at 100 mph. 
This  is the same sort of guy who worries about a third world war. If he gets 
on  to  the subject of H bombs, chemical and bacteriological warfare, let him 
know  what  they  said  about the cross bow. This type also worries about the 
population  explosion.  Tell  him  about your absolute faith in science. Then 
tell  him  about  your  idea  to  save the taxpayer by turning all support of 
science over to the states.

     Chemists  and  physicists are very interested in energy conversion. Tell 
them about your idea for a perpetual motion machine.

     Geologists  are  concerned with geological time, but how many know about 
Usher's  method  for  dating the antiquity of man. You know, Archbishop Usher 
calculated  that  man was created on Friday, October 26th at 9 o'clock in the 
morning, 4004 BC. See if he can top that for precision.

     But  if  you  really want to get a rise, tell him how much Frank Sinatra 
makes  and  ask  him, "If you're so smart, why ain't you rich?" These remarks 
will  really  enrage  him.  But, on second thought, depending on his mood and 
temperament, they may be good for a few laughs.