OUR REAL HOME
                                        
                                        
   A talk addressed to an aging lay disciple approaching her death
                                        
                                        
    
    Now determine in your mind to listen respectfully to the Dhamma. 
 While I am speaking, be as attentive to my words as if it was the 
 Lord Buddha himself sitting before you. Close your eyes and make 
 yourself comfortable, composing your mind and making it one-pointed. 
 Humbly allow the Triple Gem of wisdom, truth and purity to abide in 
 your heart as a way of showing respect to the Fully Enlightened One.
    
    Today I have brought nothing of material substance to offer you, 
 only the Dhamma, the teachings of the Lord Buddha. You should 
 understand that even the Buddha himself, with his great store of 
 accumulated virtue, could not avoid physical death. When he reached 
 old age he ceded his body and let go of the heavy burden. Now you 
 too must learn to be satisfied with the many years you've already 
 depended on the body. You should feel that it's enough.
    
    Like household utensils that you've had for a long time -- cups, 
 saucers, plates and so on -- when you first had them they were clean 
 and shining, but now after using them for so long, they're starting 
 to wear out. Some are already broken, some have disappeared, and 
 those that are left are wearing out, they have no stable form. And 
 it's their nature to be that way. Your body is the same...it's been 
 continually changing from the day you were born, through childhood 
 and youth, until now it's reached old age. You must accept this. The 
 Buddha said that conditions, whether internal, bodily conditions or 
 external conditions, are not self, their nature is to change. 
 Contemplate this truth clearly.
    
    This very lump of flesh lying here in decline is reality.[*] The 
 facts of this body are reality, they are the timeless teaching of 
 the Lord Buddha. The Buddha taught us to contemplate this and come 
 to terms with its nature. We must be able to be at peace with the 
 body, no matter what state it is in. The Buddha taught that we 
 should ensure that it's only the body that is locked up in jail and 
 not the mind be imprisoned along with it. Now as your body begins to 
 run down and wear out with age, don't resist, but also don't let 
 your mind deteriorate along with it. Keep the mind separate. Give 
 energy to the mind by realizing the truth of the way things are. The 
 Lord Buddha taught that this is the nature of the body, it can't be 
 any other way. Having been born it gets old and sick and then it 
 dies. This is a great truth that you are presently witnessing. Look 
 at the body with wisdom and realize this.
    
 *[Saccadhamma]
    
    
    If your house is flooded or burnt to the ground, whatever the 
 threat to it, let it concern only the house. If there's a flood, 
 don't let it flood your mind. If there's a fire, don't let it burn 
 your heart. Let it be merely the house, that which is outside of 
 you, that is flooded or burned. Now is the time to allow the mind to 
 let go of attachments.
    
    You've been alive a long time now. Your eyes have seen any number 
 of forms and colors, your ears have heard so many sounds, you've had 
 any number of experiences. And that's all they were -- experiences. 
 You've eaten delicious foods, and all those goods tastes were just 
 good tastes, nothing more. The bad tastes were just bad tastes, 
 that's all. If the eye sees a beautiful form that's all it is... a 
 beautiful form. An ugly form is just an ugly form. The ear hears an 
 entrancing, melodious sound and it's nothing more than that. A 
 grating, discordant sound is simply that.
    
    The Buddha said that rich or poor, young or old, human or animal, 
 no being in this world can maintain itself in any single state for 
 long. Everything experiences change and deprivation. this is a fact 
 of life about which we can do nothing to remedy. But the Buddha said 
 that what we can do is to contemplate the body and mind to see their 
 impersonality, that neither of them is "me" nor "mine". They have 
 only a provisional reality. It's like this house, it's only 
 nominally yours. You couldn't take it with you anywhere. The same 
 applies to your wealth, your possessions and your family -- they're 
 yours only in name. they don't really belong to you, they belong to 
 nature.
    
    Now this truth doesn't apply to you alone, everyone is in the 
 same boat -- even the Lord Buddha and his enlightened disciples. 
 They differed from us only in one respect, and that was their 
 acceptance of the way things are. They saw that it could be no other 
 way.
    
    So the Buddha taught us to probe and examine the body, from the 
 soles of the feet up to the crown of the head, and then back down to 
 the feet again. Just take a look at the body. What sort of things do 
 you see? Is there anything intrinsically clean there? Can you find 
 any abiding essence? This whole body is steadily degenerating. The 
 Buddha taught us to see that it doesn't belong to us. It's natural 
 for the body to be this way, because all conditioned phenomena are 
 subject to change. How else would you have it? In fact there is 
 nothing wrong with the way the body is. It's not the body that 
 causes suffering, it's wrong thinking. When you see things in the 
 wrong way, there's bound to be confusion.
    
    It's like the water of a river. It naturally flows downhill, it 
 never flows uphill. That's it's nature. If a person was to go and 
 stand on the river bank and want the water to flow back uphill, he 
 would be foolish. Wherever he went his foolish thinking would allow 
 him no peace of mind. He would suffer because of his wrong view, his 
 thinking against the stream. If he had right view he would see that 
 the water must inevitably flow downhill, and until he realized and 
 accepted that fact he would be bewildered and frustrated.
    
    The river that must flow down the gradient is like your body. 
 Having been young your body's become old and is meandering towards 
 its death. Don't go wishing it were otherwise, it's not something 
 you have the power to remedy. The Buddha told us to see the way 
 things are and then let go of our clinging to them. Take this 
 feeling of letting go as your refuge. Keep meditating even if you 
 feel tired and exhausted. Let your mind be with the breath. Take a 
 few deep breaths and then establish the attention on the breath, 
 using the mantra word Bud-dho. Make this practice continual. The 
 more exhausted you feel the more subtle and focused your 
 concentration must be, so that you can cope with any painful 
 sensations that arise. When you start to feel fatigued then bring 
 all your thinking to a halt, let the mind gather itself together and 
 then turn to knowing the breath. Just keep up the inner recitation, 
 Bud-dho, Bud-dho.
    
    Let go of all externals. Don't go grasping at thoughts of your 
 children and relatives, don't grasp at anything whatsoever. Let go. 
 Let the mind unite in a single point and let that composed mind 
 dwell with the breath. Let the breath be its sole object of 
 knowledge. Concentrate until the mind becomes increasingly subtle, 
 until feelings are insignificant and there is great inner clarity 
 and wakefulness. Then any painful sensations that arise will 
 gradually cease of their own accord.
    
    Finally you'll look on the breath as if it were some relatives 
 come to visit you. When the relatives leave, you follow them out to 
 see them off. You watch until they've walked up the drive and out of 
 sight, and then you go back indoors. We watch the breath in the same 
 way. If the breath is coarse we know that it's coarse, if it's 
 subtle we know that it's subtle. As it becomes increasingly fine we 
 keep following it, the same time awakening the mind. Eventually the 
 breath disappears altogether and all that remains is that feeling of 
 alertness. This is called meeting the Buddha. We have that clear, 
 wakeful awareness called Bud-dho, the one who knows, the awakened 
 one, the radiant one. This is meeting and dwelling with the Buddha, 
 with knowledge and clarity. It was only the historical Buddha who 
 passed away. The true Buddha, the Buddha that is clear, radiant 
 knowing, can still be experienced and attained today. And if we do 
 attain it, the heart is one.
    
    So let go, put everything down, everything except the knowing. 
 Don't be fooled if visions or sounds arise in your mind during 
 meditation. Lay them all down. Don't take hold of anything at all, 
 just stay with this unified awareness. Don't worry about the past or 
 the future, just be still and you will reach the place where there's 
 no advancing, no retreating and no stopping, where there's nothing 
 to grasp at or cling to. Why? Because there's no self, no "me" or 
 "mine". It's all gone. The Buddha taught to empty yourself of 
 everything in this way, not to carry anything around... to know, and 
 having known, let go.
    
    Realizing the Dhamma, the path to freedom from the round of birth 
 and death, is a task that we all have to do alone. So keep trying to 
 let go and understand the teachings. Put effort into your 
 contemplation. Don't worry about your family. At the moment they are 
 as they are, in the future they will be like you. There's no-one in 
 the world who can escape this fate. The Buddha taught to lay down 
 those things that lack a real abiding essence. If you lay everything 
 down you will see the real truth, if you don't, you won't. That's 
 the way it is. And it's the same for everyone in the world. So don't 
 grasp at anything.
    
    Even if you find yourself thinking, well that's all right too, as 
 long as you think wisely. Don't think foolishly. If you think of 
 your children, think of them with wisdom, not with foolishness. 
 Whatever the mind turns to, think of it with wisdom, be aware of its 
 nature. To know something with wisdom is to let it go and have no 
 suffering over it. The mind is bright, joyful and at peace. It turns 
 away from distractions and is undivided. Right now what you can look 
 to for help and support is your breath.
    
    This is your own work, no-one else's. Leave others to do their 
 own work. You have your own duty and responsibility, you don't have 
 to take on those of your family. Don't take on anything else, let it 
 all go. This letting go will make your mind calm. Your sole 
 responsibility right now is to focus your mind and bring it to 
 peace. Leave everything else to the others. Forms, sounds, odors, 
 tastes... leave them to the others to attend to. Put everything 
 behind you and do your own work, fulfill your own responsibility. 
 Whatever arises in your mind, be it fear of pain, fear of death, 
 anxiety about others or whatever, say to it, "Don't disturb me. 
 You're no longer any concern of mine." Just keep this to yourself 
 when you see those //dhammas// arise. 
    
    What does the word //dhamma// refer to? Everything is a 
 //dhamma//, there is nothing that is not a //dhamma//. And what 
 about "world"? The world is the very mental state that is agitating 
 you at the present moment. "What are they going to do? When I'm gone 
 who will look after them? How will they manage?" This is all just 
 the "world". Even the mere arising of a thought fearing death or 
 pain is the world. Throw the world away! The world is the way it is. 
 If you allow it to dominate your mind it becomes obscured and can't 
 see itself. So whatever appears in the mind, just say, "This isn't 
 my business. It's impermanent, unsatisfactory and not self."
    
    Thinking you'd like to go on living for a long time will make you 
 suffer. But thinking you'd like to die right away or very quickly 
 isn't right either. It's suffering, isn't it? Conditions don't 
 belong to us, they follow their own natural laws. You can't do 
 anything about the way the body is. You can beautify it a little, 
 make it attractive and clean for a while, like the young girls who 
 paint their lips and let their nails grow long, but when old age 
 arrives, everybody's in the same boat. That's the way the body is, 
 you can't make it any other way. What you can improve and beautify 
 is the mind.
    
    Anyone can build a house of wood and bricks, but the Buddha 
 taught that that sort of home is not our real home, it's only 
 nominally ours. It's home in the world and it follows the ways of 
 the world. Our real home is inner peace. An external, material home 
 may well be pretty but it is not very peaceful. There's this worry 
 and then that, this anxiety and then that. So we say it's not our 
 real home, it's external to us. Sooner or later we'll have to give 
 it up. it's not a place we can live in permanently because it 
 doesn't truly belong to us, it belongs to the world. Our body is the 
 same. We take it to be a self, to be "me" or "mine", but in fact 
 it's not really so at all, it's another worldly home. Your body has 
 followed its natural course from birth, until now it's old and sick, 
 and you can't forbid it from doing that. That's the way it is. 
 Wanting it to be any different would be as foolish as wanting a duck 
 to be like a chicken. When you see that that's impossible -- that a 
 duck must be a duck and a chicken must be a chicken, and that the 
 bodies have to get old and die -- you will find courage and energy. 
 However much you want the body to go on lasting, it won't do that.
    
    The Buddha said,
    
    //Anicca vata sankhara//
             Impermanent, alas, are all conditions
    
    //Uppada vaya dhammmino//
             Arising and passing away
    
    //Uppajjitva nirujjhan'ti//
             Having been born they all must cease
    
    //Tesam vupasamo sukho//
             The calming of conditions is true happiness [*]
 
 * [A chant traditionally recited at funeral ceremonies]
    
    
    The word "//sankhara//" refers to this body and mind. 
 //Sankharas// are impermanent and unstable. having come into being 
 they disappear, having arisen they pass away, and yet everyone wants 
 them to be permanent. This is foolishness. Look at the breath. Once 
 it's gone in, it goes out, that's its nature, that's how it has to 
 be. The inhalations and exhalations have to alternate, there must be 
 change. Conditions exist through change, you can't prevent it. Just 
 think, could you exhale without inhaling? Would it feel good? Or 
 could you just inhale? We want things to be permanent but they can't 
 be, it's impossible. Once the breath has come in, it must go out. 
 When it's gone out it comes back in again, and that's natural, isn't 
 it? Having been born we get old and then die, and that's totally 
 natural and normal. It's because conditions have done their job, 
 because the in breaths and out breaths have alternated in this way, 
 that the human race is still here today.
    
    As soon as we are born we are dead. Our birth and our death are 
 just one thing. It's like a tree: when there's a root there must be 
 branches, when there are branches there must be a root. You can't 
 have one without the other. It's a little funny to see how at death 
 people are so grief stricken and distracted and at birth how happy 
 and delighted. It's delusion, nobody has ever looked at this 
 clearly. I think if you really want to cry it would be better to do 
 so when someone's born. Birth is death, death is birth; the branch 
 is the root, the root is the branch. If you must cry, cry at the 
 root, cry at the birth. Look closely: if there was no birth there 
 would be no death. Can you understand this?
    
    Don't worry about things too much, just think "this is the way 
 things are". This is your work, your duty. Right now nobody can help 
 you, there's nothing that your family and possessions can do for 
 you. all that can help you now is clear awareness.
    
    So don't waver. Let go. Throw it all away.
    
    Even if you don't let go, everything is starting to leave you 
 anyway. Can you see that, how all the different parts of your body 
 are trying to slip away? Take your hair; when you were young it was 
 thick and black. Now it's falling out. It's leaving. Your eyes used 
 to be good and strong but now they're weak, your sight is unclear. 
 When your organs have had enough they leave, this isn't their home. 
 When your organs have had enough they leave, this isn't their home. 
 When you were a child your teeth were healthy and firm, now they're 
 wobbly, or you've got false ones. Your eyes, ears, nose, tongue -- 
 everything is trying to leave because this isn't their home. You 
 can't make a permanent home in conditions, you can only stay for a 
 short time and then you have to go. It's like a tenant watching over 
 his tiny little house with failing eyes. His teeth aren't so good, 
 his eyes aren't so good, his body's not so healthy, everything is 
 leaving. 
    
    So you needn't worry about anything because this isn't your real 
 home, it's only a temporary shelter. Having come into this world you 
 should contemplate its nature. Everything there is is preparing to 
 disappear. Look at your body. Is there anything there that's still 
 in its original form? Is your skin as it used to be? Is your hair? 
 They aren't the same, are they? Where has everything gone? This is 
 nature, the way things are. When their time is up, conditions go 
 their way. In this world there is nothing to rely on -- it's an 
 endless round of disturbance and trouble, pleasure and pain. There's 
 no peace.
    
    When we have no real home we're like aimless travelers out on the 
 road, going here and there, stopping for a while and then setting 
 off again. Until we return to our real homes we feel uneasy, just 
 like a villager who's left his village. Only when he gets home can 
 he really relax and be at peace.
    
    Nowhere in the world is there any real peace to be found. The 
 poor have no peace and neither do the rich; adults have no peace and 
 neither do the highly educated. There's no peace anywhere, that's 
 the nature of the world. Those who have few possessions suffer, and 
 so do those who have many. Children, adults, old and 
 young...everyone suffers. The suffering of being old, the suffering 
 of being young, the suffering of being wealthy and the suffering of 
 being poor... it's all nothing but suffering.
    
    When you've contemplated things in this way you'll see 
 //aniccam//, impermanence, and //dukkham//, unsatisfactoriness. Why 
 are things impermanent and unsatisfactory? Because they are 
 //anatta//, not self.
    
    Both your body that is lying sick and in pain, and the mind that 
 is aware of its sickness and pain, are called //dhamma//. That which 
 is formless, the thoughts, feelings and perceptions, is called 
 //namadhamma//. That which is racked with aches and pains is called 
 //rupadhamma//. The material is //dhamma// and the immaterial is 
 //dhamma//. So we live with //dhammas//, in //dhamma//, and we are 
 //dhamma//. In truth there is no self to be found, there are only 
 //dhammas// continually arising and passing away as is their nature. 
 Every single moment we're undergoing birth and death. This is the 
 way things are.
    
    When we think of the Lord Buddha, how truly he spoke, we feel how 
 worthy he is of reverence and respect. Whenever we see the truth of 
 something we see His teachings, even if we've never actually 
 practiced the Dhamma. But even if we have a knowledge of the 
 teachings, have studied and practiced them, as long as we still 
 haven't seen the truth we are still homeless.
    
    So understand this point. All people, all creatures, are 
 preparing to leave. When beings have lived an appropriate time they 
 must go on their way. Rich, poor, young and old must all experience 
 this change.
    
    When you realize that's the way the world is you'll feel that 
 it's a wearisome place. When you see that there's nothing real or 
 substantial you can rely on you'll feel wearied and disenchanted. 
 Being disenchanted doesn't mean you are averse, the mind is clear. 
 It sees that there's nothing to be done to remedy this state of 
 affairs, it's just the way the world is. Knowing in this way you can 
 let go of attachment, letting go with a mind that is neither happy 
 nor sad, but at peace with conditions through seeing their changing 
 nature with wisdom. //Anicca vata sankhara// -- all conditions are 
 impermanent.
    
    To put it simply, impermanence is the Buddha. If we truly see an 
 impermanent condition we'll see that it's permanent. It's permanent 
 in the sense that its subjection to change is unchanging. This is 
 the permanence that living beings possess. There is continual 
 transformation, from childhood through to old age, and that very 
 impermanence, that propensity to change, is permanent and fixed. If 
 you look at it like this your heart will be at ease. It's not just 
 you who has to go through this, it's everyone.
    
    When you consider things in this way you'll see them as 
 wearisome, and disenchantment will arise. Your delight in the world 
 of sense pleasures will disappear. You'll see that if you have many 
 possessions you have to leave a lot behind. If you have a few you 
 leave few behind. Wealth is just wealth, long life is just long 
 life... they're nothing special.
    
    What is important is that we should do as the Lord Buddha taught 
 and build our own home, building it by the method that I've been 
 explaining to you. Build your own home. Let go. Let go until the 
 mind reaches the peace that is free from advancing, free from 
 retreating and free from stopping still. Pleasure is not your home, 
 pain is not your home. Pleasure and pain both decline and pass away.
    
    The Great Teacher saw that all conditions are impermanent and so 
 He taught us to let go of our attachment to them. When we reach the 
 end of our life we'll have no choice anyway, we won't be able to 
 take anything with us. So wouldn't it be better to put things down 
 before then? They're just a heavy burden to carry around, why not 
 throw off that load now? Why bother to drag these things around? Let 
 go, relax, and let your family look after you.
    
    Those who nurse the sick grow in goodness and virtue. The patient 
 who is giving others that opportunity shouldn't make things 
 difficult for them. If there's pain or some problem or other, let 
 them know and keep the mind in a wholesome state. One who is nursing 
 parents should fill his or her mind with warmth and kindness and not 
 get caught up in aversion. This is the one time you can repay your 
 debt to them. From your birth through your childhood, as you've 
 grown up, you've been dependent on your parents. That you are here 
 today is because your mother and father have helped you in so many 
 ways. You owe them an incredible debt of gratitude.
    
    So today, all of you children and relatives gathered together 
 here, observe how your mother has become your child. Before you were 
 her children, now she has become yours. She has become older and 
 older until she has become a child again. Her memory goes, her eyes 
 don't see well and her ears aren't so good. Sometimes she garbles 
 her words. Don't let it upset you. You who are nursing the sick must 
 know how to go also. Don't hold onto things, just let her have her 
 own way. When a young child is disobedient sometimes the parents let 
 it have its own way just to keep the peace, just to make it happy. 
 Now your mother is just like that child. Her memories and 
 perceptions are confused. Sometimes she muddles up your names, or 
 asks you to bring a cup when she wants a plate. It's normal, don't 
 be upset by it.
    
    Let the patient bear in mind the kindness of those who nurse and 
 patiently endure the painful feelings. Exert yourself mentally, 
 don't let the mind become scattered and confused, and don't make 
 things difficult for those looking after you. Let those who are 
 nursing fill their minds with virtue and kindness. Don't be averse 
 to the unattractive side of the job, cleaning up the mucous and 
 phlegm, urine and excrement. Try your best. Everyone in the family 
 give a hand.
    
    She is the only mother you have. She gave you life, she has been 
 your teacher, your doctor and your nurse -- she's been everything to 
 you. That she has brought you up, shared her wealth with you and 
 made you her heir is the great goodness of parents. That is why the 
 Buddha taught the virtues of //katannu// and //katavedi//, knowing 
 our debt of gratitude and trying to repay it. These two //dhamma// 
 are complimentary. If our parents are in need, unwell or in 
 difficulty, then we do our best to help them. This is 
 //katannu-katavedi//, the virtue that sustains the world. It 
 prevents families from breaking up, and makes them stable and 
 harmonious.
    
    Today I have brought you the gift of Dhamma in this time of 
 illness. I have no material things to offer you, there seem to be 
 plenty of those in this house already. And so I give you the Dhamma, 
 something which has lasting worth, something which you'll never be 
 able to exhaust. Having received it you can pass it on to as many 
 others as you like and it will never be depleted. That is the nature 
 of Truth. I am happy to have been able to give you this gift of 
 Dhamma and hope it will give you the strength to deal with your 
 pain.
    
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