Here are my "psychic predictions" for the second half of
this year, 1996. --- drice
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#1) The President, Ms. Clinton and L. R. Hubbard will be
    named as "Unindicted co-conspirators" in the Whitewater
    land fraud case. Hubbard will claim immunity from
    prosecution on the grounds that he is dead. So will
    the Clintons.

#2) Sally Field will make a come-back movie as The Flying
    Nun. The plot will include her getting struck by a
    jumbo jet and being saved by a flying saucer piloted
    by Jesus. Shirley McClain will produce the movie.

#3) Uri Geller will promote a line of jewelry, each piece
    of which he will claim has been "charged" by his super
    "psychic powers." For a mere US$954.00, you, too, can
    have your wrist turn green with Uri's special 
    "gold"  bracelets.

#4) Orenthal James Simpson will get on national T.V. and
    wail about how badly he has been abused and victimized
    by women all through his life, and in a fit of tears
    whimper "th' ho' bitch had in commin'."

#5) Charlton Heston will finally snap completely and
    declare that yes, indeed, he really =IS= both God,
    Moses, and the Omega Man. G. Ted Armstrong will
    believe him. So will Henry Morris.

#6) Nutrasweet(tm) will be found to cause memory loss and
    penile shrinkage. Pepsico and the Coca-cola Company
    will be sued out of business by sexually frustrated,
    girlfriendless men who can't remember why they are
    suing.

#7) James Randi will be hit by the asteroid that was
    reciently named after him. Just before impact, Randi
    will be overheard muttering in astonishment "I don't
    believe this is happening." Uri Geller will take
    credit for psychically changing the asteroids orbit.

#8) Jean Dixon will later claim she psychically saw the
    Randi-to-Randi collision.

#9) The Mars Explorer will mysteriously reapear on JPL's
    and NASA's telemetry, and it will just as mysteriously
    be sending back to Earth the message, over and over
    again: "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."

#10) Ralph Reed will anounce that he and Marion Gordon
    "Pat" Robertson are lovers. This will be the final
    straw that causes President Clinton to sign the bill
    that outlaws "same-sex marriages." Ralph and "Pat"
    move to San Francisco, take up co-habitation, and
    Ralph will change his name to "Ralph Robertson."