By: DAVID RICE
Re: Voltaire, Gods

GOD


DURING the reign of Arcadius, Logomacos, lecturer in theology of
Constantinople, went to Scythia and halted at the foot of the
Caucasus, in the fertile plains of Zephirim, on the frontier of
Colchis. That good old man Dondindac was in his great lower hall,
between his sheepfold and his vast barn; he was kneeling with his
wife, his five sons and five daughters, his kindred and his
servants, and after a light meal they were all singing God's
praises. " What do you there, idolator? " said Logomacos to him.

" I am not an idolator," answered Dondindac.

" You must be an idolator," said Logomacos, " seeing that you are
not Greek. Tell me, what was that you were singing in your barbarous
Scythian jargon? "

" All tongues are equal in the ears of God," answered the Scythian.
" We were singing His praises."

" That's very extraordinary," returned the theologian. " A Scythian
family who pray God without having been taught by us! " He soon
engaged Dondindac the Scythian in conversation, for he knew a little
Scythian, and the other a little Greek. The following conversation
was found in a manuscript preserved in the library of
Constantinople.

                                LOGOMACOS:

Let us see if you know your catechism. Why do you pray Cod?

                                DONDINDAC:

Because it is right to worship the Supreme Being from whom we hold
everything.

                                LOGOMACOS:

Not bad for a barbarian! And what do you ask of him?

                                DONDINDAC :

I thank Him for the benefits I enjoy, and even for the ills with
which he tries me; but I take good care not to ask Him for anything;
He knows better than us what we need, and besides, I am afraid to
ask Him for good weather when my neighbour is asking for rain.

                                LOCOMACOS:

Ah! I thought he was going to say something silly. Let us start
again farther back. Barbarian, who has told you there is a God?

                                DONDINDAC:

The whole of nature.

                                LOGOMACOS:

That does not suffice. What idea have you of God?

                                DONDINDAC:

The idea of my creator, of my master, who will reward me if I do
good, and who will punish me if I do ill.

                               LOGOMACOS :

Trash, nonsense all that! Let us come to essentials. Is God infinite
secundum quid, or in essence?

                                DONDINDAC:

I don't understand you.

                                LOGOMACOS:

Brutish fool ! Is God in one place, beyond all places, or in all
places?

                                DONDINDAC:

I have no idea . . . just as you please.

                                LOGOMACOS:

Dolt ! Is it possible for what has been not to have been, and can a
stick not have two ends? Does He see the future as future or as
present? how does He draw the being out of non-existence, and how
annihilate the being?

                                DONDINDAC:

I have never examined these things.

                                LOGOMACOS:

What a blockhead! Come, one must humble oneself, see things in
proportion. Tell me, my friend, do you think that matter can be
eternal?

                                DONDINDAC:

What does it matter to me whether it exists from all eternity or
not? I do not exist from all eternity. God is always my master; He
has given me the notion of justice, I must follow it; I do not want
to be a philosopher, I want to be a man.

                                LOGOMACOS:

These blockheads are troublesome. Let us go step by step. What is
God?

                                DONDINDAC:

My sovereign, my judge, my father.

                                LOGOMACOS:

That's not what I'm asking you. What is His nature?

                                DONDINDAC:

To be potent and good.

                                LOGOMACOS:

But, is He corporeal or spiritual?

                                DONDINDAC:

How should I know?

                                LOGOMACOS:

What! you don't know what a spirit is?

                                DONDINDAC:

Not in the least: of what use would it be to me? should I be more
lust? should I be a better husband, a better father, a better
master, a better citizen ?

                                LOGOMACOS:

It is absolutely essential you should learn what a spirit is. It is,
it is, it is . . . I will tell you another time.

                                DONDINDAC:

I'm very much afraid that you may tell me less what it is than what
it is not. Allow me to put a question to you in my turn. I once saw
one of your temples; why do you depict God with a long beard?

                               LOGOMACOS :

That's a very difficult question which needs preliminary
instruction.

                                DONDINDAC:

Before receiving your instruction, I must tell you what happened to
me one day. I had just built a closet at the end of my garden; I
heard a mole arguing with a cockchafer. " That's a fine building,"
Said the mole. " It must have been a very powerful mole who did that
piece of work." " You're joking," said the cockchafer. " It was a
cock-chafer bubbling over with genius who is the architect of this
building." From that time I resolved never to argue.


... "Be fuckers and multiply...." -- Genesis 1:22 (paraphrased)
* Shy.David@EdenBBS.com
--- Silver Xpress Mail System 5.4H1
 * Origin: "She blinded me with science!" (1:124/9005)