Setting:  Planet VintoVardle VI

Robot:  Warning!  Warning!  Warning!!!  Alien presence detected!!!  
        Warning!!!  Warning!!!  Warning!!!

Data:   I can not comprehend the action you are undertaking.  Why is it
        that you find it necessary to flail your arms thusly (imitates
        the robot).  The auditory warning that you are providing
        should be sufficient to...

Dr. Smith:  Pipe down you Synthetic Simpleton!  Even though he may be
        a bubbleheaded booby, my robot is perfectly capable of...

(A Ferengi commander stands up from behind a rock)
Ferengi: (shouts)  Federation Personnel!  Drop your Weapons!

Dr. Smith:  Oh no...Oh William, we're DOOMED!  Oh the pain...oh the
        pain!!!

Riker:  (grabs Smith) Oh shut up, you coward!  Why I oughta...

Will Robinson:  Excuse me, Sir.  I think he means me.

Ferengi: Enough of this petty human squabbling!  I know you have found
        a Xybeilum Crystal!  (to Smith) Hand it over!  Now!

Dr. Smith (to Ferengi): Excuse me.  Allow me to introduce myself.  I
        am Doctor Zachary Smith.  I know where you would be able to 
        find more of these lovely jewels...for a price.

(sound of an electronic cymbal and a flash of light.  Three people
appear, as if teleported.)

Blake (into wrist): Vila.  down and safe.  (to everyone) Nobody move!
        We've got you covered!

(From off camera):  I wouldn't count on that Blake!  All of you!!  Stay
        right where you are!  Drop all weapons!
(Several be-weaponed dark-suited soldiers appear.  Servalan is among them).

Servalan:  I knew it wouldn't take much to trick you into thinking this
        rock was worth something, Blake.  It was just a matter of
        lying to the right people.

Avon:  I knew this smelled of the Federation.

Riker (confused):  Whatever do you mean, Federation?

Data:  Commander, I believe that he has detected something with his
        olfactory capability that reminds him of the Federation.  I 
        can not determine the source of such emanations.

Servalan: Oh, Blake?  We've found a few more friends of yours 
        wandering about.  Bring them here.

(more guards escort in some new people).

Arthur:  Oh joy.  More prisoners.  So this is it, we're going to die.

Ford:  I wish you'd stop saying that.

Marvin: Well, if all these people are here for my surprise party,
        don't bother.  I predicted it with my brain the size of a 
        planet years ago...

Servalan:  Silence!!!  (to Smith) Now, you!  Give me the Crystal!  

(Smith starts to walk towards Servalan.  Out of the sky a clumsy
looking spaceship appears, and starts to land on the Federation
Forces.  Everyone else runs for cover.  A moon is now in full view in
the sky above the spaceship.  The Federation soldiers are killed.  An
older man exits from the side of the ship and scans the horizon).

Commander Koenig:  Hello Alpha.  This planet is too desolate and
        lifeless.  We can't live here.  Returning to base.

(Koenig enters the ship, which blasts off and leaves.)

Dr. Smith (jumps up with a start):  Oh boy!  (grabs his head, and
        looks for a mirror).  (to you know who) Ok, who am I, and what
        do I have to do this time?  (stares into apparent space).  
        What Crystal?   Oh this one...

(Everyone else emerges from behind rocks, and all survey the
situation.  They notice Smith talking to himself.)

Riker:  Data, Grab him!  

(Riker, Data, the Ferengi, and Avon all run towards Smith.  'Smith'
sees this, and starts to run.  He doesn't get far before he trips.
The Crystal flies out of his hands and collides with a rock.  There is
a flash as the Crystal explodes.)

Dr. Smith:  Oh!  Oh!  My back.  The Pain.  William, help me up!  My
        back!  Help me up!  

Ferengi:  We will meet again, HUMAN!  (teleports away).

John Robinson:  Will!  Will!  Doctor Smith!!!

(John Robinson and Don West appear from behind other rocks, carrying
lasers). 

Will Robinson:  Dad!  Over here!!!  (Runs to Smith, and helps him up).

Don West:  Oh, it was Smith!  (To Smith) I'm gonna Wring your neck!

Riker:  No, me first!

Don West:  Look, I got first dibs.

(more Arguing. Avon joins in)

Fade to Black.

CREDITS and Music (8 bars each of TNG, Lost In Space, Blake's Seven,
Hitchhiker's, Quantum Leap, and Space: 1999)....