PICARD (VO) : Captain's Log, Stardate 45781.3. The ship has bid a fond
farewell to Ensign Wesley Crusher as he enters Starfleet Academy. The
entire crew wishes him success in school as well as life.

[Scene: the bridge. Everyone but RIKER is there.]

PICARD: Well, it's official! The little shit is gone!

Everyone: HIP HIP HOORAY!

PICARD: Bridge to Guinan. I want a humungous party tonight, with all
of the drinking, dancing, fornicating, and all of the other things
that we haven't done for the last three years because there was a
minor in the officer's corps!

[RIKER enters]

RIKER: The bridge smells nice! Wesley must be gone!

PICARD: Number One! Have you heard anything about Wesley's
replacement? 

RIKER: As a matter of fact, I have! He's just beamed aboard and he's
on his way to the bridge.

[As if on cue, a turbolift opens to reveal the newcomer]

PICARD: Welcome aboard, Ensign! May I have your name?

BART: I'm Ensign Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

PICARD: I'm your captain, and you will not speak to me in that manner!

BART: Don't have a cow, man. WHOA! Bitchin' environs! All these
blinkin' lights and everything! [notices TROI] Not a bad set of
nacelles, either! 

WORF: He--he is even more annoying than Wesley!

BART: Awesome! Godzilla manning the weapons!

WORF: Why you little--! [leaps for BART]

BART: Ay caramba!

[WORF grabs BART by the neck causing his eyes to cross and his tongue
to stick out. Then they go at it, raising a large cloud of dust on the
floor.]

PICARD [looks at RIKER] : 10-Forward?

RIKER: 10-Forward. [they leave]

TROI: Stop this! Both of you! Maybe if I read Bart's emotions, I'll
better understand how to stop him.

[TROI concentrates, then grins stupidly and collapses, drooling and
dweebing her lips.]

TROI: Bweebweebweebweebweeb!

Will either Worf or Bart survive the battle? How will the Enterprise
run with both its captain and first officer sloshed? Will the Simpsons
beat the Cosby Show in the ratings?

For the answer to these and other important questions, read the next
part of this parody, which will be written as soon as hell freezes
over.