(To the tune of "Hello hello")

LaForge . . .
LaForge, LaForge!
I don't know why you see UV,
I see LaForge!


(To the tune of "Feeling Groovy")

Calm down, you shouldn't scoff it,
We gotta make a little prof-it!
Just, buyin' cheap and sellin' 'Gazer,
Don't call us flatheads, we're Ferengi!...

"Ruthless and greedy," that's our credo,
Subtle as a photon tor-pe-do!
All our money goes to pay for
Our orthodonture, we're Ferengi!...


(To the tune of "Windy")

Who walks through all the hallways unnoticed?
He spots the problem, they say "Shut up!"
And when he's right, they don't say "We're sorry"?
Ev'ryone knows it's Wesley!

Who's on the bridge with no one's permission?
Starfleet's in danger, he's got the key!
When he's in trouble, Mommy protects him!
Ev'ryone knows it's Wesley!


(To the tune of "Jack and Diane")

A little ditty, about Riker and Troi,
The writers tried to recycle the same old ploy.
In "The Motion Picture," the scheme didn't quite work . . .
So, once more, Empath Meets Young Captain Kirk!
Oh yeah, love goes on,
Long after Decker and Ilia are gone!

A little ditty, about Riker and Troi,
A useless Betazed girl and a lookalike boy.
Riker says "Yes sir," and primps his mane;
Troi just says "Captain, I feel anger and pain!"
Oh yeah, love goes on,
Long after the thrill of the characters is gone!


(To the tune of "Charlie Brown")

She walks on the bridge, her phaser's out,
Too bad she doesn't do much more than pout!
That's Tasha Yar! Tasha Yar!
She's a star, that Tasha Yar!
She's gonna get lines, just you wait and see!
"Why's everybody just ignoring me?"

She's cool and she's calm, but "at the drop of a hat"--
She's somewhere private and she's got Data flat!
That's Tasha Yar! Tasha Yar!
She goes far, that Tasha Yar!
She's gonna leave the show, just you wait and see!
"Why's everybody always ogling me?"


(To the tune of "My Eyes Adored You")

My eyes abhorred you . . .
Since I couldn't lay a hand on you, my eyes abhorred you . . .
Like a million miles away, (but that's not even half a day at Warp Two!) . . .
So close . . . so close and yet so far!

Beating up aliens, everybody thinks "Oh, Worf's just a thug,"
I work with gorgeous trainees, and their presence is a drug!
But if we were just to touch, (I admit that it would mean so much,)
I'd give her one kiss, we would both know bliss,
And she'd end up with a crutch!

My eyes abhorred you . . .
Since I couldn't lay a hand on you, my eyes abhorred you . . .
I'd've broken every bone that's in your body if I'd even scored you . . .
So close . . . it's like Klingon "ponn farr!"