Holy War For Cash
Fredric Rice

"What are  we  going  to  do, brother Igno?  Our membership is already
down 23 percent and so our revenus are also down.  The  recession  has
hit us  rather  hard  further adding to our decrease in income.  If we
release this information, they'll all _know_ we've been lying to them.
We'll starve!"

"Take it easy, brother Rant, take it easy!  We'll  figure  _something_
out."

"But what are we to do about our failing membership!?"

"We've got  to  inject more fear into peoples lives!  We've got to lie
to them like we've never lied to them before.  We're going to have  to
start  demanding  more  money  from  them,  saying we need it to fight
abortion, Satan, and everything else we can think of all  the  way  to
fighting bad  breath,  if  we  can.   Don't worry, Brother Rant, we'll
survive.  We always have so long as there  are  the  mindless  robotic
ignorant willing  to  serve  us and give us their hard-earned pay.  We
need to subvert their reasoning abilities, subvert their  governments.
Teach them how to stop thinking and obey what we say."

******  Then, at the gathering of religious in Turkey this last month,
to discuss the "religious problems in new Eastern nations. *******

"OK. Pipe down, everyone.  Let's get started." <russle  of  papers,  a
tap  on  the  microphone  to make sure it's working> "OK. First on the
agenda is how to divide the profits from the newly opened  up  Russian
nations.   Anyone  got  any  ideas  on  how  we can do this fairly and
profitable for all?  We got all of Germany to divide up too now, don't
forget."

Mormon steps up: "We want it _ALL_!" <shouts of anger  on  the  floor>
"We get  our share!" "Moronic bastards!" "Give me that!  That's Mine!"
"Put down  the  gun!"  "I'll  kill  you  infidels!"  "We're  the  True
Christians!" <fighting  starts  and many are killed.  Three holy wars,
each with God on their side starts>

Brother Igno and Rant step up to the microphone. "OK, brothers,  we've
all  agreed  to throw the Mormon gang out and decided not to give them
any of the cut for Eastern Germany.  How  say  we  all?"  <AYE!>  "The
motion is  passed.    Brother  Hitler, show the Moronic bastards out."
<shuffle! struggle> "You can't do this to us!  We'll start a holy war!
God is on _our_ side!"

"Can it, asshole, we don't believe in that shit."
