(255)   Thu 19 Dec 96  8:27
By: Richard Smith
Re: Legal Christmas.

 THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, LEGALLY SPEAKING

 Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did
 occur at a certain improved piece of real property
 (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all
 creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

 A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had
 been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the
 hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/
 Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
 thereafter.

 The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned
 House were located in their individual beds and were engaged
 in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of
 confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies,
 nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise
 appear in said dreams.

 Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
 referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of
 the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter
 "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period
 of sleep.  (At such time, the parties were clad in various
 forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)

 Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did
 occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and
 appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption
 of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance.  The party of
 the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House
 to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

 At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with
 some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh
 (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very
 rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer.
 The driver of the Vehivle appeared to be and in fact was, the
 previously referenced Claus.

 Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
 guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and
 specifically indentified the animal co-conspirators by name:
 Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
 Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer").  (Upon information and
 belief, it is further asserted that an additional
 co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

 The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and
 the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs
 of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity
 of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden
 with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
 nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission,
 either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House,
 and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

 Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially
 covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large
 sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages,
 toys, and other unknown items.  He was smoking what appeared
 to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local
 ordinances and health regulations.

 Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
 stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
 chimney, with toys and other small gifts.  (Said items did
 not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to
 the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

 Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his
 nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the
 House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or
 served as "lookouts."  Claus immediately departed for an
 unknown destination.

 However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and
 Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear
 Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to
 all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

                                 Respectfully Submitted, s./
                                             The Grinch
--- timEd 1.01
 * Origin: Syr Undry BBS  ):>  Bendigaid  };>  (916) 922-9046 (1:203/9046)

