      There once was a fellow named Ted,
      Whose postings were best left unread.
      The problem, you see,
      Just between you and me,
      Is that HTE mewlings are brain dead.


Astronomer Joke:

   [Two scientists at a conference.]

Scientist #1:  Who is this guy? [Points to the speaker.]
Scientist #2:  I don't know, but he must be an astronomer.
Scientist #1:  How can you tell?
Scientist #2:  He has error bars on his exponents.

   [Ted, since it is obvious you know nothing about math, science, or
    astronomy, would you like me to explain this joke to you?]


Catastrophist Jokes:

   [I'll let Tedster explain these, for any newcomers interested.]


Q:  Why did Velikovsky stuff Ding-Dongs (tm) in the gas tank of his car?
A:  Hydrocarbons--carbohydrates.  What's the difference?


Brinkman:  So Ted, what you planning to do tonight?
Holden:          I'm going to watch a great documentary on TV.
Brinkman:  Really?  What is it?
Holden:          Dr. Doolittle.


Velikovsky: What's 2,000 years old has four wheels and flies?
Ginenthal:  I don't know, what?
Velikovsky: An ancient Roman garbage wagon.  What's 4,000 years old
          has four wheels and flies?
Ginenthal:  An ancient Sumerian garbage wagon?!?
Velokovsky: No, nothing!  Everyone knows there were no flies 4,000 years
          ago.


Holden:  What's the difference between a cat and a pony?
Rose:    I give up.
Holden:  Cats can gallop, but ponies can't.


Q:  Why did Velikovsky eat vaseline?
A:  Hydrocarbons-carbohydrates.  What's the difference?


Overheard at the offices of _Aeon_...

       "A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
      And no one can talk to a horse, of course.
      That is, of course, unless the horse,
      Is Antedeluvian."


Q:  How could Lynn Rose make a 29-bumper shot in pool?
A:  Because of the reduced effect of felt.

--
Matt Brinkman
brinkman@edseq1.llnl.gov

Disclaimer:   Yes, I realize these aren't humorous, but at least my
              jokes are original and deal with the subject at hand.
             (As opposed to, say, taking a bunch of redneck jokes and
              substituting the word astronomer for redneck.)  If you
              truly want Castastrophist comedy, read any of Velikovsky's
              scientific stuff, or anything by Ginenthal.

=====================================================
From:    C Frog
To:      All                                    Msg #176, Jun-09-93 10:13PM
Subject: Re: Old astronomer jokes (for newcomers)

Organization: /usr/lib/news/organizatoin
From: amorgan@csd-d-3.Stanford.EDU (C Frog)
Message-ID: <1993Jun10.061337.8529@csd-newshost.stanford.edu>
Newsgroups: talk.origins

In article <1153@fedfil.UUCP> news@fedfil.UUCP (news) writes:

>Favorite astronomer jokes (for newcomers):

Way cunning jokes with "lawyer" hastily crossed out and "astronomer"
put in its place deleted.....

HAH!  Two can play at this game!

Q: What is the difference between Ted Holden dead in the road and a skunk
   dead in the road?
A: Skid marks before the skunk

Q: How many Holdenists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None.  If they wait long enough a planet will be ejected from
    Jupiter and head towards Earth.  It will then:
    a) Drop sufficient hydrocarbons (or is it carbohydrates?) that
       will burn and make the light unneccessary.
    b) Reduce gravity so that all the light that has soaked into the
       ground will gush out and make all things bright and pretty.
    c) Spin the Earth around which will have the effect of unscrewing
       the bulb.  The increased radiation will then cause them to
       mutate so that they can see in the dark.
A2: None.  Even if they get the bulb on, they'll never see the light.

Q: What is the difference between a brontosaurus and Ted Holden?
A: 30lbs and 60 points of IQ.

Q: How do you equalize the two?
A: Put Ted on a diet and give the dinosaur a lobotomy.

>Ted Holden

I kill me, I really do.

C Frog

