(1681) Tue 18 Mar 97 20:11 By: Rod Swift To: All Re: How to Stop Tugging! 1/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- @EID:d6c2 2272a160 @MSGID: 3:690/660.0 332e868a The famous Mormon edict on Masturbation... On 12 July 1993, I posted this message to both alt.sex.mormons and Region 55 Controv... The comments of mine are in brackets. This is the legendary Mormon edict on how to "get a sandwich" if one gets the urge to toss, or tie up your children a la bondage, or to keep a wank diary. Enjoy!!! And remember, if you say "masturbation" as Dr Jocelyn Elders does, you will laugh! Rod "...see, Steve, the Mormons are fools!" Swift :) ___------------------------------------------------------------------ - ** This thread has moved from alt.sex.mormons to R55_Controv ** ** Quoting rod@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au to Rod Swift [08-07-93 04:44] ** ** on the topic of "Mormons *sigh*" ** [Rod's comments are in BRACKETS like these, throughout the message. Thank you all! This message was posted because some people requested it for a good laugh, and a snicker at a really warped religion!] ___------------------------------------------------------------------ - CROSSPOSTED FROM: alt.sex.mormons A friend a mine who had been a Mormon missionary came across this guide," circa 1970, on tattered photocopy. In fact, the pages were stuck together. Anyway, we were so amused by it (esp. "Suggestion 19"), I thought it deserved a wider audience. ___------cut here--------- STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION by Mark E. Petersen Council of the 12 Apostles Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so. This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once. But it must be more than a hope or a whish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you. After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines: A Guide to Self-Control: 1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes. [Damn! No more fun except in the toilet! - RS] 2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company. [So mormons are into mutual masturbation? - RS] 3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. [Wow. You can't even have friends and enjoy quitting together! - RS] 4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present. [Damn, this sounds like something Rev. Fred would say! - RS] 5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you. [Wow, I think a straight jacket should be sufficient to stop any mormon wanting to have a good tug. Maybe they like being tied up! - RS] 6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak. [So we all know what to think when we see a fat mormon, don't we people! Anyway, it's more fun to tug with a chicken sandwich in your mouth, or even one hand! - RS] 7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act. [Now that is just not fair. Nothing like a good arousing piece of tittilation! - RS] 8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities. [You know, I'd rather be tugging and screaming "Oh, God" while I shoot a load than read the bible! - RS] >>> Continued to next message * OLX 2.1 TD * Accept Jesus as my Saviour? Why, that'd be selfish! --- Maximus 2.02 * Origin: The Perth Omen (3:690/660) SEEN-BY: 12/12 24/888 102/2 943 106/2000 109/7 112/101 114/262 271 124/1 SEEN-BY: 124/1208 2342 5125 8001 9000 9005 130/1 1008 133/2 140/3 143/1 SEEN-BY: 147/34 2021 167/166 170/400 202/777 1207 213/213 218/890 907 SEEN-BY: 270/101 275/429 280/1 169 282/1 62 283/120 284/29 290/14 300/603 SEEN-BY: 310/666 322/739 323/107 324/278 343/600 346/250 352/3 356/18 369/32 SEEN-BY: 371/42 377/86 380/64 381/900 382/92 388/1 396/1 2 690/660 730/2 SEEN-BY: 732/10 2401/0 2442/0 3603/420 3606/10 3612/41 3615/50 3619/25 SEEN-BY: 3632/21 3651/9 3652/1 3667/1 @PATH: 690/660 396/1 124/1 9005 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- (1682) Tue 18 Mar 97 20:11 By: Rod Swift To: All Re: How to Stop Tugging! 2/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- @EID:26c2 2272a160 @MSGID: 3:690/660.0 332e868c >>> Continued from previous message 9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind! [The following paragraphs were posted as is. There are words and lines missing from the obvious poor quality original from which it was typed.] The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect [sic] on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it. We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan. This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offer ins. To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a brief explanation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function. The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions of reproductive cells call _spermatozoa_. These are moved up a tube called the _vas deferens_ to a place called the _ampulla_ where they are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches called _seminal vesicles_ and the _prostate gland_. The resultant fluid is calle seminal vesicles are full a signals to the _central nervous system_ indicating they are ready to be nother, depending on such things as exercise, state of health, etc. several times a week, for others It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night duri se the emptying come from the cetral nervous system. Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is a part of this normal process. Instead ourse, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to keep up with the loss of semen. When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce ahis increased rate, for an indefese are not harmful and are to be endured until the normal central nervous system pathway of rel During this period of control several things can be done to make the pr As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of t Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated. Suggestions: 1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out lout when the temptations are the strongest. [So you know what to expect when you see a mormon praying, don't you? - RS] 2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing. [So THAT is why they ride bicycles everywhere. They are all perverts! - RS] 3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell _STOP_ to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge. [Nah. Singing a hymn is just not as much fun as having a good wank! - RS] 4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation. [Wow, it must make you think why the mormons fear a good ol' wank, eh? - RS] 5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations. [Certainly, the deprivation of a good tug would change your self-image to one of a guilt ridden sinner. Good on ya mormons! - RS] 6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents. [Wow, why not just allow them to be toss off, and improve that talent? - RS] 7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as _How to Win Friends and Influence People_ by Dale Carnegie. [I'd be tempted to say that James Shotter has a copy of this book, but I don't think he's following the mormon's advice to stop tugging his appendage. - RS] >>> Continued to next message * OLX 2.1 TD * Accept Jesus as my Saviour? Why, that'd be selfish! --- Maximus 2.02 * Origin: The Perth Omen (3:690/660) SEEN-BY: 12/12 24/888 102/2 943 106/2000 109/7 112/101 114/262 271 124/1 SEEN-BY: 124/1208 2342 5125 8001 9000 9005 130/1 1008 133/2 140/3 143/1 SEEN-BY: 147/34 2021 167/166 170/400 202/777 1207 213/213 218/890 907 SEEN-BY: 270/101 275/429 280/1 169 282/1 62 283/120 284/29 290/14 300/603 SEEN-BY: 310/666 322/739 323/107 324/278 343/600 346/250 352/3 356/18 369/32 SEEN-BY: 371/42 377/86 380/64 381/900 382/92 388/1 396/1 2 690/660 730/2 SEEN-BY: 732/10 2401/0 2442/0 3603/420 3606/10 3612/41 3615/50 3619/25 SEEN-BY: 3632/21 3651/9 3652/1 3667/1 @PATH: 690/660 396/1 124/1 9005 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- (1683) Tue 18 Mar 97 20:11 By: Rod Swift To: All Re: How to Stop Tugging! 3/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- @EID:b6c3 2272a160 @MSGID: 3:690/660.0 332e868e >>> Continued from previous message 8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc. 9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have _no black days_. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months. [Ahhh. This is the best one so far. When the mormons next call on your residence, ask to see their wank diary! - RS] 10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities. 11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called _aversion therapy_. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act. [Whoa! Kink with worms! And I thought the mormons were a bunch of prudes! You'd think they'd go for better forms of aversion therapy, like electrodes attached to testes, etc, etc. - RS] 12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers. [I totally agree with this. It's so much better to have the family and friends as an audience to your self gratification! - RS] 13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity. [I thought a good ol' tug was an enthusiastic activity. And you can do it outta bed anyway! - RS] 14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring. [Shit! The mormons even think drinking water causes you to tug! Next thing they will ask is to stop breathing! - RS] 15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night. [Now they say salt, and a variety of additives, causes people to toss off at will! Hand me that salt shaker baby! Wheeee! - RS] 16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding. [I'd prefer the ones that bind, thanks very much! - RS] 17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement. [Oh, they mean don't live. I am sure of it! - RS] 18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases. [Some sort of masturbatory aid would come in much much handier in these situations, and be so much much more fun! Don't you think! - RS] 19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep. [Wow. Just love all that bondage stuff, eh? These mormons have this thing about wanking, but not about the kinky stuff! - RS] 20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress. [Possibly spend it on the deluxe "SuperVibroSuckMachine" from any of those shops of ill repute in Perth. *grin* - RS] 21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. _Satan Never Gives Up_. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment. [Whoa, so satan is the ruler of darkness and wanking now??? That should be interesting news to him! - RS] ___------------------------------------------------------------------ - * OLX 2.1 TD * Accept Jesus as my Saviour? Why, that'd be selfish! --- Maximus 2.02 * Origin: The Perth Omen (3:690/660) SEEN-BY: 12/12 24/888 102/2 943 106/2000 109/7 112/101 114/262 271 124/1 SEEN-BY: 124/1208 2342 5125 8001 9000 9005 130/1 1008 133/2 140/3 143/1 SEEN-BY: 147/34 2021 167/166 170/400 202/777 1207 213/213 218/890 907 SEEN-BY: 270/101 275/429 280/1 169 282/1 62 283/120 284/29 290/14 300/603 SEEN-BY: 310/666 322/739 323/107 324/278 343/600 346/250 352/3 356/18 369/32 SEEN-BY: 371/42 377/86 380/64 381/900 382/92 388/1 396/1 2 690/660 730/2 SEEN-BY: 732/10 2401/0 2442/0 3603/420 3606/10 3612/41 3615/50 3619/25 SEEN-BY: 3632/21 3651/9 3652/1 3667/1 @PATH: 690/660 396/1 124/1 9005