From: owner-humor
To: Multiple recipients of list HUMOR
Subject: Church Signs, mild.
Date: Saturday, April 09, 1994 6:12PM

These are actual announcements taken from church bulletins around the
country:

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the
  church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.

* Tues y at 4PM, there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies giving
  milk, please come early.

* Wednesday, the ladies Auxiliary Society will meet.  Mrs. Johnson will
  sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed", accompanied by the pastor.

* Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club.  All
  those wishing to become little mothers please meet the minister
  in his study.

* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay
  an egg on the altar.

* On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of the
  new carpet.  All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, come
  forward and get a piece of paper.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may
  be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

* A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement.  Music
  will follow.

* Sign outside a Canadian church:  "Sermon for Sunday: What is Hell like?"
  Just below was the message: "Come in and hear our choir sing."

