From: owner-humor
To: Multiple recipients of list HUMOR
Subject: Fegg!: Cookery <sick humor>
Date: Friday, April 08, 1994 11:44AM

From _Dr. Fegg's Encyclopedia of *All* World Knowledge_
1974: Terry Jones & Michael Palin
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

=== Article: Cookery ===

You can cook almost anything, but it's usually
best to concentrate on food. To do this you need to buy a cookery book.
We suggest _The Art of Cookery Made So Simple Even A Cross-Eyed Jerk
With The Brains of A Stunned Bat Could Do It_ by Dr. Fegg-- only $42
(plus $13 to cover inflation and $11 well all right make it $56 for post
and packing oh! and $8 for something else I've just thought of).

SUET & SUET
-----------
64 lbs suet          All available
24 lbs suet          world stocks
more suet            of suet
31 lbs suet

Chop 6lbs of suet into slices. Fry, adding rolled suet, and stir. Mix
the rest of the suet into a thick suet paste. Pour the fried suet onto
the suet paste base, and cook for twelve days. Serve topped with suet or
with a suet sauce. (It doesn't really matter, no one will eat it
anyway.)

LEMON & MERINGUE BASTARD
------------------------
2 lemons             flour
3 eggs               water
milk

Simply put the ingredients in a bowl, and throw it at the cat.

OXYGEN TART
-----------
Ingredients: Pastry

Roll the pastry, make into a base, and top with nothing at all. For
special occasions, walnuts may be added, turning it into oxygen and
walnut tart.

FISH RHUBARB
------------
Strangely enough, despite its imaginative name, there is no fish in this
recipe-- or rhubarb. It is simply a big slab of rock-hard,
six-month-old-pizza, left out over night to soften and eaten straight
off the ground first thing in the morning. The colourful name comes from
the smell and texture of the dish when it comes up again.

THIRD WORLD WAR PIZZA
---------------------
This is the same pizza as in the Fish and Rhubarb recipe re-eaten.

AMPHIBIAN RELISH
----------------
Heavy syrup          Brown paper
String               1 toad (live)
Flour paste

Cover the toad in syrup and flour paste to slow it down, parcel up, and
serve tied securely onto the plate. Eat quickly. (It isn't very nice.)

