                                                                           Zerro Seven!


Even now, at the very moment this is written, there are many who wonder why.
The writer is among these bewildered souls.  A possible reason is that there
was an empty screen here, and something had to be written to fill it, so here
we are, doing seven of these Zerro things.  

Important Notice: The "Ladies Keep Fit" class is being cancelled upon the news
that the conductress of this course is seriously ill.  Thus, the class is now
postponed until the tutor fully recovers and is able to conduct the class. In
addition to the tutor, there are many who attribute their present condition to
the very existence of this class.  

Please check and see if your County Council has plans for a Nuclear Disaster.
If they do, why?  If they don't, why?  This question has all the ingredients 
to become a very explosive issue.  (First cheapie this installment, sorry, 
terribly, about this!)

A Legitimate Item - From the Alumnus, University of Michigan: Jamie Quackenbush,
is the former pet bereavement counselor for the University of Pennsylvania
Center for the Interaction of Animals and Society.  - When your parakeet dies,
well, what is a person to say?  Ask Jamie!

As children, we often hear stories which start "Once upon a time." This is in
preparation for later life, when, during election years we hear, "When I am 
elected."

It has now come time to tell the truth.  The last national Democratic ticket
was the bland leading the bland to bland blandness.  In moments of extreme
passion, Michael Dukakis rose to the level of a limp washcloth.

Two men were out fishing.  They noticed a squirrel go out on a downed limb,
to retrieve a nut sitting at the very end of the limb.  As the squirrel got to
the end of the limb, a giant catfish jumped from the water and the squirrel 
disappeared.  The men could hardly believe what they had seen.  While they 
were still watching, the fish appeared again, and put a new nut on the end
of the limb!  

Rules for Diet:
     1.  If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
     2.  If you drink a diet soda and a candy bar, these two items will 
               automatically cancel each other out.
     3.  Calories don't count if you eat with someone and you both eat the
               same amount of the same thing.
     4.  Food which is consumed for medicinal purposes only does not count.
               This includes potatoes, doughnuts, cakes, chocolates and most forms
          of liquor.
     5.  If everyone around you gets a little fatter, you will automatically
               seem to appear thinner.

A State Trooper caught a speeder in Tuochumsiah.  However, the State Trooper
could not spell Tuochumsiah properly, so he had to let the speeder go. He 
followed the man and caught him in Ida!

In California, if you are not seeing a psychiatrist, people think you are crazy.

What is a Boss? A boss is one who can tell a very old stale joke and everyone
laughs.

T.V. Evangelism is successful because it has sects appeal!

When you get to be the age of George Burns, it is unwise to buy green bananas!

And He Said:
     Winning doesn't matter much to me. I just like playing golf.
     I respect your opinion, although it differs from mine considerably.
     You don't need to bring the boat closer, I can jump from here.
     It was driven by a little old lady to and from church.
     We do not need to guarantee our product, it never fails.
     With this camera, you can't make a serious mistake.
     Practically everything in the car is under warranty.
     I trust any elected official to do their job properly.
     One application of this wax should last at least a year, if not longer.
     There really are no exclusions in this policy, it covers everything.
     It will work better if you remove the safety device.
     Read my lips. No new taxes.
     It will be shipped tomorrow and you will receive it within five days.
     The check for that item is in the mail.
     This offer is for a limited time only, so you must hurry.
     It is a wonderful home in a crime free neighborhood at a ridiculous price.
     If you have any problem with it, just let us know.
     This IRS payment will just have to wait...
     There is no way anything could go wrong with it, it has been checked.
     It comes with an unconditional guarantee.
     We have never had any complaints about this product in the history of it.
     This is a maintenance free product and requires no work to keep it going.
     This mechanism has always been trouble free.
     Product requires minimal assembly which can be done with a screwdriver.
     Who cares who wins, it's the way you play the game that counts.
     When the current stock is sold, it will not be reordered, so buy it now.
     This product is not available in any store at any price.
     The weather forecast says sunshine, so leave the boots and rainwear home.
     There is a minimal service charge for each call.
     The superintendent will be there shortly to correct the problem.
     The home office is in Kyoto, but you will never need to call them there.
     Because of high demand, allow three to six months for delivery.
     Our service truck is on the way to your home at this very time.
     We have never even heard of any malfunction of this item before.
     Our simple assembly instructions make it almost impossible to fail.
     It is absolutely water proof and has never been known to leak.
     In the event of minor difficulty, consult the manual for detailed help.
     At this price, you can't afford not to buy it.
     In this instance, reconditioned means as good as new.
     A friendly consultant is available night or day, as close as your phone.
     We are sure that the sub-assembly will be in with the next shipment.
     It was sold to you "as is," and that means we can do nothing with it.
     Our generous cash refund policy does not apply to that item.

Talk about nightmares! Imagine being Salman Pshdie's insurance man.

It could have happened.  John Tower could have been the Defense Sec. and a
girl named Dixie could have been named to the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Casey Stengel: "All right, you guys, line up alphabetically, according to
your height."

Casey again: "You put a left handed batter up against a right handed pitcher
and a right handed pitcher up against a left handed batter and on cloudy days
you put up a fast pitcher and on warm days a slow pitcher."

The Bride said, "I'm going home to Mother!" The Groom responded, "Good, I'll
join you and we can both get a decent meal."

While it is true that you are free to say what you think in this great land,
it should be said that it is helpful to think what you are going to say before
you do it.

The most convincing evidence we have for tolerance is something called the
Golden Wedding Anniversary.

Vice President Dan Quayle is parking in handicapped spaces in Washington, and
has not yet been arrested or given a ticket!

Some folks would fret themselves to death if they had nothing to worry about.

The most common form of illegal gambling is crossing the street in the middle
of the block.

Soon enough it will come to pass that you will be able to take a vacation to
Mars, and soon enough it will come to pass that you will be able to discover
that your luggage has gone to Pluto.

A good indication of the worth of much of the current music is that none of it
is worth singing in the shower.

Now that long distance calls have replaced writing home for money on the part 
of most collegians, we are deprived of literary efforts toward greatness.

Free speech is far more valuable than cheap talk.

One of the finest tests of indestructibility of an army tank would be to put
it on as baggage on an airline flight.  If it comes out of this without being
destroyed, it is worth buying.  

While everyone can't be rich, wise and handsome, two out of three isn't bad.

Yes, you are getting older if no one has recently tried to talk you either out
of or into something. 

A good number of people race trains to the railroad crossing to avoid the 
wait.  However, in case of a tie, you lose.

Money talks, but it is not obliged to tell the truth.

If they can now make a whistle only a dog can hear, how come they can't make
music only a teenager can hear?

Adam to Eve: "Do you still love me?" Eve to Adam: "Who else?"
(Original Joke involves same folks as Original Sin!)

Pelicans have switched from sardines to herring.  The reason is obvious.
The smaller fish just didn't fill the bill!  (Oh, I am sorry, really!)

One of the top songs of the year certainly should be dedicated to our Savings
and Loan institutions - "Don't Worry, Be Happy!"

I was out rowing in the lake the other day and when I came in, I noted that my
name was spray painted several places on the pier.  Now, I've finally done it,
achieved recognition from my piers!  (Oh, well, sorry about this one too!)

Things are not going well with me. There is a brain-drain in my home town
that has been going on for some time now and is rather thorough.  I wanted to
stay around, but was asked to leave by the rest of the permanent residents who
felt I was too dumb!

If you are called upon to give a talk in public, there is a way to make sure it
will be a success.  Have a good beginning and an excellent ending, and keep the
two as close together as possible.  

The seafood in any restaurant is always fresh, even in Nebraska, if you ask
before your order it.

You really can't believe anyone but yourself, and don't push that too far!

Like many people, one of my secret suspicions is that permanent press isn't
really.

Never try to put on your pullover sweater if you are chewing bubble gum.

The less known about a really attractive opportunity, the more it is what is
says it is.

If you don't need it, you will have in on file, and if you need it, the file
will be lost, or you don't have it.  The more urgent the need, the less 
likely you will be to find the needed response.  

Return on investments seldom does!  The government owns all the detour signs.

Never try to adjust your clothing in a crowded elevator.

Many of today's students think of themselves as having accomplished reading
skills, if they can read through the TV listings for the evening.

No matter how friendly you would like to be, it is not a good idea to shake
hands with the mechanic, just after he comes from under the car.

It is not wise to express friendship at an auction by waving at your friends.
Costly it is, wise, it isn't..

You know that times are not easy when your basic economy car comes at a base
price of over $ l0,000.00.  

The volume of the bark of a dog, times the frequency at which the dog barks,
is inversely proportional to the IQ of the owner of the dog.

Most people fear the Republicans because they don't seem able to solve the
problems.  Most people fear the Democrats because they do seem able to solve
problems, but it always costs a lot more money than anyone was willing to 
admit.

As a grown person, you should know better than to go around advising people.

The most recent news is that zucchini growers have been able to produce more
zucchini than makers of recipes have been able to make recipes.  

Always strive to become the boss on your job.  Otherwise, they may give this
position to some other dumbbell.  

At all banquets and public functions involving food and talk, an expert is
employed to place the microphone too low for tall people, too high for short
people and just enough distance from where the speaker will be so that a good
solid hum will occur.  A real expert can increase this hum just as the main
speaker begins his or her address.  Immediate adjustments will be made and
the speaker will be unable to be heard and everyone will go home unhappy, 
but not nearly as unhappy as they would be if they had heard what the main
speaker really had to say!

Don't ever forget to remember that double negatives are a no no and you don't 
never use them.

In a health club, if only one locker is occupied, it will be the one just
above yours.  

When you have a lot of things to do, first things first, get your nap out of
the way before all else.

You are reaching maturity when the morning after is too high a price to pay for
the night before.

If you don't have the cash, you won't have the check, and even if you do have
the check, you won't have the ID, and even if you do, they won't take it.  

Only when you are alone does the house make those strange noises, which is why
no one else has ever heard them.  

Never kiss a lady on the hand, especially just after her return from one of 
those self-service gas stations.

Drinking and driving do not mix.  Besides, even when you are just sitting in
the car, the gasoline tastes terrible.

It is not the person who fouled up and was found guilty that will be remembered.
It is the person who warned about the difficulty that will.

You will never know until you have found out, and when you do find out, you may
well wish you had not known.  

Generally, people will be more forcefully in opposition to the fluoridation of the
water, if they have false teeth.

You spend the first half of your life wondering if people will purchase the
services you have to offer.  The second part of your life is spent wondering
if those who purchased the services you offered will ever get around to paying
for what they purchased.  

Just because it has worked well for others is no sign it will work well for you.

Never look up a word you can't spell and never spell a word you can't look up.

On very rare occasions when chance overcomes all other considerations by
sheer accident, statistics may actually prove the truth.

Never pass a bathroom and you'll always be glad you didn't.

Let a smile be your umbrella, but take along a raincoat just in case.

Good news seldom if ever arrives by registered mail.

Never blame on malice what can be easily explained by stupidity.

It is expensive living on this earth today, but it includes a free trip around
the sun.

There is never a day so bad that tomorrow couldn't be worse.

Any time an agency hires a person to resolve complaints, that person will have
no power whatsoever to deal with the nature of your problem with the agency
in question.

Mother's Day is not celebrated properly on the correct date. It should be
properly celebrated, on the first day of school.

Clothing Purchase Rules:

If it feels good, it is downright ugly.
If it looks good on you, it hurts to wear it.
If it is on sale, they don't have your size.
If it is absolutely awful, they have it, in your size, on sale.
If it is worse than this, you get two for the price of one.

There is really no need for soap operas.  Each of us leads a life of our own,
the pace is a bit slower and the dialogue a little less certain, but the dirt
is there.

Long term policy usually isn't.

To anyone named Bo-Peep, Tiger, Gator, Moose, Horse or Flower, give a very
wide birth, even if this is just a nickname.

One of the more fragile things in life is the unbreakable guarantee.

Trouble is most often expansive and expensive.

Never, under any circumstances, say "Never."

The need lessens considerably if everyone else in the doctor's office has
already had their flu shot.

One thing to be said about Packard Automobiles, none of them were recalled!

It has been noticed that coin laundries often attract people who appear to
have made a life time profession of not using soap.  

If you have ever cheated in solitaire, I don't really want to know you.

What did people do, before the time of remote control on the TV set?

No sport requires more strategy than the mile run.

I would much prefer antiques if they were not so darned old.

Them folks what grows cacti in the indoors is a little off the center too much.


****
You have just treated yourself, or perhaps fulfilled a prescription by a very
strange psychiatrist, to the seventh installment of this Zerro thing.  Watch
for Zerro!  It will keep popping up where you least expect it.  If this is 
your first time to contact Zerro, you have missed six wonderful opportunities
to administer self-affliction in a bizarre manner.  You can copy Zerro where 
you like, of course, but keep the installment numbers separate, so that we
don't get confused.  

Zerro comes in installments, since most people could not tolerate too much of
this type of thing all at one time.  Lots of folks can't even tolerate one
installment.  If you are one of these, close one eye when reading, so that 
you get just half the effect.  Good material is hard to get, so if you have
some, send it to:
                                                  Resident Idiot, Scribe Zerro
                                                  P.O. Box 38
                                                  Buffalo, Illinois  625l5

By doing this, you will contribute to the downfall of uplift and satisfy the
bewildered with confusion.  You might even confuse the satisfied.  You can
always say that you did it without knowing what it is that you did.  

END - Zerro7.    Thanks....