
                                                                               Zerro 22
                                                                               Another
                                                  Newer and Funnier
                                Even More Silly Expression
                            of what happened already 21 times!

This is yet another installment in the ongoing effort to get you to laugh, smile, perhaps even enjoy yourself.
This is the purpose of Zerro - there is no other.  No money is requested, since this is free - if it were not, you
probably wouldn't laugh, now, would you - be honest!  So, it is free.  Smile, now that you know it isn't going
to cost you one cent.  As a matter of fact, you might even laugh...

"The horrid prospect that television opens before us, with nobody speaking and nobody reading, suggests a
bleak and torpid epoch may like ahead which, if it lasts long enough, will gradually, according to the principles
of evolution, produce a population indistinguishable from the lower forms of plant life."

"Astronomers at the University of Chicago have detected something that looks much like growing moss, on
Mars.  I am convinced that Mars was once inhabited by rational beings like ourselves, who had the misfortune,
some thousands of years ago, to invent television"

                                                                               Robert Hutchins, Chancellor
                                                                                                                  The University of Chicago

Ok, folks, he said it, so let HIM have it, and leave Zerro out of this discussion completely.  Our idea of real
cultural enrichment is to spend an hour or two watching the Music Channel on TV. We are prone to much
reconstituted dehydrated genuine imitation prune pits in safflower powder which is combined with fish parts
and ground into a mass appearing much like chocolate.  If you haven't tried it, don't knock it.  It is good for
you, and it tastes like it is good for you.  (This is a code expression, meaning, for those who do not quite
understand the code, it tastes like something a turkey vulture wouldn't barf up to defend itself in a real
emergency!).  

You are welcome to come and visit us and watch MTV with us for an hour or two, but you must bring your
own food, which as I understand it, comes in fifty pound sacks and smells not just a whole lot better than
those genuine imitation prune pits. I am just reporting my suspicions here, and these have nothing whatsoever
to do with the assertion above made, that you are indistinguishable from lower forms of plant life. By the way,
I hope your limbs and leaves get better.

Music Television is a medium for expression.  It is a medium since it is neither well done nor nearly as rare
as one would wish.  It expresses something, perhaps a need for a far more wide ranging mental health program
than is now available to the general public.  Music Television in particular is a device which allows those of
us with nothing to do watch those of us who can't do much, if anything, and often enough, precious little. No
one can possibly have a higher opinion of MTV than I do, and I think of it as a sort of swill bucket which is
not well maintained.  

Those who think they know everything, whereas in fact they know very little, seem to be pointed rather
definitely in the direction of a political career.

Dan Quayle is one of those speakers who, when they get up, do not know what they are going to say, and
while they are speaking, do not know what they are saying, and when they do sit down, do not remember
what they have said.  The man has a unique gift of being able to compress the largest amount of words into
the smallest amount of thought.  

The style of women's garments may change, but their designs are the same.


The day Morton Downey was born his parents faced a serious decision...a crib or 
a cage.

Gray hair is often a sign that the beautician is on vacation.

Lots of beauty parlors never really live up to their name.

You know you are getting older when the only thing you really want for your birthday is not to be reminded
of it.

In his college days, Dan Quayle was not all that smart.  Once, he stayed up all night, simply studying for
a blood test.

Most people find bowling a fine sport, it seems to be right down their alley.

It's like this in most marriages, the bride appears simply stunning and the broom, simply stunned.

A file is the response of a computer when it is asked how you can lose just about everything, systematically.

NO customer can be worse than no customer.

Nothing is so good for improvement in driving as having a police car follow you as you drive about the town.

Chickens...the only animals you can eat before they are born....and after they are dead.
The first is an encore performance, the second the final act.

Morton Downey...ever since he was eight years old, his parents pleaded with him to run away from home.

You know that your son is growing up when he stops asking you where he came from and refuses to tell you
where he is going.  

Should women have children after thirty?  No, 30 children is enough for any family.

The male chauvinist who was upset at women pumping gas is apt to be just downright in a frenzy at women
pumping iron.

Some folks show a lot of style and some styles show a lot of folk. Lately, some styles have started late and
ended early, with nothing to hide their short comings.

Lots of people will not graduate this year from college, but that's alright, since none of them went to school
this year.

When you pass up that third helping of Apple Pie, it is a sign that you are beginning to take your diet
seriously!

According to most parents, what their children are taking in college is...all they've got!

One thing to be said for Columbus, he didn't miss the boat, but about his discovery of America, what is so
great about that?  The place is quite literally too big to miss.  Some say that Columbus found America, but
this is incorrect, inasmuch as at the time of discovery, America was not listed as lost.

Morton Downey, a man with an overwhelming personality.  Once you meet him, you never want to do it again.


No women can live long enough to try all the recipes she clips out of newspapers. And even if she did, she
wouldn't admit it.

If it is alright with you, I think I will make lunch for us in my tee shirt.  Well, it is alright by me, but it
seems it would be a whole lot less messy if you were to make lunch on the counter.

How come black cows eat green grass and give white milk on a dark night following a blue day?
Looking for a little excitement?  Well, you can get a really big charge out of using your credit card just a time
or two too often.  

An old stud took his young filly to a barn dance and she gave him the old stall after he made a pitch for the
loft.

Life is wonderful, but of course a few people do die. I've noticed how thoughtful they are - they manage to die
in alphabetical order.

Going to the dentist can be more a matter of attitude than anything else. It can be a drilling time, or it can
bore you to death.  It all depends, I guess, on whether or not the dentist gets on your nerves.

All I hear is diet, diet and more diet.  If I wanted to lose weight I'd go to a regular paint store, since most of
these places sell thinner.

My refrigerator is an international area.  There are French and Russians dressing in there all the time.

The well bred man with couth always steps on his cigarette, in order to avoid having it burn a hole in the
carpet.

One of the more serious dangers after the last kid has left home for college is getting scalded in the shower.

She: Why do you want me to hold your earlobes when we kiss?
He: I once lost my wallet kissing, and it's not going to happen again.

The main difference between a child and parent is that when a child feels like he or she should run away from
home, the child says this out loud.

April 1st marks the end of winter hibernation and the beginning of summer lethargy.

You will never really know why the English drink so much tea until you try their coffee. Then, you will know!

When your son brings the car home with a full tank of gas, you must wonder about what he was doing when
he was parked so long.

Waiter, there is a fly in my soup.
Not for long sir, note the spider on the rim of the bowl.

Do you know the difference between jogging and sex?
No!
Then you'd better keep jogging.

One of the causes of divorce today is the oft asked question: "What is for lunch today?" The reason is that this
question is often followed by the response, "I don't know, the label came off the can."

What happens if a women and two men are marooned on a desert island?
             If they are Swedish, the men will marry and ignore the woman.
   If they are Danish, everyone will find a way to be happy without any announcement of anything.
   If they are Spanish, one of the men will kill the other.
   If they are Greek, both of the men will kill the other.
   If they are Italian, the women will kill one of the men.
   If they are British, nothing will happen since there is no one to introduce the men to one another.
   If they are Swiss, nothing will happen, but it will be slow.
   If they are French, there really won't be any problem.
   If they are Polish, one of the men will become a priest.
   If they are Irish, the woman will become a nun.
   If they are German, the island will be neatly kept, before all else.


One way to make a small fortune in the United States is by giving your investment counselor a large fortune
to work with.

There is one big problem with retirement.  No longer are you able to do anything on company time.

One thing about growing old, you don't need to travel to view ancient ruins. An ordinary mirror will do it for
you.

People keep telling me that I do not have a sense of humor, and I don't think that is funny at all, not one little
bit.

A very drunk man is trying his key on a hole in the lamp post.  A police officer comes by, notices that the
man is terribly drunk and suggests that there is no one home in the lamp post.  The drunk replies that of
course someone is home, since there is a light upstairs.

Summer is that time when you discover what is new in bathing suits, and also, what is new out of these.

Two rather dumb teams were playing one another in football.  The visiting team heard the ref's whistle and
thought it was the sign that the game had ended, whereupon the team left the field.  The home team, no brain
trust, was dazed, but within a half hour, had put things together and scored its first touchdown.

Among the many handicaps of old age which must be lived with is wisdom.

Everyone feels so proud when the get a new lawn started, and then feels bad when they can't get the darned
thing to stop.

Guest: There is a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Surely not, we save those for the hamburgers!"

With such great numbers of people making love, you just have to wonder why it is always in such short
supply.

New recruits to the Army have it tough, going from a water bed to an Army Cot.

Having an honest face is truly a great asset, particularly if you plan to make a lifetime occupation out of crime.

If the kids seem to be doing a far better than anticipated business at their newly opened lemonade stand, it
is reasonable to check to see if your vodka is missing.

Many are those who recover from the most serious illnesses when the sick day was planned in advance and
rain comes unannounced.  

Just about the only thing more numerous than zucchini are the number of recipes for disguising the stuff as
something else.  Clearly, it is something else.

One of the things that helps us pass the sorrows of having an empty nest is the joy of having an empty
bathroom.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No Laughing Matter!  Very Important Material! Really Serious Stuff!  Things You Ought to Read Carefully!
Copied from Ann Landers, Simply for Wider Distribution and To Save Lives - A Humor Break - Serious Stuff...

My Name is COCAINE

You can call me Coke, for short...
I entered this country, without a passport.
Ever since that time, I've helped make a lot of human scum rich - in money if not in self-respect.
Some of these folks have been murdered and some have been found in a ditch.
I am more valued than diamonds, more treasured than gold
Use me just once, my friend, and you will be sold....

It is I who makes a school boy forget his books.
It is I who can make a nice beautiful girl look like an escapee from a hardwood forest.
It is I who can take a renowned speaker and make him into a complete bore.
It is I who take the mother, and turn here, almost instantly, into an old whore.
It is I who can take a school teacher and make that person forget how to teach.
It is I who can make that preacher not want to preach.
It is I who take all your rent money and get you evicted.
It is I who make you rob, cheat, steal and kill, for more of me, and more yet.
It is I who murder your babies or get them born addicted.

It is I who make sure you are afflicted.
It is I to whom you must bow.
It is I who am in charge now.
It is I who have brought you to the lowest point of slavery.
It is I who have brought you under my power to where you have no will whatsoever.

Remember, my friend, my name is "Big C."
I've come to reduce you to poverty.
I've arrived to take you, all of you, under my control.
I'll do it, too, once I get on a roll.
Try me but once, and you are in my trap.
There's no way, you can really unwrap.
I've destroyed actors, politicians and many a hero, not to mention athlete.
I've decrease bank accounts from millions to zero.
I've made shootings and stabbings a common affair.
I've got some of the police around my finger.
More often than not, I have ruined the career of a singer.

Once I take charge, you won't have even a prayer.
Now that you know me, what will you do?
You'll have to decide, since it's all up to you.
The day you agree to sit on my saddle, you've made
a decision that no one can straddle.

Listen to me and listen well, when you ride with cocaine, you are on your way to hell!

Author Unknown, Ann Landers Column Feature, Enhancement by Writer of Zerro
Feature Reproduced Here Because It Just Might Help Someone Think Before They Do Something STUPID!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WILD TURKEY: The nicest way to give your friends "the bird!"

Those who have false teeth, when your plates come out tonight, don't use just water in an ordinary old glass,
use some class, use Bud Light, and put some sparkle in your smile for tomorrow!

Old Motormen's Glove: A Smooth Blend of the Finest Whiskeys of the World - Smooth going down, and
smooth coming up.  Try a quart, you'll be glad you did, on the way down, and sorry you did, on the way up. 
But, it's smooth, either way!
 
Incongruous - Where most of our laws are concocted.

Propaganda - A socially correct goose!

About the only person I know who was able to get through a weeks work and have it done by Friday was
Robinson Crusoe.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not in good enough shape at the present time to get in shape for the
future right now.  

I finally got it altogether, and found out that rental space for it was far more expensive than anticipated.

If at first you don't find a way to do what no one else has done, then invite your friend to try it.

Some folks find it necessary to use psychics to contact the spirit world.  Experience tells me that your ordinary
bartender can do just as well, at half the cost, and twice as quickly.  

Vegetables have an unusual taste during the summer months, its uncanny if you ask me.

The teacher told the young student to put on a new pair of underwear pants each
day, and the kid did.  At the end of two weeks, he could no longer get his ordinary pants on!

Acoustic - Some sort of instrument used in the playing of a game called pool.

Murphy's Rules of Combat:

1. If your partner is a man and wants an electrical extension to your foxhole for his hair dryer, you are not
safe.
2. If the gun the government has issued to you says on the box "Requires Some Assembly," you have already
lost the war.
3. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
4. If the current attack is going really well, it is very likely an ambush.
5. If the current attack is going down the drain, it is very likely an accidental ambush.
6. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
7. In the event of atomic attack, bend over very deeply and osculate your posterior very gently, cause you are
not likely ever to see it again.
8. Tracers work well, but the problem with them is, they work both ways.
9. If both sides to the conflict are convinced they are about to lose, they are both very likely correct in their
estimation.
10.To the victor goes the spoils, and this is about all the victor gets for the effort put into the battle, which
is precious little.
Forfeit - What animals usually use to stand on, when they stand on more than two feet. 

Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas is so rich and lavish that if Caesar were alive today, he would not be able to
afford to stay in his digs.

"Do Not Steal," said the bumpersticker, "Our Government Does Not Appreciate Competition."

Ok, Ok, just where is it you were on the 7th of June, 1989, at 1:23:45 PM?  You can not remember where
you were at l:23:45,  on 6/7/89?  Shame on you.

Now, smarty, where will you be on the 8th of July in 1990, at 34 minutes past noon?  You do not know where
you will be at 12:34:56 PM, on 7/8/90?  Shame on you, again!

How come it happens that junk food always seem to taste better than healthful food?

If you are going to throw your weight around, you ought first to join an aerobics class, so you get something
from your effort.

If you are really brave, trying writing a check to the IRS when you don't have money in your account at the
bank.  

Despite the many repetitions, there seems to be very little basis for the rumor that the Moral Majority was
at the heart of the international heroin market.  However, there is a bit more ground for the suggestion that
the founder, Jerry Falwell, is "on something."  

Sleep in the chair - nothing to lose
But a nap at the wheel - is a permanent snooze.  Burma Shave

There are Several Ways to Beat the Heat of Summer:

1. Think Cool. Act Cool. Live in a Cave!
2. Don't listen to any weather programs or read forecasts in the paper.
3. Get a job at the local ice plant, but not in the office, cause things can heat up there.
4. Phone someone in the far North of Canada.
5. Put your feet in plastic bags filled with ice cubes.
6. Think of how they freeze dry your coffee.
7. Sit on a snow cone.
8. Stick a garden hose in your pants, and remember to turn on the water, since this will help.
(In former times this suggestion applied only to men, but today it is unisex!)
9. Hum to yourself, something with regard to snow or frosty or Christmas.
10. Drink three to five rum coolers, undiluted.  You won't even know it is warm.
(By the way, what does it mean to be "unisex?")

You are not a hard driving person if you suddenly stop looking for work after you have found a job.

Why is it that broccoli has few calories and very little cholesterol, whereas ice cream is loaded with all this
stuff?

Kids won't wait for anything, and want everything now, but they are willing to stand all night on a cold winter
night for tickets to a rock concert.

The problem with all the excitement this world furnishes me on a daily basis is that most of it is now getting
to be just a little boring.


SPORTING REMARKS: Comments on the Game, During the Game, On Radio and TV!

Norvil Faubaus: He is one of the greater unknown champions of this sport, simply because so little is known
about him.  He was last year's man of the moment, treading where no one fears to go, doing those things
already done by practically everyone else.  

When Norvil gets out there on the playing field, if you watch him carefully, you get a fairly good idea of what
he is doing and how the game is going, and of course, if you don't, then you certainly won't.

As the crowd stands in their seats, Norvil is ahead at the moment, since he seems to be out front of the others
in the game, which is why he is where he is, and it was the same last year.  This is going so well it could be 
a repeat of next year.

There are no opportune times for a penalty and this certainly is not one of those times, even if you consider
that some other time is perhaps less opportune, you still don't know.  Nevertheless, Norvil's strength is
precisely in this, his strength.  He often hands out far more than he gives in one of these events.

In the sense that his team lost, you could say that Norvil's team was beaten, but they held right on to the lead
up until the very moment they lost it.  They just couldn't do too much, and then when they did, it was too
much, which is why the thing finally did what it did and the team lost.

Norvil's team was never really too far out front, but then it was not really all that far behind, either, come
to think of it, while we watched it.  If history is going to repeat itself, it is likely that we are going to see this
very same thing again.

Victory was there for the asking, and neither Norvil nor his team could give the proper answer.

It appears that our action replay displayed the play worse than it was the first time around, and it appears
that it was probably worse than that, but not bad for the team overall, when you think of what they could do.
Let's make a hard but honest prediction; it could go either way here.

It is just like motor racing, that ever present danger is always there, and when it should go away, of course
we all know, it doesn't.  This often causes the driver to shed buckets of adrenalin.  it is well to recall that
when half the race is gone, there is still have the race to go through, and that is why it isn't over till it is.
The referee must now put his foot down with a very firm hand, if he is to stop this.  You know I am sure that
Norvil's brother failed.  Let's see Norvil do it and maintain the family tradition in spite of what his brother
did.

Yes, it's been a wet month just about everywhere, but surprisingly, not everywhere in general, just most of
it. This current age is the one in which we are living, and the reason these things happen the way they do
most of the time, but not always.

For many of the fans, homelessness probably comes down to meaning that these folks simply do not have
homes to which they can go when they are not someplace else.  

I would think that now that Norvil is the champion after his eight undefeated victories it is possible that he
could retire undefeated.  Of course, this could be the goose that killed the golden egg.
If Norvil were to die earlier than he does, it is possible that he could become a legend in his own lifetime
earlier than he will the way things look now from this vantage point.

Since Norvil has come out bristling on all cylinders, there is no way he can't not go into the final session
behind the person who is in front of him unless he skips, which Norvil has been known to do, in which case
it would be different than it now appears.  It is times like these that Norvil shows his ability to keep his head
on his chin, which is probably why he is what he is, where he is, as he is at this moment, presently.  

You've got to hand it to Norvil.  Once, when he saw it was possible, he grasped his chance and made it a
distinct possibility and then he realized it.  Once having done that, of course, the problems started, since he
didn't quite understand the nature of this particular possibility, and this is probably why he did not fulfill our
expectations and use it properly.

+++++++++

It's hard to figure out the landlord of an apartment complex who will discourage children from being tenants,
yet allow rock band players.

You know your vacation is a success if, when you come home, you discover that the grass has not grown
sufficiently to require an immediate cutting.

People regularly kill one another, and then write passionate letters to the editor about killing off an endangered
species.

Maturity is said to have arrived when one is able to distinguish without great difficulty, the difference between
wisdom and a simple case of cold feet.

What happens when you cross a chicken with a banjo?  You get a chicken that plucks itself.

How does one go about making an ordinary lemon drop?  The best technique seems to be to shake the tree.

Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my dessert!  I know, it's the rotten fruit that attracts them.  You should freshen
up before you come in here.

Who is it that usually rings twice at your home and then, if you don't respond, knocks down the door? 
Everyone knows this.  It's the new Avon Gorilla.

Happiness is seeing your grouchy old neighbor's picture on a milk carton.

Often enough, the impossible and the untried are one and the same.

Being a blood donor helps, believe me.  For example, Duelling in Paraguay is quite legal, provided that both
parties are registered blood donors.  As the ad for American Express says, membership has its privileges.  One
of them is participating in duels in Paraguay.  

There are really very few things quite as embarrassing as laughing at the joke to boss told, only to find out
that he wasn't telling a joke!  

When one is seeking a classical vacation which is very enjoyable, it is hard to find an equal for sending all the
kids to camp for a couple of weeks.  

In Kentucky, the law plainly states that every citizen must take a bath at least one time each year, need it or
not.  People from Kentucky always were a little uppity.

If you don't want to work, you must work harder to get ahead a little so that you don't have to work to stay
afloat, and when you are not working, it is work to avoid work, because it is so often presented to you as
something to be done.  It is far easier to work than not to work.  

When someone tells you they got rich through hard work - ask them whose!

All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy, and of course, it also makes Jill a very wealthy widow.

I may be a self-made man, but then, when I get to thinking about it, if I had it to do over again, I think I
would call in someone else.

Character is what God and the angels know of us.  Reputation is what others know of us.

Before technology, things didn't work, but people sure did.  Now, with progress and additional technology,
nothing works, at least not for long.

A recent graduate of the seminary was called to a local church to give a sermon, sort of a sample of what he
might do, if the church invited him to become their pastor.  He went out to the church, a small church with
a very modest congregation, in the middle of practically nowhere.  Sure enough, comes time for him to give
his sermon and he starts out giving it, when a man comes in late, coughs loudly, and accompanied by his dog,
comes to the front pew.  This commotion upsets the new minister greatly and he loses his line of thought, but
gets back on it and starts out again.  The dog makes some noises, upsets the minster, who loses his line of
thought.  This goes on several times, and each time, the dog makes more noise.  Finally, since no one else will
do it, the minister simply comes down, picks up the dog, takes it to the back of the church, throws it out and
closes the door.  
At the end of church, one of the deacons advises the new minster that he has jsut thrown out a dog belonging
to the wealthiest contributor to the church, and that he, the minister, had beeter go out immediately and
apologize.
The minister goes out in front of church, finds the man who owns the dog and makes a very long detailed
apology to the man.  The man smiles.
"I'm glad you put him out of the church, young man," smiles the dog's owner," They's some of what you said
I would't want even my dog to hear."

Put all your eggs in one basket, if you must, but be sure to watch that basket!

Never refuse a good offer - they don't come around that often!

Ok, folks, you want the fifty buck question...here it comes...ready or not!
Lake Webster is located in Massachusetts.  What is the INDIAN name for this particular lake, and what is the
meaning of the Indian name?  You trivia buffs are going down in flames on this one, since most of you
probably can't even spell, let alone pronouce the name.  It is Chargogatmanchaugagochaubunagaugamag.  It
is translated "You fish your side and I'll fish my side and nobody will fish in the middle."  From this, it seems
that the Indians had the same problems with fishermen that we have today - the whole lot of them have not
improved any...

Running a business is really no big trouble at all, provided it is not yours.

If all the telephone lines under New York City were straightened out, they would reach from here to Venus.
(Another incredible and important fact you need to know, brought to you with our compliments, since you are
a reader of Zerro!)

It is also very important for you to know that, during the course of your lifetime, you will generate some 8,000
gallons of siliva, at the rate of some 3 pints a day.  Remember not to druel!

If your heart were filling gas tanks on a car, you could fill about 400 cars a day, if they were almost out of
gas. 

What this country really needs badly is a handful of politicians that are filled with cold or at least cool air.

Each day, enough people to fill St. Louis, Missouri, leave their homes to go to a land other than the one in
which they are currently living.  This is an excellent opportunity for those who handle baggage to lose a lot
more than they are doing.  

In the future, it is said that the real valuable antiques will be those which are made almost entirely of genuine
plastic.

Talk about giving...each day, some 7,000 tons of wool are produced by the sheep of this world, and someone
comes around and deprives them of it.  I think the name is Pendleton, but I am not sure.

Among the things that is next to impossible, when it comes to putting off till tomorrow those things we don't
intend doing today is procrastination.

A new author attempted to get an older author to read his works simply by sending them to the older man.
The older author read what was sent and replied that the work was both interesting and original, but
unfortunately, that which was original was not interesting and that which was interesting was not original.

How come they call it "prime time," when we really do not have anything better to do than watch television? 
What this society needs is a few less channels and not quite so many flavors of ice cream, or for that matter,
fewer flavors of bubble gum and pop corn.  Life is simply getting too confusing.

If the kids today did the same things I did when I was a kid at Halloween, it would be reported in the paper
as the act of a local terrorist.

When starting to calculate why your children went wrong, one of the things that always seems to be neglected
in such a listing is the important factor called heredity.

Far too often today, it appears, the Great American Dream is interrupted by the Japanese alarm clock.

Fish are said to have good eyesight, but many breeds are hard of herring.  ( Apologies on this one, all around,
of course!)

Nowdays, kids express their individuality by dressing in a most bizarre manner, with unusual hair styles, all
of which conform rigorously to the code for these things which the kids understand, even if you don't.

Business is supposed to be service for a profit, at a risk. Often it simply comes down to simple swindling.

A Presbyterian and Methodist Preacher got into a hot discussion about the Presbyterian teaching on what is
called predestination.  Like all such discussions, there was far more heat shead in the course of the discussion
than there was light.  The Methodist finally agreed that there just might be something to the teaching of the
Presbyterians on predestination, and also he allowed that most Presbyterians were likely going to hell anyway.
The Presbyterian was rather out of patience with all of this and admitted that he would much rather be a
Presbyertian and know he was going to hell than a Methodist and know know where the hell he was going.

By the term "the good old days," most people are referring to those times in which static electricity was about
the only thing that would stand your hair on end.

With the invention of spray paint, graffiti has increased in quantity, but the new invention did not do all that
much for the quality of the whole thing.

The current quest for perfection has allowed far too many of us to spend far too much time, standing in front
of a mirror, looking at ourselves.  What a quest!


If you learn something by watching the mistakes of others, it just seems fair to make some effort to return
the favor.

The more homes they build without basements or attics, the more frequent are the garage sales going to be.

Remember when people who looked like they stuck their finger in a light socket often agreed with you when
you commented that their barbar was not all that great.  Today, the hair stylist makes you pay EXTRA for
that very same look!

The trouble with trying to keep up with the Joneses is that they are putting their utmost effort into keeping
up with you.

You can say what you want about the inconvenience of children and the other things, but when it comes right
down to it, it is a sorry home that has no child to operate the VCR properly and teach the adults how to do
it every other week.

Shifty eyes and the inability to look at someone with whom you are speaking may be an indicator of some sort
of character flaw perhaps, but more often it is nature's way of telling you that you are in real need of bifocals.

It is indeed a great idea to work your way through college with a job, and it is even better if the job is still
there when you graduate.


Somewhere out there someone has put out a reward for anyone actually having seen a calorie.

Basically, there are three ways to lose money, racing being the quickest of the three, women being the
pleasantest, and farming being the most certain way of the three.

If the Democrats were looking for a real expert in domestic affairs, they could not find anyone more qualified
than Gary Hart.  

The most successful direction in which you can throw dice is away.

One of the moring boring aspects of the science of mathematics is that there is only one correct answer.

In putting off what one ought to do, one runs the risk of not being able to do it, and this is a risk I am more
than willing to take.

Well, we are now down to the level of conversation where people are complaining about the weather again,
which was so bad just a few weeks ago that these same folks pledged they would never complain about it if
it got better.  It got better and they are still out there complaining.

One of the inadequate preparations being young allows is that you are not prepared for the time when you
will be old.

Three months of summer are a very small reward for six months of winter.  

Remember way back when it was only the kids that had to go out back behind the barn to get a smoke?

It surely doesn't say too much for society if gambling is the only way to raise money for a good cause.

Nine professional gamblers can not feed a single canery.

Money is what you could so easily do without if others weren't so crazy to get it.

You are now into page 13 of Zerro 22, which means that there were 21 of these things before you got to this
one.  If you don't collect all of these, your grand-children will be deprived, your humor will be shallow, and
someone is sure to put some sort of curse on you, as in "May 1000 sand-flies hold a jazz festival in your
shorts," or some other truly evil nasty type thing.  A person who did NOT collect all of these Zerro things had
a tragic consequence arise from this failure.  Toenails grew inside rather than outside and finally came forth
from the ears.  This could happen to YOU, if you fail to get busy and collect all the previous 21 installments
of Zerro.  This is # 22, which means there were 21 before it. One thing for sure, this is a really clever and
original effort, as you can note immediately in the numbering of these things.

Maybe you would like to contribute something to this effort, since you are confined to the home and don't have
anything better to do between visits of the warden.  Get your therapist's approval, and then write to Zerro! 
                                                                           Resident Idiot - Scribe Zerro
                                                                               Post Office Box 38
                                                                               Buffalo, Illinois    62515

If you write and are so bold as to put down a return address, you may actually receive a response to your
correspondence.  I like to send my bills to people who write to me, and perhaps get them paid in this manner.
There is no charge for this stuff, it just flows, sometimes it is taken from elsewhere, sometimes some of it
starts something else, which ends up here, and then some of this is actually original garbage not previously
used to nausiate anyone.  

Your loyalty in obtaining all the previous installments of Zerro is needed to make the operators of the electronic
bulletin boards think that this is really hot stuff, and in high demand.  Actually, what we need are a few
dedicated nerds that will seek copies of this material, get it and leave it on their computer, since they have
no idea of what to do with it.  If you happen to have all previous installments of this material, and if, what
is even worse, you might have read all of these previous efforts, consult your local public mental health facility
immediately if not sooner, since you are in need of prolonged intense custodial therapeutic care and radical
redirection.  You likely need your tires changed, too.  

What is really sorry about all of this is that this is not the last of these things. There are to be more!  If the
EPA is to be kept busy, someone has to put out pollution, and so it is a dirty job, but someone has to do it. 

Don't forget to write to Scribe Zerro, since it is lonely sitting around in a box in the post office waiting for the
male to come in!  (No, that was NOT a spelling error!).  Zerro asked for a phone, but it would not fit into the
box, and the postal authorities seem to be a trifle upset with such things, so this did not happen.  

If you like this type of thing, you will like what went before and what comes after, and you are very seriously
ill.  You need team professional help.  You are more than Oral Roberts can heal, even with Richard's help! 

Keep a smile on your face - the ultimate and ONLY purpose of Zerro.  The world needs humor, and after this
effort, the need is even greater...  
END.  Zerro22.





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