
                                                                                                Zerro 23
                                                                                                WHO SAYS
                                                                                                CRIME DOES
                                NOT PAY???


With this issue or installment of Zerro, due to an increase in circulation and inflation and all those
other factors that we have no control of or interest in, the cost of this work is to be doubled!  Yes, you
got it right, doubled, that is, this installment is now going to cost you TWICE what the others did. 
Of course, you may, if you like, decide not to get all that excited, since the other installments, all 22
of them, were free.  And what do you get if you double what is already free - maybe, if you are a
regular reader of this type of stuff a question is an unfair tax of your ability!  At any rate, now you
know what you did not previously know, and so you have some idea of where that puts you.  

A new preacher came to a local church and gave what he considered a fairly reasonable example of a
sermon for the consideration of the locals.  He came back on the following Monday night to meet with
the Board of Deacons, and before the meeting went into the bathroom.  On the hand dryer he noted
a sign which read "This device placed here courtesy of the preacher we had this last Sunday."  He did
not get to stay!  

If a man runs after money - that man is money-crazy.
If a man keeps the money he earns - he is a capitalist.
If a man spends the money he earns - he is a playboy.
If a man doesn't get any money for what he does - he is stupid.
If a man doesn't try to get some money - he lacks ambition.
If a man gets money without working for it - he is a parasite.
If a man saves money from a life of hard work - he is a fool who never enjoyed life.
If a man gives his money to the poor - he is just showing off.
If a man doesn't give his money to the poor - he is a tight-wad.
If a man leaves his money to his wife - he is making up for his vileness on this earth.
If a man doesn't leave his money to his wife - the marriage was just a sham anyway.
This is why they call money the root of all evil - no matter what you do with it, someone is unhappy.

When you have money, it is amazing how many relatives you suddenly have.

When you are down and out, all too often the thing that turns up is the noses of your former friends.

With money in your pocket, you are wise, you are handsome, and you sing well, too!

We had a nice brook going through our back yard, and when you get tired and have nothing better to
do, it is always worthwhile to step out there and weed a good brook.  I've always felt I was entitled to
it.

A friend of mine made some very light and exceedingly dry white wine.  He invited me to taste it, and
it not only lacked color and body, but taste.  "Well," he said, "what do you think of my white wine?"
And I responded "Albino wine before it's time."

What would happen if you built a communist government in the middle of the Sahara desert?  For a
time very little would happen, but at the end of say three years, there would be an acute shortage of
sand.  

Remember way back when it didn't do any good to try to look up those kids of words in the dictionary?

(2)

Why does the KGB always send three men out to do what could be done by one man?  The KGB sends
out one man who can read, and one man who can write, and the third man to watch these two
intellectuals.

What happened to the Chinese Symphony Orchestra during its most recent Western tour?  It became
the Chinese String Quartet.

Oliver North is proof that if you wrap stupidity in the flag, you can overcome common sense which
conforms to the law.

The Government instituted forms on which to order other forms, to cover the difficulty of what to do
in the event you run out of forms to use in your regular work.  You go and get a form to order more
forms. And yes, you guessed it, there is a form to order forms to order forms to order forms to order
forms.  Well, you get the picture here...

What is a Pinochioism?  It is an act of one in possession of a computer, whereby one tells whomever
is asking that the computer is down. This avoids trying to correct previously made stupid or sometimes
even deliberate errors, particularly on airlines that overbook, or resort hotels that don't really expect
everyone to show up when they say they will.

What is a Legal Loophole?  It is the motivation for so many young men and woment to go off to law
school, pass the bar (at least once, as a matter of record!), and then go to work on that loophole and
mine it well.  

What is a Driveloper?  Such a person is ordinarily occupied in the creative activity of original
presentations of simple drivel.  The driveloper has ordinarily gone beyond speaking simple bureaucratese
and is now into some form of neo-computer language.  This makes it possible for a driveloper to belch
and sound like some sort of profound policy statement has been made.  Formerly, drivelopers worked
almost exclusively in government, but within the past few years, many have translated their work site
to private industry.  While the number of people professionaly engaged in this activity seems to be
increasing, the level of comprehension even between drivelopers seems to be sadly decreasing.

Zerochs Consultant:  This individual is trained to tell you what you want to hear in the manner least
likely to upset you.  Such persons clone themselves or "Xerox" their person to the person to whom they
are assigned, so that whatever is reported to the person for whom they work is reported in such a
manner as to fairly often get ignored completely.  Zerochs consultants write a wide variety of
government reports on fairly serious subjects.  

Amos always said he wanted to be cremated when he died.  His brother, trying to honor the wish of
Amos, shopped carefully among the several funeral homes, and finally found one that was somewhat
cheaper than the rest, proving that a penny saved is a penny urned.  (This should be cremated, it is
just downright awful!  Terribly sorry, really, about this.)

In wealth one finds many friends whereas in poverty, even very few relations.

A promoter is a person who wants to sell you something you don't need that he does not have, at a
price you can't afford, and for reasons neither of you can possibly understand, but the deal goes through
and now you make your living using the things no one wanted to do what everyone said could not be
done, for people who don't want what you offer.  Its the price you pay, it appears, for being in the
sewer cleaning business.  

If you really want to sell something, tell the women it is a bargain, but tell the man it is deductible.
(3)
If you think you have someone eating out of your hand, it is not at all a bad idea to count your fingers.

If a person deceives you once, shame on that person.  If a person deceives you twice, shame on you!
For of all hard things to bear and grin, the hardest is being taken in.

You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising budget is big enough and the conditions
are right.

A statistician is one who collects an immense amount of data, studies it with extreme care, discusses
it with others who know how to interprete these things, and then draws his own confusions.

A patient named Tarzan was always negative, always gripping, carping and sometimes even whining
about something.  The man was never satisfied.  Finally, he went to a psychologist who listened until
he could take no more, since it was so constant, so negative.  The therapist came home and said ot his
wife that one of his patients almost sings; "The Tarzen Gripes Forever!"  (Chucky little bit of humor,
if that much, right?)

When you go to buy something, use your eyes and your mind, not just your ears!  A person who buys
by ear does not buy much for long.  

If the customers don't want to come, you can't exactly keep them from it.

A hamburger by any other name ordinarily costs about twice as much.

We ain't got hold of culture yet, but when we do get hold of her, we will adjust her and settler her
down and make her hum and run like crazy.

Ben Franklin may have found electricity, but the guy who invented the meter is the guy who came off
with the real gold out of this whole process.

And just how far would Moses have gone, if he had taken a poll in Egypt before he started anything?

Statistics and their use allow one to jump from an unwarrented assumption to a preconcenived
conclusion without so much as even a slight hesitation.  The use of such condensed information allows
that compendious information may be sufficiently reduced to facilitate discussion among experts who
can interpret the findings without any relation whatsoever to reality.  

Advertising is the art which promotes the idea within your head that you have wanted all your life
something you have never even heard of before this time.  

With all the stuff on the shelves now stamped "improved," what in blue blazes were we buying before?

If it is good, production is due to stop shortly.  If it was excellent, production stopped already, and if
it is absolutely superb, it has not been made for a fairly good number of years.

I am not quite sure how to tell you this, but there is so much plastic out there in this society in which
you and I live that genuine immitation vinyl-naugahyde leopard skin has become an endangered species.

It is a sorry time in life when nobody asks you to "act your age," any longer, for fear you will!

The first real sign of maturity is the admission that once upon a time your own parents were teenagers.


(4)
Now that we have managed, in the course of human history, to domesticate so many of the animals,
perhaps it is time that we get to one important effort we seem to have neglected...human beings.  We
can give domestication a try.

Why beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, it is well not to underestimate the work of the beholdee
in this work.
Have your eyes ever been checked?  No, they've always been brown!

"One more word, and I go back to Mother!"  "T-A-X-I!!!"

You know you are getting along in years when you wink at a very pretty young gal and she smiles.

It shows a definite lack of originality to make the same mistakes over and over, when there are so
many mistakes to be made yet, for the first time. 

You are indeed getting along in years if you can remember the auto bumper that was difficult to lift.
Now, a child can fold one and put it away!

It is time to go on the wagon when your eyes appear to be two olives in a sea of tomato juice.


Custodian at Library of Congress Retires and Reveals All:

Most of us are somewhat familiar with the Official Secrets Act which allowed that at times Ronald
What's His Name would refer to his wife as " her."  Things have been kept under fairly tight wraps
these past few years, and so it is refreshing to find that, in spite of all of this secretive effort, we are
privy to what has gone on in the Library of Congress, at least.  Items include the following from a
selected list which runs into the hundreds of pages:

1920 - Library Inspected for Termites - None were discovered in granite portions of building.
1922 - Several Seditious Melodies Rendered During Christmas Sing followed by a very serious and
protracted investigation which came to expensive conclusion which was never acted upon by either
house of congress.
1929 - Many incidents in various restaurants in Washington area, having to do with availability of beer. 
1931 - Slanderous statements uttered by President under hypnotic state, about State Department.
1932 - Telegram sent to Kaiser to stop war, delivered late, posthumously and unsigned.
1934 - Tainted Marshmellows appear at Boy Scout Outing.  Congressional Investigation.
1936 - Washington and Lincoln Monument Confused, Renamed, and finally moved to present sites to
end confusion and eliminate nasty notes from various departments and offices.
1937 - Anti-Macadonian Riots Reach Crecendo in Washington Area - No one even notices.
1938 - Renumbering of Streetcars in Washington Area causes several local riots.
City Council decides to leave old numbers in place.
1940 - Library of Congress Fumigated Secretly, Over Christmas Holiday Season.  
1942 - Oral Roberts Eats New Testament in Washington Park.  Violates Nutritional Statute.
1946 - Nudist Free Love Sit-in In Washington brings new tourist records in wake of event.
1947 - Congress opens its own barbership.  
1951 - Restoration of Mosquito Population on Maryland Beaches, federally funded.
1954 - Old Soldiers Never Die They Just Smell That Way Day celebrated first this year.
1956 - Harold Stassen Runs for President in off year, due to his insecurity.
1960 - George Wallace Says He Wants to Be President!  Nation in Serious Trouble.
End of Revelations...


(5)
On or about October 19, 1745 a man named Johnathan Swift, or a spelling near unto this, died, or is
said to have died, since the vital signs, the majority of them at least, are alleged not to have been
present.  The man left the bulk of his estate, or what is sometimes called the major part of it, as
distinguished from the smaller or lesser part, to the building and endowment of an insane asylum, or
as it is called today, a mental facility of some permanency, to house and home as many inmates for as
long as necessary as the annual endowment would allow.  In other words, Swift is said to have 
SO HATED THE WORLD THAT HE LEFT HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SUM TO SHAME IT.

It doesn't seem that long ago that just a few things cost more than a dollar a gallon, including imported
whiskey and some rather exotic perfume.  

Who says I'm paranoid, and why do they want to know?

You know you are no longer young if you recall that the fastest means of communication was ordinary
gossip.

Nancy Reagan had a face lift. Joan Collins used a fork lift.

If some folks give up wearing glasses, they look better, but they don't see as well.  

If you've got water on the knee, you're not aiming straight!

Sex is evil.  Sex is sin.  Sex is forgiven.  Sex is in!

Tammy Faye Bakker uses gun powder on her face. At least, it looks shot!

Marriage's Perfect Match: When the hypochondiac marries the pill!

Which are more popular, owls or chickens?
Chickens, naturally....
Who ever heard of Kentucky Fried Owls?

No matter how many daughters you have, there are always more than enough sneaky-eyed boy friends
to take care of the need. 

When Mary had a little lamb,
the doctor seemed surprised.
But when Old McDonald had a farm,
He couldn't believe his eyes.

Joan Collins makes a movie each year, and she has just started on her 67th movie.

Zsa Zsa Gabor also makes a movie a year, but no one knows about it. Most were never distributed.

A women who seeks to be equal to men --- lacks ambition!

Most recently, I've read so much about the dangers of smoke and drink that I have finally decided to
give up reading altogether. 

A man used to be rated on how well he achieved bringing home the bacon.  All that has passed. Now,
he is rated on how well he brings home the textured vegatable protein bacon flavored strips.

Truth wealth consists in making out your shopping list, before you consult your coupon file.
(6)
Keep the Pope Off the Moon, It's The Only Place He Hasn't Been!

The person who told me that by starting at the bottom there was no way for me to go but up had
unfortunately forgotten that sideways is still a direction you can go and go and go.  I did.

The President is getting religious and knows what he is doing.  This type of news is enough to scare
the hell out of anyone.

One of the disadvantages of childlessness is that in a few years it begets grand-childlessness.

Diarrhoea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans.  

What is long and hard and has seman in it?
No, a submarine!

Dan Quayle is a former has-been.

You really want to be discouraged?  Than wait till you find out that your bathroom scales is correct!

It has been noted that the most common pain in the neck has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with
whiplash.

When the end of the world arrives, the safest place to be will be in the Soviet Union, because in the
Soviet Union, everyone lives at least 50 years behind the standards everywhere else.

The most reliable lie detector is a suspicious wife.

China - Things may be bad but next year they will be worse.

When it comes to the ultimate in elasticity, it is hard to beat a paycheck that lasts until the next one
comes in.

People who live in a Socialist society live in a planned economy.  Everything is planned.  When there
is a shortage of ham, there is also a shortage of eggs.  

When there is food in the villages, and not in the cities, that is left wing deviationism.   When there
is food in the cities but not in the villages, that is right wing deviationism.  When there is food in the
cities and food in the villages, that is capitalist propaganda.

Socialism is that system which allows that everyone gets a headache trying to live with this system. 
The real genius of socialism is that, once everyone has a headache, the aspirins are provided, free.

China under Chairman Deng:  How to Survive!
      1. Don't think.
      2. If you think, don't talk.
      3. If you talk, don't write it down.
      4. If you write it down, don't publish it.
      5. If you publish it, don't sign it.
      6. If you sign it, deny it at once.
      7. If you deny it once, deny it again.
      8. Claim your signature was faked!
      9. Blame someone who forced you to publish it.
     10. Say that you wrote it down at gun point, and it is not your thinking.
(7)
Do not spit on the floor --- it is forbidden to discuss politics in public!

People still become infatuated with one another, fall in love, go together, get married and live together,
but not necessarily in that order.

If having children keeps you young, perhaps growing older has many more advantages than at first
thought.
For those who think that we still enjoy free speech in this country - just wait till you get your next
telephone bill!

I continuously have this cash flow problem - it is all flowing in the wrong direction.

After considerable research, the present administration has discovered that unemployment isn't working.

Isaac Newton didn't discover gravity.  What he did discover is heavier than air apples.

Children in the front seat cause accidents, whereas accidents in the back seat cause children.

It is difficult for me to agree that muggers should be flogged, or that floggers should be mugged.

If undertakers were nationalized than everyone could have a  state funeral at the taxpayer's expense.

Quite frankly I admit that I am not too talented, rather under-educated, and not too up on current
affairs, decidedly uninterested in sports, and additional to all of this I know practically nothing about
the stock market, money management, international law, how to deal with terrorism and protective
policy.  These at the things that worry me, inasmuch as any day now, someone is going to come and
ask me to run for President, since so few other folks are so well qualified.

I don't want to mention the restaurant in which this happened, but the other day I put in my order
and the waitress disappeared, perhaps to have her hair done and get some incidental shopping out of
the way, I don't know.  I finally asked the manager if they were going to put the waitress's picture on
the side of a milk carton.

A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.  This is usually true, unless of course, you
miss your exit.

It is more dignified for me to tell you that we are moving in cycles than to come right out and tell you
the honest truth - we are running around in circles!

Possibly the ultimate irony is that perfection is usually achieved by accident rather than by design.

You know that you are from a small town if the main street of the place runs through a car wash.

If you chance to think of yourself as some sort of expert on the subject of women, than perhaps you
are the one to whom I should come with this question:  How come women will wear a wig over a full
head of hair?  

Dear Editor:
I just read in your paper that a little old lady was bitten by a black widow spider when she picked up
the paper off the front porch.  This came as nothing short of a surprise to me.  Not the fact that she
was bitten by a black widow spider, mind you, but that the paper was on the front porch.
A Subscriber....

(8)
It is hard to claim that you know something about pollution unless you were the third kid to use the
bathwater at home.  This is the ultimate qualification.

The Boss is that person who, when telling a joke, does not need a laugh track in order to hear people
laugh.

You know you are in a truly small town, if the store owner sweeps the sidewalk in front of his or her
place of business.  


It always makes you feel a little uneasy when people start treating you with consideration and respect,
because then you've got to wonder if they know something you don't know about your health.

Currently, a marriage is  considered successful if it lasts long enough for the exchange of all the
duplicates received during the wedding as gifts.
The farmer works the soil, the agriculturist works the farmer.

As far as can be known, one of the major purposes for the entire State of Iowa is to keep Minnesota
from sinking and hitting Missouri.  

Never throw mud.  You may miss your mark, but in any event, you'll end up with dirty hands.

I hate to mention things like this in this feature, but it is one of the more pressing problems in
America today, and that is the lack of tap-dancers in the Miss America contest.  

Let me call to your attention the fact that those who most often and most loudly extol the virtue in
hard work are also the folks least likely to have callouses.

First commit the Golden Rule to memory, then work at it and commit the rule to life itself.

Ignorance always allows that from it a crop of fear may be reaped easily.

The husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to use the new car,
even to drive to the grocery store, a mere few blocks away from the house.  Finally, after she rather
insisted, he allowed it, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the
newspaper will print your age!"

People keep telling me that I am never too old to learn, and I keep wondering why they say that you
can't teach an old dog new tricks.

And why does all of the corn in Western Iowa lean toward the West?  The answer to that one is quite
simple.  Nebraska sucks!

An old timer is one who remembers the time when street people were city sanitation workers.

It frequently happens that an optomist is a perfectly normal person in most other respects.

In this world filled with unfairness, it takes all the talent, intelligence and cunning your offspring can
muster to accomplish what the kids just next door do regularly thorough sheer luck and some
indifference.

A grandchild who asks you some innocent question can make you feel truly ancient, as in: "What were
dinosaurs really like?"
(9)
Let's all face the facts. This world in which many if not most of us live will never be a better place
until such time as it is occupied by a better class of tenents.

What you do not want others to do unto you, do not do unto others.

Habits may be good or they may be bad.
At first, they are like cobwebs.
Later, they become cables.
A snake may change his skin.
A fox may change his fur color.
But neither the fox or the snake can change their habits.
And often enough, neither can a human being!

Now is the time, after reading about habits, to do something really foolish!  Start Smoking!

In the Book of Galatians, we are told that whatever a man soweth, that also he will reap.  This is the
reason why so many breakfast foods now have oat bran in them.  Lots of folks early on in their lives
sowed a whole lot of oats, which are now coming home to roost.

There is one thing far worse than waiting two months for a dental appointment, and that is getting
in to see the dentist the very next day.

When the values of the good old days are being hoisted for all to see and hear, it is seldom that the
electronic calculator that weighed in at 7 pounds and cost $ 270 gets mentioned.

When you call home and get a busy signal, at least you are aware of where one of your children is at
the time.

Sound Advice:  Hang up on any phone conversation that starts with this dialogue or monologue: 
"Congratulations, you have been chosen......"

You are at home when you can scratch were it actually itches and not be anxious that someone will
see what you are doing.  

There is no army so strong that it can resist an idea whose time has come.  The idea will defeat the
army and sweep away all armaments in its path.  

The injuries we do to others and the injury others do to us are seldom weighed on the same scales.

If you would want to know what you would be like if you lost your mind, put a tape recorder nearby
and have it running when you take your second or third drink.

Hello Jimmy Swaggart: The devil loves nothing more than the intolerance of reformers who do not hear
their own words and whose lives reveal a serious deafness.

To be truly conscious of your stupidity is one of the greatest steps you can make toward wisdom.
If you know others, you are learned.  If you know yourself, you are indeed wise.  
It isn't the things that you don't know that get you into trouble.
What gets you into trouble are those things you know for sure that ain't so.

An attorney starts his or her practice giving $500 worth of legal expertise for $ 5.00.
In the passage of a small time all of this is remedied, and the attorney now gives
$ 5.00 worth of legal expertise for $ 500.  Time changes all of us.
(10)
May all of your troubles last no longer than do your New Year Resolutions.

Your facial expression is the most important thing you can wear, you can't buy it in a clothing store.

When it gets right down to the basics, there is no real substitute for simple incomprehensible good luck.

When money speaks, the truth is most often silent.

Laughter requires no prescription and in addition to this, it is far and away the best medicine.

Spring is wonderful.  It makes you feel young enough to do those things that age and your doctor tell
you not to do.

Money brings about a new class of relative, formerly the unknown, now the familiar.

A child is a person who will try mightily to live up to whatever expectations you have of them, when
you tell them what you expect.

While it is true that Rome was not built in a day, it is also true that the construction was not delayed
by union jurisdictional disputes and craft union work stoppages.

See much, study much, think much, and you might even learn something.

The Chinese, in saying that no one was hurt or died on Tiananmen Square, were guilty of wholesale
termonological inexactitute and commercial grade inaccuracy.  In other words, they lied through their
teeth.

Everyone should have manners, and anyone who doesn't should be kicked out of where ever they are
and whipped until they bleed.

What is clear beyond question is that the immediate future is completely uncertain and cloudy.

It is really insufficient to be simply good, one must also try to be good for something.
A deaf husband and a blind wife as sure to be a happy couple.  You can almost count on it...

Before the wedding, the woman cries.  After the wedding, it is the man's turn to cry.

Doctors often prescribe medicines about which they know relatively little for diseases about which they
know even a little less, in people about whom they know practically nothing.  It is a real wonder that,
under these circumstances, the patient even survives, as most of them do.  In fact, some of them even
get better in spite of all the odds against it.

Many people conduct their lives as though on a directionless search conducted to find the great perhaps.

For insurance purposes, an act of God is defined as something which no reasonable person could
possibly have anticipated.  In this same sense, Catholic theologians speak of the creation of humanity
as an act of God!  If carried to the logical conclusion, we might even find some sort of reason for your
ordinary parking meter.

The more efficient you are in planning, the more easily your are upset by accident.

Tell me what upsets you.  Small minds are often distressed by little things...

(11)
I really would not be so bothered by people who speak out what they think, if before they spoke out,
they actually did think.  This is one of the main problems with a democracy.  Everyone has a chance
and an opportunity to speak up and say what is on their mind.  Often times, precious little and even
more often absolutely nothing, and the less there is of thought, the more lengthy the unloading. It is
the pain of the democratic process!  Thoughtlessness and wordlessness are seldom found in the same
person.  There isn't enough wordlessness in this world to go around and fill the need for it!

Amateurs built the ARK, professionals built the TITANIC!  None the less, I would still prefer that the
surgeon operate on me, not the carpenter.

The person who stands in New York and sees the fly in California is unconscious of the fact that at
the very time, a horse is standing on his foot.  Pay attention to what YOU are doing, not the other
person.

This reliance on facts, belief in facts; it's a great American superstition.  After all, the telephone
directory is full of facts, but it does not contain one idea.  The fact is that value judgements are not
based on facts.  Facts alone are like unlabeled spent food containers, whereas when facts are combined
with ideas, you have one of the greater forces available to you in this world.  

A professional is someone who tells you something you already knew, but in the telling, through the
use of jargon and jumbo, makes the whole thing sound impressive and confusing, and then charges you
a professional fee for doing this to you.  

Quite honestly, if you are not confused, you really are not thinking clearly.

Whether your think you can do a thing or not do a thing is immaterial, because in either instance, you
are correct.

To get people to think they are thinking begets friendship, whereas actually to make people think begets
resentment.  There is no level so low to which people will not stoop, even honorable people, to avoid
the difficulty of thinking.  

Some folks can have several trains of thought going down the track at the same time with litte
difficulty.  The problem lies in the fact that these folks have no terminal for the trains.

In the United States, there is a lot more space with a fewer people than there is less space with a lot
more people.  Its things like this that make America what it is.  However, it won't always be the way
it was, and it is a lot different now than it used to be.

The first time you buy a house, you look and see how pretty the paint is, and then you buy the house.
The second time you buy a house, you check for termites in the basement.  It is kind of like that with
your second marriage.  

If you don't got the money, than don't go to none of them auctions, cause if you do, you can be in real
deep trouble by a simple wrong move at the right time for the wrong reasons.

The more you know about politics, the more assured you are that each and every party is worse than
the other.

The person who quite clearly knows nothing but thinks that he knows absolutely everything has a very
distinct orientation toward a political career.  

Politics is a nice name for something which otherwise would be called the law of the jungle.
(12)
You can bet your life on the fact that a clock in the workplace, running slow, will be corrected before
the end of the first day.

You can't be happy if you do things different when you do them than when you discuss them.

The current bran frenzy has lots of folks feeling their oats and many of them have been noticed of late,
horsing around~

Marriages tend to last a little longer if someone manages to inform the participants that often it
happens that better comes AFTER worse!

Wise up folks, there is no such thing as free democracy any more than there is free citizenship.

Probably one of the greatest tests of self-control is expertise in the abilty to perform a task,
while watching someone do what you can do so well, in the wrong way, with predictably disasterous
results, and not say anything.  

Education is learning that you did not even know what you did not even know you did not even know.

Peace is not necessarily God's gift to you, it is your gift to others and their gift to you.

Home is the place you grow up in and want to leave, only to get a little older and grow fond of coming
back to.

Scientists are folks who would rather count than guess.

If time heals all wounds, as you grow older, you'll get better.

Hell is filled with amateur musicians, all playing their ghetto blasters louder than the one next to them.

If you can't change your opinion, you have already been the customer of a funeral home, or you are
the most obstinate person ever to walk the face of the earth.

If order is heaven's first law, there's just a whole pack of us in serious deep trouble..

When you next look at a cow eating some grass, pause a little longer and recall that science has not
yet come up with a good response as to how grass is turned into milk.

If order is heaven's first law, I live just three blocks the other side of hell.

A pessimist is a person who feels bad when he feels good for fear he will feel worse when he feels
better.

 A pessimist is always frustrated, for when they take joy in having proved that there is no joy they
have contradicted themself and must start all over again. 

Opinions founded in ignorance are usually expressed as prejudice and require that to maintain them,
one must use violence.

When it is not necessary to change it is necessary not to change.  

When someone says "This is old, therefore it is good," or "This is new, therefore it is better," you know
you are talking with one or another variety of fool.
(13)
A conservative is a person who does not think that anything should be done for the first time.

There is one surprise in life that we can still experience, and that is that there are some things in this
life which can and do surprise us.

You Heard It Here Department:  Pete Rose is opening a new motel chain, The Wager Inn.

Cher is starting a new chain of restaurants called "The Rib Cage."

Be happy with what you got and don't worry none about what you ain't got, cause you can't get happy
when you is worry filled.  If you got it, enjoy it, and if you ain't got it, don't give it no worry.

That person who falls in love with self alone, falls in love with one of the meanest mortals known.

Blessed are they have have nothing to say and can not be persuaded with any known prize, to say it.

Never jump on a man unless he is down, and when you do, make sure that you confuse him by
supplying him with so many facts that he can not possibly understand what you are saying.

I agree with you on practically everything you say including even the fact that on most things we don't
see eye to eye.

The freedom to make mistakes makes for the better forms of creativity, but creativity varies inversely
with the number of mechanics trying to solve the problem.  

There is a very thin line between the creative genius and the oddball, the screwball.  I haven't been
able to put that line down yet.  So, I must suffer the occasional screwball.

Before you speak, just remember that you will not be asked to explain what you did not say!

There are two ways to kill a good idea.  Take it to a meeting for one, and turn it over to a committee,
for the second.

There are few things more threatening than a person equipped with just one idea, one direction.

A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity, can repetitively
reiterate redundant reduplications of previously discussed material to the point where it becomes
tendiously obdurate and almost intolerable.   

Why is it that when a man goes to hunt bear, it is sport, but when the bear comes to hunt man, it
is violence?

A state from which religion is banished can never be a well managed state that meets the needs of the
people.

Never get too serious in life, because after serious, the next step is being dull, and after that it is a
short step to boring.

May you live all the days of your life!

Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you, cause if you do, you are in big trouble, serious trouble,
lots of trouble and more trouble yet.  

(14)
ZERRO SPEAKS:
All of the above material was stolen from a wide variety of sources.  Sometimes it was a direct steal,
often called research when you do it wholesale.  Sometimes, what someone else is said to have said was
an inspiration to something that appears here entirely new.  And a few of these things were new and
just completely original.  Whatever the source, the hope is that some of the material above will cause
you to laugh.  Laughter is the sole/only/exclusive/complete/unique/unilateral purpose of this whole
ZERRO thing.  Zerro is for electronic bulletin boards and appears where ever we have a sytem operator
(Sysop) who will allow such things!  

This is installment number 23, which means that there were 22 previous installments, and also helps
to indicate that the next installment is Zerro 24.  This whole thing is really big on originality, and so
we have this unique naming mechanism which causes this thing to stand out.  If you don't have the
other twenty-two installments of ZERRO, you will likely spend a good deal of time kicking yourself in
the head (if you are under 3 years of age and can do this type of thing - this is the market for which
ZERRO is written - those who are 3 and under in mental age!).

You have something you just absolutely have a burning desire to see as part of ZERRO and want to
contribute that to this feature.  You have something that you think is amusing.  You have something
that may hold the attention of the stupidly simple-minded.  You have something that you want to get
out of your digs, lest after you die someone find and discover what sort of perverted, warped, creep you
really are!  You are over 20 years of age and STILL read MAD Magazine, which proves you are some
sort of slimy subversive type.  There is a place that will gladly receive these items and even read them. 

The perpetrator of ZERRO is always looking for a means to start yet another installment.  This may
be a latent unconscious revenge on society, who really knows?  At any rate, you can send the material
you want to contribute to this monumental effort to:

                                                                Resident Idiot - Scribe Zerro
                                                                P. O. Box 38
                                                                Buffalo, Illinois   62515


PLEASE!
Do not change the numbering of the installments of Zerro, and do not add or subtract from what is
there.  Zerro has certain standards, hard to define, but there nonetheless, which do not allow some
offensive material to appear here.  If you send something that fits within these general lines, it will
certainly be used.  

Collect all of these wonderful ZERRO works.  Be the first in your neighborhood, area, state, region,
planet or galexy to have a complete set.  There are not all that many around.  And there are not all
that many folks around with the drive/time/idiocy quotient that would allow them to seek out all of
the installments of Zerro, either.  So there.

Zerro23.... Ends Here!


























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