                                                                                                                                       Zerro 24.......
                                                                                                                                       S M I L E !
                                                                                                                                       It Will Make The
                                       World Wonder What
                                                                                                                                       You Have Been Doing!


Truly, you are a person who speaks the truth, lives the truth, abides by the truth.  And truth is, of
course, stranger than fiction, and you certainly are too.

It's OK to wait for your ship to come in, provided of course, that it was sent out in the first place.

Tyrants have yet to discover that chain, that cable, that will fetter the mind.  Nothing is stronger than
than an idea whose time has come. 

If your lead pencil is less than three inches long, and still equipped with a virgin eraser, you are about
as close to perfection as this world will allow you to be.

The longer the deliberation, the stronger the possibility of error in the decision.

Often enough, what it takes to maintain one vice is enough money to raise two children.

There are two real incentives toward reducing your weight during the summer season.  One is a swim
suit that all too easily shows where the bulges are that should't be, and the other is that lawn chair
that gets up when you do, and goes with you!

Always and in every instance, someone can be found to disagree with whatever decision you make.  

Why should I be the one to do it?
Why should it be done at all?
Why should it be done now?
Why should it be done this way?

Power tends to corrupt and absolute power?
Hey, absolute power ain't all bad!

What you can not enforce, do not command.


Interestingly enough, there are many kids who just can't seem to get their multiplication tables down,
some of whom can't even add, for that matter.  But ask them a phone number, and whammo, you've
got the whole thing instantly.

If you are in command and do it wisely, your subjects will obey you with good cheer.  There is nothing
more a fine gift than the ability to guide others in a peaceful way while all enjoy the excursion.

You don't have a good idea of what a dog's life is like, until you have had to clean up after one.

Say what you want about President Richard Nixon.  How many people do you know who could get
elected President when no one voted for them.  Ever run on to anyone who admitted voting for Richard
Nixon?

If you are a terror to many people, than you must beware of at least that many and lots more.
For you will find that the underdog has friends and these tend to multiply.
(2)
A real bully is always a coward, for their lurks in such a person the fear of finding someone even worse
than himself at what he is doing.

Are condoms adequate protection?  Nope, you'll also have to have fire and casualty, even if you don't
drive.

It is easier to spout wisdom and appear wise, after the event.  

Inasmuch as you will never be able to do what you wish, it is better to be able to wish what you do.

Think much, speak little and write less.  However, if you are going to write, it is well to write what
you think people think you think rather than what you think, because people have no idea what you
think, and likely as not, are uninterested.  Seldom say what you mean and seldom mean what you say,
thus adding to the whole affair.  One thing can be done by writing that can't be done in any other way,
and that is that you can write yourself right out of your reputation when you write.

In youth, if we are lucky, we learn.  In age, if we are wise, we understand.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.  When you are not growing, you are
dying.  Growth is the only real sign of life.

To be furious in religion is to be irreligiously religious.

The world is divided into those who actively do things and those who get the credit for doing things.

Usually, when we seek advice, what we are really searching for is a nice accomplice.
Everyone sets out to do something, and everyone does something, but not everyone does what they set
out to do.

The death of our country will not come from an outside attack.  No, if it comes, it will be slow, and
from indifference, apathy and undernourishment.

A man does not attain wisdom until he starts to realize that he is not indispensible.

Property Guarded by An Attack Dog Department:  You heard it here, first!
Griggsville police were called to the Shell station to remove a minature female chichuahua for behaving
in a "disorderly manner," by refusing to allow patrons of the station into the men's toilet.  It was surely
a frightening time for police, I am sure, since these animals have been known to kill flies.

British condom makers have developed a model that glows in the dark.  It can be recharged simply by
putting it in the light of a table lamp for several hours.  I say if a condom wants to read at night, it
ought right well to supply it's own electricity.

There are things worse than a public speaker with a three word thought,  a three minute vocabulary
and a three hour speech, but I have not been able to think of any over the last three days.

A tourist leaves Bogolusa on his way to Opalousa, and is quite confused about the names of the various
cities through which he passes.  Stopping at long last for a late lunch, he enters a fast food chain
restaurant.  After he places his order, he says to the clerk "I say, how do you spell the name of this
place I am in?"  Slowly, the clerk behind the counter starts.  "B-U-R-G-E-R  K-I-N-G," comes the
response.

When your work speaks for itself, it is very wise to remain silent and not interrupt!
(3)
Many are they who do more than they think they can do and far less than they thought they did.  The
real problem is that few folks come anywhere near exhausting the potentials that the Creator has given
to them.  There are deep wells of strength and capacities that are never even so much as touched.

Never make an impromptu speech without advance warning, otherwise what you say isn't worth the
paper it is printed on and will not be remembered or quoted.  When Lincoln went to Gettysburg, he
had 16 xeroxed copies of his envelope, to make sure the talk got press coverage.  

One of the stronger reasons for being disorganized is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
One of the things you discover, for example, is that God hides things simply by putting them near us. 
Most of my major discoveries can be filed from A to C, Accident to Chance.  It is amazing what you
can find, when you are actually looking for something else. 

Sometimes it is well, when seeking good order, to recall that even at times paralysis appears to be
order.

Tyranny is always better organized.  The John Birch Society had a much finer organization than ever
happened with the ACLU.  

All generalizations are dangerous, perhaps even this one.  There are exceptions to the rule, but this
does not appear to be one of them.

It is not possible to found lasting power or treachery, purjery and dishonesty.

The leader must know.
The leader must know that he knows.
The leader must let everyone else know that he knows.
The leader must make sure that there is no question that he knows.

Rules Dyslexia - K.O.?

There are some people that, if they don't know, you can't tell them.
You can tell a teacher as far as you can see one, but you can't tell them much.

The man has a photographic mind suffering from chronic and severe underdevelopment.

If you believe everything you read, it would be better for you to have been born perpetually illiterate.

Reading without thinking is like eating without going to the toilet.  Eventually, something backs up,
and it is not good.

The human brain starts to work the moment you are born and never stops until you get up in public
to explain why you voted the way you voted, or what is worse and takes longer, why you did not vote.

There are lots of folks who seem well enough able to rise to a situation, but some damn fools can never
sit down at the right time.'

Why doesn't the speaker who admits that "As a public speaker, I'm not very good," simply sit down
after that, rather than give us a lengthy and tedious demonstration.

When speaking, remember these things.  Third, be sincere.  Second, be brief.  First of all, and most
important, be seated - quickly.  

(4)
The ignorance of one voter in a Democracy impairs the safety of us all.

If you happen to think that you understand everything that is going on about you, it is likely that you
are hopelessly confused.  It is not met to be understood, but it is met to be observed and commented
upon.  If you are not totally confused, you do not really understand the situation.

If there is anything a public servant hates to do, it is usually something for the public.

Stop and think about this for a minute.  Here is a guy running for President that is willing to spend
umpteen million dollars to obtain the office, and while you are right there in his presence, he is telling
you how he is going to balance the budget.  His salary is going to be about $ 200,000 per year, and he
is spending millions to get into this office, while telling you he is going to balance the budget.  Does
all of this really make any sense?

The Bore is the person who deprives you of your solitude without any form of recompense in the form
of decent company.   A good bore can consume within the space of one year, one and a half times his
own weight in patience.  It requires considerable talent and no small measure of experience to be an
accomplished bore.  

If you understand everything, you are obviously misinformed.

If you don't know where you are when you get there, then this is a fairly poor place to find out that
you are not where you thought you were.

People leave Washington, D.C, by box, either ballot or coffin.

One of the hardest arguments to refute is silence.

Anyone can win, of course, but this can be somewhat complicated if there is a second entry.

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long after that quo has lost its status.  

If folks don't want to do it, it's hard to keep them from it.

I have often wanted to vote for the best man, bnut so seldom have I found him listed among the
candidates. The very best thing about the group that is usually listed is that only one of them can win.

It is dangerous for someone running for national office to say things that people might remember.  One
of the largest liabilities is an ability to speak with precision and allow people to know what you are
saying and what it means.  Avoid these things if you wish to be elected.

In a Democracy, decisions are made by a majority. Not  by a majority of the people, but by a majority
of that minority enfranchised to vote.  Not just those who can vote.  The minority is made up entirely
of those who do vote, and that is quite a minority indeed that makes the decisions for a Democracy.

Everything comes to the man who is least in need of it, and at a time when it is inconvenient for him
to receive it.

True enough, you can not cross the bridge till you come to it, but it is well in this world of constant
uncertainty, to keep an extra pontoon or two handy, just in case you get to a river without a bridge.

It is a foolish man who tests the depth of the river with both feet at the same time.  Often this person
tests just one river.
(5)
If at first you don't find success, there is no use being obstinate about it.

The decision is maybe, and that's final unless it isn't although at this time it seems to be.

Modesty is that art which allows that you draw attention to whatever it is that you are being humble
about at the present time.

Very frequently, when someone can not change their mind, it is an indication of a lack of something
to change.

There are three ways to get something accomplished.  Do it yourself.  Employ someone to do what you
want done.  Forbid your children, very strictly, from doing what you want done.

Sometimes problems are so difficult that it takes an expert just to remain undecided about the possbile
solutions to the problem.  

Once an appeal is made to force to settle a disagreement, it is well to remember that there is now one
thing you can not afford, and that is to lose.

That individual who is habitually undecided is one who suffers from exhaustion and horror for life.

Many people, while they will not experience a nervous breakdown themselves, can be rather easily
identified as carriers of this malady.

Humility is elusive, for the very moment you think you have it, at that very instant, you've lost it.

There is never a convenient time for death, for taxes or for childbirth, but all these things happen and
we manage to survive them all.  Some are a joy, others a relief, but taxes are for sure no fun.

If this material is offensive to you, and admittedly it will be offensive to someone, than you should take
time out to contemplate this truth.  Seriousness is the refuge of the truly shallow!

Often times, the best armor we have is keeping out of range.

There is no such thing as a little enemy just as there is only a big friend.  If you have no enemies, you
are also apt to be in the same prediciment with regard to friends.

It is a lot more fun to suspect someone of something than to know the true facts of the case under
discussion.

A tax loophole is a form of tax reform that did not benefit you.  Had you benefitted from it, it would
have been a model piece of tax reform legislation.

Conscience: The unending visit of a Mother-in-law.

Jim and Tammy Bakker are the only people I know who are a disgrace to their underwear.

Nothing quite compares to getting an income tax refund, unless it is standing before a firing squad and
living to tell of the incident.

It takes more brains and effort to make out your income tax forms correctly than it does to make the
income you are reporting.

Reality implies constancy.  Constancy is composed of change, one of the few things in reality that is
constant is change.  Change implies movement from where we were to where we will be after we get
on with it.  Movement always involves some degree of friction, and the more you move, or the longer
you move, the more friction you are discussing here.  Friction brings heat and a lot of friction brings
us a lot of heat.  The only place that movement doesn't bring friction is in outer space.  Now it also
happens that heat does not generate light, and so you can have hot feelings, deep feelings, true and
sincere convictions, and not have one iota of rationality or reality involved, after you have been through
change and movement and, yes, friction.

A nation's advance as a civilized society can be properly guaged by the manner in which it treats the
poor and the elderly - often the same people.

Aside from traffic, nothing has put the brakes on society quite so well as a committee.

In order to form an excellent and efficient committee, only three people are required.  Additional to
this, one needs to be absent and one needs to be sick.  On such rare occasions as happen when these
circumstances come together, you have that threatened species of animal, the perfect committee.  

A man can drown and do it easily in a stream whose average depth is a mere seven inches.

Figures won't lie, but liars will figure, and I figure that as long as they figure to lie, it's hard to find
the facts.

My counsin is a statistician and he regularly draws wild postulations from which he deduces
unwarrented assumptions which lead to his foregone conclusions.  It is his job to support all of this
with numerical facts which substantiate these bizarre prejudices.  He is what many folks today call a
professional person.  Knows more and more about less and less until he arrives to that distinguishing
point at which time he knows nothing about anything.  Fine profession, statistician.

One thing can be said about our space program.  Our tax dollars go farther.

Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody - you for instance.

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who is holding some office that a Republican wants, or a Republican who is
holding some office that a Democrat wants.  

With a little research and some funding it is quite possible to find a difficulty for every solution.

Often enough statistics are like a bikini.  What they reveal is suggestive, but what they concel is vital.
Don't put any faith in what statistics tell you until you have carefully examined what these statistics
do not tell you.  

An official is always an official and always has a wild unquestioning belief in written reports.

Never insult the alligator until you have crossed the river.

When you catch an elephant by the hind leg and the elephant is trying to run away, it seems wise to
let the poor animal lose.

If you can't see the bottom, wade not, for you may be in far too much before you know it.

If you keep a thing for seven years, you will find a use for it.

Moderation never hurt anything and helped quite a few things.
(7)
It is a mistake to assume that in order to give an immortal speech, it must also be eternal.

It seems highly impractical for us to be thinking of lengthing the school year when it is already so
difficult to get in all those back to school sales that we now have.  

The difference between a Yuppie and a Nerd is simply that one has money....

It takes a smart person to know that the person is stupid.

There is nothing quite so flattering as being 28 and having someone demand two forms of identification
before you can be sold a drink with alcohol in it.  About the only thing that beats this sensation is
being asked for documentation that you actually do qualify for a senior citizens discount.

Take great care never to swat the fly on the forehead of your friend, if you are carrying an axe.

There is a world of difference between making instant coffee and winning an argument with an Italian.

Life is often like a large serving of kumquats, sometimes there is more of a good thing than you can
take.

Sometimes it takes a real optimist to think that things are so bad that they just can't get worse.

A group of the unwilling, composed of the unfit, to do the unnecessary for the unaware in an untidy
manner at an untimely moment employing unseemly tactics for the uninformed.  Ah, give me a chance
at that committee and we can really go nowhere fast and get there before most people even know that
we left.  This is nothing more than the formula for good government, or it seems that way from what
I have been able to observe so far in this life.

If a talk show lasts a couple of months today, it is forced to recycle sexual aberrations and shuffle the
guests around a bit more.  

Any statistic that can be found which is interesting can be credited to the fact that this particular
statistic is a mistake.  If it is not a mistake, it is a misprint, and if it is not a misprint, it is unlawful
release of classified information.

Speaking in public is like making love in public.  Any fool can start something like this, but it takes
a real effort to find a way to end it after it is once started.

It is a toss-up for be between movies that have a happy ending and movies that I am happy to see end.



One condition is basic for an spontaneous public speech, and that is that one spend perhaps the better
part of a month preparing it, editing it and then reducing it.  One should never speak for twenty
minutes when one has a thirty second idea.  If it takes you more than twenty minutes to state your
ideas, you are not suited for public speaking, you are called to be an author, and if no one else is
willing to call you, know that I am willing, at least as a public service.

The theory of liberty, when delivered in a political speech by a candidate, always sounds far better and
contains a great deal more promise than the actual practice of liberty is prepared to give unless the
listeners are willing to pay higher taxes.

If you keep a tight lip, often a lot of loose talk can be prevented.
(8)
A short speech is often a good speech and certainly has the advantage of being much less able to be
a bad speech than a long speech.  A long speech is often a bad speech precisely because it was not a
short speech.  One seldom need repent of having said too little, but often needs much repentence for
having said far too much in too many ways too often, all within the same speech.  If you can't strike
oil in ten minutes of public speaking, stop boring and admit you have hit a dry hole.

One of the very few things a dollar bought in 1950 that it will buy today is one hundred pennies. But
not to worry, someone is working on doing away with pennies.  

Mike Dukakis tried to give several fireside speeches, but the difficulty he experienced was with that
fresh driftwood, which he tried to ignite in the rain, with wet matches.  It wasn't your ideal model of
success, so to speak.  The man is to fire what ashes are to a lumber yard.

It seems to be a fairly good sign that your memory is slipping if you can't even recall those things you
are trying to forget because you can't remember them as things you are trying to forget.

Blessed is that individual who, having nothing on his mind, decides not to share this vast state of wordy
nothingness with us in a public display.  

The realization that someone is quite unlikely to accept what you freely offer to them is one of the
greater impulses to really large charity.  

To be considered wise is not so bad, although it ordinarily requires that we go a good distance out of
town, so that those who think of us as wise do not have the opportunity to learn the ordinary truth
of the matter.

If you live in an apartment building with more than four floors, it pays to be nice to the elevator
repairman.

The length of a committee meeting rises in direct proportion to the square of the number of people
entitled to vote on that particular committee.  

A quest for happiness is often hidden behind the simple fact that hard work is required.  This is one
of the reasons many folks miss finding happiness.

When you don't want to do something, a meeting is indispensible as the most efficient tool to
accomplish your goal.  

The perpetuation of polysyllabic obfuscation through redundancy  and obtuse reiteration is often
unnecessarily repeated as a distinct disservice to clarity and brevity, in compound sentences, which
overuse punctuation marks and do not conclude by coming to a conclusion, when this seems to be
within reason and right order.  

One useless man can be called a disgrace.  Two really useless men can be called a law firm.
When you get more than these together, you have all the essential ingredients for a committee.
And after the committe has made one or two criminal errors which are against the law, you have all
that is deemed necessary for the formation of a congress.  Our country has two separate bodies of these
people, no one room being quite large enough to contain them all.  And then there is the executive
branch, but we shall discuss this later under the heading: "Extreme Absurdities You Would Not
Believe!"

You are getting older if you remember going to the movie not because of the movie, but because in the
summer the theater was air cooled, and it was the only place like this in the whole town.
(9)
A consultant is a man who knows fifty marvelous ways to make love, but does not know a women to
whom these charms may be applied.

There are two things that are extremely important in politics.  The first is money and I'll be hanged
if I can remember what the second one is.

Don't just do something.  Stand there and ponder.  

A conservative wears suspenders as well as an outside belt, and also an inside secret belt, for his
money. He is against the Democrats for what they stand for and against the Republicans because they
don't stand for what they should.  He is for reform, which should come at some other time than right
now, since there is no need for redress of the present and there is need to let the future take care of
itself.  

It has happened to me a great deal.  The appearance of a security guard brings about a tremendous
feeling of insecurity.  Take a look at some of those folks.  Wow!

You can get a decent reading on who is running things if, on your way to the front door of the house,
you notice that the garage door is some strange color and there are curtains.  

One of the things not to say to a state trooper who has just pulled you over for doing more than the
sign announcing the miles per hour allows is "Do you look like this all the time or are you simply
constipated?"  It is nice to show concern, but this is not a good example of that kind of concern.

Man does not live by word alone.  This is good to remember when it comes time to eat some of the
words a man has said.

If you can not say something far better than silence, than have the common good sense to let silence
have the day.

Laughter is always the best medicine, no question about it.  Laugh and have fun, you only go through
this life once, and if you do it right, once is plenty.  Somehow, it just does not pay to go through life
acting like you are a monument to chronic constipation.  

A conservative sees a man drowning fifty feet from shore.  The conservative throws the man a rope 25
feet long and tells the man to start swimming, all the while wondering where he is going to send the
bill for the 25 feet of rope used in this effort.  Just down the beach, a liberal sees a man drowning fifty
feet from shore.  The liberal borrows 50 feet of rope from a neighbor and throws this to the drowning
man.  He does not hold on to the end of the rope, since he is busily looking for someone else from
whom he may borrow another fifty feet of rope, just to make sure that man has enough.  The swimmer
can hardly afford the conservative and can hardly survive the liberal.

A political convention is verily vigorous very verboten vast verbosity vacuuously vivacious for what it
fails to say in such long windedness and tedious tendentiousness without arriving even close to where
it was aimed by a drunken archer in the midst of a tornado of hot wind.  Gargantuian gaseous globules
of gluttonous guttoral galaxies of gibberish are the order of the day.

Inconstitencies of opinion which may arise from time to time due to contingencies which may not be
anticipated are often justifiable except when you do them, since for you, consistency requires that you
be as dumb today as you were yesterday and the day before that.  When I change my mind is is
generally a sign of broadminded openness to considerations of moment.  When you change your mind
from what you said four years ago, it is yet another example of the bewildering plethora of lies of which
you are always guilty.  Let us always be fair about these things.
(10)
It is really hard to keep people from doing something if they stay away from it and don't want to do
it.  You just have to exercise patience and forbid it a little more strongly a little longer. 

Some historian, out to make a name for himself, is circulating a rumor to the effect that George
Washington is a dirty double crosser.  According to this historian, Washington crossed the Deleware
River twice, without taking a bath!  So much for dirty stories.  This is about as far as Zerro goes in
this direction.  Of course, we might include the story about the little boy who fell in the mud, and that
would create quite a splash.  But this is the limit of these dirty story things.  We just can't smudge
too much.

In politics, he gives twice who gives soon, since he will be called upon quickly to give again.

A visit to a political convention is much akin to a residency which is required on a garbage heap.  As
a matter of fact, I rather believe I would prefer the garbage heap if it comes to a choice.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a friend, or from a stranger.

A Fairway on the Golf Course is a narrow strip of mown gras that separates two groups of golfers who
are out looking for lost balls in the rough.

Exercise for your health....eat a balanced diet.  Control your weight.  Don't Smoke.  Nothing to Excess.
All Things in Moderation....and tomorrow you die, anyway!  

Notice: The individual who dove in to save the revenue collector from the city park pool wishes to
remain anonymous.  As a matter of fact, so does the chap who pushed the collecter into the pond.

A sand trap on the golf course is a deep depression filled with golfers who are in a deep depression.

Confidence is that wonderful feeling of self-assurance you have just before you fall flat on your face at
high noon in the most public of places and in the most foolish manner possible before the largest crowd
of people ever known to be in that place at that time in all recorded history.

The trouble with some born again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time
around.

If it weren't for betting on horses, some people wouldn't contribute to anything.

In the United States, revolution is an abrupt change in the form of governmental mismanagement
leading to accelerated taxation, decelerated reclaimation and much more paperwork.

Vice President Dan Quayle says he never really wanted to be a Republican, he just wanted to live like
one.

Lots of people claim to be Catholic chiefly in the fact that this is their choice of a church which they
do not attend.  

Vacation for most of us means a couple of weeks with pay when we don't have to go to work, and
during those two weeks, a couple of days when it does not rain.

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the legislatures of this land, the more respect I
develop for members of the animal kingdom.  Fleas and ticks the dogs get, other forms of vermin are
not so common.  These species got something going for them that we humans need to immitate.


(11)
A part time employee noted that his pay check was five dollars short of what it should be and went
in and registered a loud, long and windy protest to the payroll office.  "Well," said the payroll officer,
"you didn't come in last week when we overpaid you five dollars, with any complaint!" "Naturally," said
the employee, "a mistake once made is a mistake, but when you do the thing twice, then it is time to
register a complaint!"

The vast majority of people who live a rural life tend to do this in the country, away from viewers and
watchers, and for this, I guess we can be thankful.

If it is a known fact of record that your grand-father did not have any children, it is much more likely
that your father did not have any children and it practically insures that you won't perhaps even could
not have any children.  And if you don't, it is even less likely that your children will.  

Golfing is the art of using a bowed club and a flawed swing, a poor stance and tight shoes, a weak grip
and a lose shank tape on the handle of the club, to hit a small ball badly toward the wrong hole, out
of turn.

Abraham Lincoln wrote his Gettysburg address on the BACK of an envelope and the Postal Service
from that very day to the present time has been losing more and more mail each and every day.  Put
the address where you intend the mail to go on the FRONT of that envelope.  The people at the Post
Office are not mind readers, you know, and they need your help.                                         

By kicking all the crooks out of government we could easily solve that problem and also at the same
time bring about a new one; a significantly higher unemployment rate.
                                 
It often happens that those most concerned about the happiness of others are the chief cause and
sometimes even the only cause of difficulty for those very same people they are trying to improve.

To bring about the reform of an individual is a tedious and uncertain labor filled with frightening
ambiguity and complete ambivilance.  It is a whole lote easier, when all is said and done, simply to
hang the SOB and get on with things.

Somehow, it never hurts to step back occasionally and ask youself "Am I contributing to the solution
of the problem or aiding in making a bigger problem?"

Although it is said that the athlete was never fatally ill previously, the morning in question he sure
woke up dead.  And being that way, he didn't go nowhere.  A person in that condition ain't prone to
move around a lot unless he ain't got what he thought he did.

In Illinois, to cut hair requires a license for which the holder must qualify by months of expensive
study.  That same person can walk and and plunk down a few bucks, get a marriage license and get
hitched in a matter of just a few minutes.  This is a land of law and order, not necessarily of common
sense.  

Parents have heard that their son or daughter can grow up to become President of these United States
but most of them are showing a strong preference for something in the way of work with a more
promising future.

There are currently two views about intelligent life on other planets in our universe.  One says that
if the folks on other planets are really intelligent, they would prefer not having a single thing to do with
us.  The second theory is that there is no intelligent life on other planets.  If there were, already they
would have contacted us to borrow money like everyone else.  Take your pick!
(12)
School Notes:

My son was in need of being shot and I finally had it done.  As a result he is in the hospital, but that
is not where they shot him.

Don't let him take P.E., no matter where he takes it or what excuse he gives.  I don't want him near
a P.E. class, and that no matter what they are doing, when or where, or even if they are not at the
time he is there.  Leave him alone.  I hope you clearly understand that this is the message and do not
ignore it, as you did before when I didn't write it although I intended to.  This time, you won't!

Emily will be absent two Fridays from today for a funeral.  Please excuse her on that day.  

Lloyd had two jaws removed from his teeth and the doctor said he should not try chewing anything
more serious than apple sauce for a few weeks.  

The dentist said Sylvia is suffering from a great deal of lose vices, and she needs to get a little tight
to do what needs doing.  We are going to correct her difficulty as quickly as we can find her some
newer vices more suited to her age.

Eddie was absent from school yesterday mainly for the simple reason that he was not there.  We know
where he was, but we are not sure you do, so hold him excused until we catch him and then we will
see you about this.  It could happen that he won't be able to come to school no more.

If Bobbie hadn't done what he did he wouldn't be where he was which is why he isn't where he should
be now as a result of yesterday evening.  This could happen again if yesterday evening is repeated.

Louise did not inspire enough and so she almost expired until she retired to the place where she is
now, which is why she is not in school, or so I am told as I write this note for your office, so she does
not get credit for being where she is not, or whatever it is that gets her into big bad trouble - none
of us wants that, so she is excused from it, no matter where she is.  As her parent, I so order it to be
considered in this way and that is final.

Delores is sick because of something that happened.  If it hadn't she wouldn't be, but it did, so she is.
This is one of those things that women have that men do not, but if men did, they would be just like
women.  Since the women have them, this is what they get and this is why it happens.  Men so often
do not understand.  I'd love to see what men did if they got these things and how they would deal with
this, but I don't think this will be possible, even with some of the surgery they are doing now.  So just
excuse Delores until it is over, and when it is, she will be back, just like she always does after it is.

Fred has athelete's foot, although how he got that, knowing him as I do, is something of a miracle. It
is as close as he is apt to come to organized sports.  And I mean this for all his life.  This is the most
complete lazy person in our entire family and only the charm he has saves him from both his mother
and your office, since we both feel the same way about this affliction.

You probably noticed that Les was not with you yesterday because yesterday was the day that Les was
with us, which is why he was not with you.  He was with us because we needed to have him tested.
He was tested and he did pass the test although the examiner felt that the results were dubious and
suggested that we bring Les in to have him retested for a more objective result.  We feel that the
examiner needs to be tested before we have Les retested to see if the test is reliable when it is given
by someone like that examiner.  If you did not miss Les yesterday, please ignore this note and act like
he was there, although he was not there since he was here, but in the event you didn't notice it then,
it is no time now to start taking notes.  Please do advise us about a new examiner since we feel this
is a serious test.  Thank you. 
(13)
Rock Music: That noise, not necessarily organized, and if organized, not necessarily well, which will
usually turn listeners stone deaf.

The real difficulty with my cash flow is that my tide goes out far more than it comes in.

Babies haven't any hair;
Ole men's heads are just as bare;
Between the cradle and the grave
Lies a haircut and a shave

To prevent baldness, follow the few simple rules which are listed here.  
1. Eat at least five ounces of parsnips each day, while standing on your head.
2. Cut your hair only on the first Friday after a full moon, if it is on an even numbered day.
3. Rinse your hair in salt water no less than three times per day for no less than a minute each time.
4. A vigorous rum rinse with slightly warmed rum should follow each salt water wash.
5. On the even numbered Saturdays, use fresh eggs as a shampoo for your hair.

By following these simple rules you will die of exhaustion long before your hair starts to fall out and
you will avoid all those pesky Herbalife Salespersons trying to get you to use their shampoo.

Music which is sung by two people simultaneously is often aptly called a duel.

You know that you are getting on in years when you have breakfast in bed, and it is not an honor or
out of the ordinary.





























(14)
Insurance Responses:
Well, you'd be angry too if you had a tree put a move on you as fast as that one did on me, which is
why the car is totally ruined.

The reason I had this difficulty is that the tree wasn't where it would have been if I had selected the
right driveway, but since I did not, there it was where it shouldn't be, and this is why I hit it. 

I tried to avoid hitting him, but he kept coming toward me and asking for it and I finally felt that I
really should oblige him.  It demolished his car, but it didn't even scratch my road scraper.  

The other car appeared, as out of nowhere, although I am sure it was somewhere before it appeared,
and once it did, hitting it was the only thing left for me to do, so I did it, and frankly, I rather enjoyed
it.  

We are going to have peace, and by golly, if necessary, I'll beat the stuffings out of anyone who says
we are not going to have peace.  Sometimes, when you want something bad enough, you just have to
fight for it - that's the way it is with peace.

Try as hard as I did, no matter what move I made, that telephone pole matched me and eventually it
hit me.  I'd have to say that the pole was at fault, it certainly wasn't me.

The stop sign which caused this action appeared there recently and was new to me.  It cause me great
alarm and when I am watching its pole, I note the sign is too low for the car, which is why it destroy
the windshield.  When I note this, it excite me, and that is when wall came into line of drive and cause
me to ruin radiator, but not until I got the truck of the man who was putting up those stop signs. If
there were more space on this form I tell you about baby carriage, but this is enough information for
you for one day.  

I know of no driving manual which suggests that passengers depart from the cabin of the car when
going around the corner at such speeds.  When this happened, I took evasive action, and that is when
I wiped out those other five cars, the bus and the branch bank office.  One of the passengers who got
out of the other car still managed to come through my windshield, at considerable additional cost, may
I add.

I honestly do not believe that anyone was really responsible for this accident, but if blame must be
placed, it surely belongs, all 110% of it, on the other driver.

ZERRO Speaks:

Another small installment of what might be considered humor has been gathered from the fragments,
and with no small amount of pain, carefully glued together in this mosaic of mirth designed to keep
even the constipated happy and joyous!   Tis indeed proof positive that if you really want to steal, you
can do it on a wholesale basis.  What is within this installment has been borrowed, copied, stolen,
enlarged, elaborated, enhanced, reformed, reformatted (this is a biggie when you deal with computers!),
decomposed, recomposed, composed, reconstituted, disarranged, rearranged, dearranged, reiterated,
plagarized and otherwise tormented in various ways, until the material finally surrendered and agreed
to come together here, as it has.  No one really wants to take any responsibility for this, since it is
dangerous and might even lead to loss of reputation and what is worse, like over-production of ear wax
from the lumbar region!  Things like this can happen, you know, so on the pretense of being safe, no
one is willing to take chances.

Well, enough of this.  If you like what you have read, and are able to read and still like it, see your
pet store fish dealer immediately and eat the stock for a week.  That should cure your problem.  If you
are still able to say that you like this material and then go that final step, the one that separates you
from sanity completely, and say, out loud now "I want to contribute to this silly stuff that this Zerro
guy writes!" When you do this, of course, your name goes on a list, and no Discover Card representative
will be sending you much of anything for a good long while.....Anyway, you want to send something
for inclusion in this Zerro feature ----WRITE TO:

                                                                                                                                       Resident Idiot - Scribe Zerro
                                                                                                                                       P. O. Box 38
                                                                                                                                       Buffalo, Illinois   62515

Sending material to this address gets your name on another list.  A list called "Contributors," which
also stands for "Citizens on nothing too real in beauty, unless they order real sacks." Either way you
cut it, getting on this list is not something everyone fights to do!

Please do not rearrange material herein, or destroy the integrity of the installment.  Others may want
this installment just as it is - why anyone would be like this is of course the reason why we have them
folks called psychiatrists.  Anyway, this is installment # 24, and if you sit down and think about it for
a week or two, it will come to you that there were 23 installments before this one.  If you have not got
all of these know well that the neighbors are at this very moment talking about you and sa