                              THE COMEDY OF ERRORS


            ACT IV
................................................................................


          SCENE IV:  A street.
.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

                     {Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer.}

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
                     I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
                     To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
                     My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
                     And will not lightly trust the messenger
                     That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
                     I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.

                     {Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end.}

                     Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
                     How now, sir!  have you that I sent you for?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.          10

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  But where's the money?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

                     [Beating him.]

           Officer:  Good sir, be patient.

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

           Officer:  Good, now, hold thy tongue.                             20

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
                     your blows.

        ANTIPHOLUS:  Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an
                     ass.

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long
                     ears.  I have served him from the hour of my
                     nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
                     hands for my service but blows.  When I am cold, he     30
                     heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
                     with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
                     raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
                     it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
                     I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
                     beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
                     lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

                     {Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH.}

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or
                     rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the       40
                     rope's-end.'

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Wilt thou still talk?

                     [Beating him.]

         Courtezan:  How say you now?  is not your husband mad?

           ADRIANA:  His incivility confirms no less.
                     Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
                     Establish him in his true sense again,
                     And I will please you what you will demand.

           LUCIANA:  Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

         Courtezan:  Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!

             PINCH:  Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.           50

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

                     [Striking him.]

             PINCH:  I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
                     To yield possession to my holy prayers
                     And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
                     I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Peace, doting wizard, peace!  I am not mad.

           ADRIANA:  O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  You minion, you, are these your customers?
                     Did this companion with the saffron face
                     Revel and feast it at my house to-day,                  60
                     Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
                     And I denied to enter in my house?

           ADRIANA:  O husband, God doth know you dined at home;
                     Where would you had remain'd until this time,
                     Free from these slanders and this open shame!

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Dined at home!  Thou villain, what sayest thou?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  And did not she herself revile me there?                70

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  And did not I in rage depart from thence?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  In verity you did; my bones bear witness,
                     That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

           ADRIANA:  Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?

             PINCH:  It is no shame:  the fellow finds his vein,
                     And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.          80

           ADRIANA:  Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
                     By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Money by me!  heart and goodwill you might;
                     But surely master, not a rag of money.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

           ADRIANA:  He came to me and I deliver'd it.

           LUCIANA:  And I am witness with her that she did.

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  God and the rope-maker bear me witness
                     That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

             PINCH:  Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;             90
                     I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
                     They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
                     And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

           ADRIANA:  I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  And, gentle master, I received no gold;
                     But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.

           ADRIANA:  Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;
                     And art confederate with a damned pack                 100
                     To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:
                     But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
                     That would behold in me this shameful sport.

                     {Enter three or four, and offer to bind him.
                      He strives.}

           ADRIANA:  O, bind him, bind him!  let him not come near me.

             PINCH:  More company!  The fiend is strong within him.

           LUCIANA:  Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  What, will you murder me?  Thou gaoler, thou,
                     I am thy prisoner:  wilt thou suffer them
                     To make a rescue?

           Officer:                   Masters, let him go
                     He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.         110

             PINCH:  Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.

                     [They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus.]

           ADRIANA:  What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
                     Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
                     Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

           Officer:  He is my prisoner:  if I let him go,
                     The debt he owes will be required of me.

           ADRIANA:  I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:
                     Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
                     And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.        120
                     Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
                     Home to my house.  O most unhappy day!

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  O most unhappy strumpet!

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

        ANTIPHOLUS
        OF EPHESUS:  Out on thee, villain!  wherefore dost thou mad me?

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS:  Will you be bound for nothing?  be mad, good master:
                          cry 'The devil!'

           LUCIANA:  God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

           ADRIANA:  Go bear him hence.  Sister, go you with me.

                     [Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and
                      Courtezan.]

                     Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

           Officer:  One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?              130

           ADRIANA:  I know the man.  What is the sum he owes?

           Officer:  Two hundred ducats.

           ADRIANA:                    Say, how grows it due?

           Officer:  Due for a chain your husband had of him.

           ADRIANA:  He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

         Courtezan:  When as your husband all in rage to-day
                     Came to my house and took away my ring--
                     The ring I saw upon his finger now--
                     Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

           ADRIANA:  It may be so, but I did never see it.
                     Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:         140
                     I long to know the truth hereof at large.

                     {Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn,
                      and DROMIO of Syracuse.}

           LUCIANA:  God, for thy mercy!  they are loose again.

           ADRIANA:  And come with naked swords.
                     Let's call more help to have them bound again.

           Officer:  Away!  they'll kill us.

                     [Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio
                      of Syracuse.]

        ANTIPHOLUS
       OF SYRACUSE:  I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE:  She that would be your wife now ran from you.

        ANTIPHOLUS
       OF SYRACUSE:  Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:
                     I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE:  Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us    150
                     no harm:  you saw they speak us fair, give us gold:
                     methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for
                     the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of
                     me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and
                     turn witch.

        ANTIPHOLUS
       OF SYRACUSE:  I will not stay to-night for all the town;
                     Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

                     [Exeunt.]

